Deep rooted security
I consider myself very insecure as a person and have low confidence, but I am not sure why.
I used to be special forces, workout regularly, know how to fight, have a great job that pays ridiculously and I enjoy and am considered attractive by my friends and lovers.
Despite this, I always find it difficult talking to people. I don’t think its a substance thing, because once I get a few drinks down I become very sociable and funny. I just feel like I’m never saying enough, or am not funny enough, or am not fun to be around as a person. I don’t even think this is true, but I still feel quiet in most group outings especially when with unfamiliar people.
I’m very ‘redpill’ in that I have believed that with work you can fix most things, but in this case, I really don’t know what I can do to fix this. On paper, sub being a literal multi millionaire model, I have everything, yet I still feel insecure about myself as a person.
I was very soft as a child, and therefore took a lot to heart in secondary school - not necessarily bullying, but passing comments really affected me. Wondering if it stemmed from this? Part of my insecurity I think is from a lack of ‘high school’ experience. I was a relatively late bloomer in terms of first time smoking, drinking, kiss etc. (around 18). By the time I started studying at university, many people had already experienced a whole lot more, making it semi-hard to fit in. Never really travelled or done anything ‘unique’ due to family - our ‘leisure’ was getting takeout and watching a movie or for myself playing video games.
Not really sure what I’m expecting as a response, but just wondering if anyone can relate or provide some insight maybe.
“Deep Rooted Security” or Deep Rooted “Insecurity”?
Insecurity
If you stop listening to “manosphere” content and stop saying things like “I’m very redpill,” it will go a long way to being more secure as a person
I don’t listen to ‘manosphere’ content aside from the occasional lifting vid.
Based on the most helpful WSO content, it's not uncommon for individuals to experience feelings of insecurity despite having accomplished a great deal or possessing qualities that are typically associated with confidence. Your situation, where you have a successful career, physical fitness, combat skills, and social validation yet still feel insecure, is a reflection of how complex self-perception and confidence can be. Here are some insights that might resonate with you:
Childhood Experiences: As you've identified, childhood experiences can have a lasting impact on self-esteem. The comments that affected you during your formative years in secondary school could have planted seeds of doubt that persist subconsciously.
Late Bloomer Concerns: Starting certain social experiences later than your peers can contribute to a feeling of playing catch-up. This can create a sense of being an outsider or not having the same reference points as others, which can fuel insecurity.
Social Anxiety: It's possible that despite your capabilities, you might be experiencing social anxiety, which is not uncommon even among high-achievers. The fact that alcohol helps you become more sociable suggests that your sober state might be inhibited by overthinking or fear of judgment.
Redpill Philosophy: While the 'redpill' approach emphasizes self-improvement and the idea that you can work through issues, it's also important to recognize that some aspects of self-perception and social comfort may require a different approach, such as therapy or counseling, to address underlying issues.
Unique Experiences: Not having traveled or having unique experiences outside of family activities could make you feel like you're missing out on common social bonding experiences. However, everyone's path is different, and it's never too late to create new experiences that are meaningful to you.
If you're looking for ways to address these feelings of insecurity, consider the following steps:
Remember, it's okay to seek help and it's a sign of strength to work on oneself. Everyone has their own journey with self-confidence, and it's a continuous process of growth and self-discovery.
Sources: Are some of us very insecure?, Self Worth Taking a Hit (Need Help), (serious) can't shake shitty feeling from not working at a T1 bank, Anybody else feel this way?, Are some of us very insecure?
There’s no better security than having an offer at Goldman Sachs
Ironically I noticed at my school that a lot of people who were gunning for ‘elite’ IB were the most deeply insecure and tried to make up for it with career success.
Just be you bro
But also be interesting and upbeat if you can - nobody wants to wallow around negative energy
This could be troll post and if it is, I would give it a B. Assuming that this is real, why do you think in an investment banking forum anyone would care about you knowing how to fight? Unless one is a total narcissist, a person is going to going to have something he or she is insecure about. A person is going to have some good attributes and may be a few not so good qualities. I was also a late bloomer in high school in that peers matured a lot faster than me, which at the time was kind of rough. When I was young ( teen years), despite being a relatively good looking kid, I felt that girls wanted guys who looked older. Most of this was probably in my own head. My advice would be too focus more on what you like about yourself and less on any negatives.
I think I remember some studies saying that narcissism is attractive to some people if not excessive, although this was a from a while ago
Agree w guy above, just focus on thinking about what you’re great at and what you like about yourself instead. If you really microanalyze everyone you meet, you would surely find stuff you find unappealing, but that’s what makes us human and unique anyways. Nobody is perfect, and if they were, they’d probably be somewhat boring
Firstly, thank you very much for your service.
As someone who is a college student right now, there is very little I can advice you on. But I wanted to ask you for some advice – if you could do it over, what would you change? For instance, if you didn't have as much experience going into college, what would you change about your mindset then if you could?
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