Family Life in Banking

There's a reason all the seniors in banking are divorced and their kids hate them.

Take this for what you will, but I have worked in banking for 3+ years for several MDs closely and these are the statistics:

MD1: Divorced, kids live with wife, generally high performer

MD 2: Divorced, estranged kids, generally high performer

MD 3: Married with young kids, below average performer

MD 4: Divorced, estranged kids, average performer

MD 5: Married with high school aged kids, below average performer

Correlation does not imply causation, but in my experience, all the high performing MDs I have worked with have strained family lives. It’s sort a of a vicious cycle because then those guys don’t give a shit about anyone else’s personal life, consequently lol.

First Boss. His name was Doug. I'm an entry level analyst trying to get this guy to open up on the walk to lunch. He's so stressed. 

"Hey Doug, so how are your kids doing?" "To be honest Michael, I haven't seen a lot of my kids." 

He was an alcoholic. I am too. There's a lot of people who want to go hard in every part of their lives, including drinking. Three years sober baby! 

Next Boss: 

Her kids were grown and she showed up to the office at 10AM and left at 4:30PM. She was a terror to be around because of her short hours. She was eventually fired and escorted out with a box by security. Thanks for 35 years. 

Next Boss: 

Two of his subordinates jumped him and he wouldn't shut up about it. Literally talked about these people for 30 minutes during the interview. After that, he was determined to never let it happen again so he held my career down. A hole through and through. Covered it up through the Baptist Church and volunteering. Never met someone so different in front of other people than they were in the office. Dude was the definition of two faced. He arrived to the office at 6:30...sometimes 6:00 and left at 6:00/7:00. Everyday. 

My Last Boss: 

Took his wife from Denver to live in Lubbock TX of all places. The office was located in Denver and Houston and the group head decided to manage everyone by himself in the middle of nowhere in North Texas. Bought his wife a house and while he was away on a trip, the basement completely molded. He then rented a house so his wife wouldn't leave him. This guy, let's call him John because that's his name, is paying for a house in Denver he can't sell (at least not for the $million+ he wants for it), a house in Lubbock his wife refuses to live in and a bummer house he's renting. Not sure how that situation is working out at the moment because I was laid off. 

These people were not happy with their careers, with exception to John. Mostly because he didn't come from a finance background and lucked into the gig altogether. There was no choice to question for him. Everyone else thought they should be doing something more. No one gets rich. Everyone just reaches new levels of relative poverty. Bosses #1 and #2 both told me to get out of finance and do something else. I'm telling you that now. 

So if your asking if there's "a way," the answer is absolutely not. Not in an area of finance that is competitive because there'll always be someone else willing to do it, at least until they figure out it's an unrewarding career. 

My friend is one of the top IBers in the world and has a wife and kids and a seemingly perfect life. But, you never know what goes on behind closed doors. 

I'll tell you what my MD told me: you can't have it all. 

As cliche as it is, find out what makes you happy. Being spectacular at work? Awesome. Having a spectacular family life? Great. 

There's no correct answer and you'll be surprised about the amount of people in our industry who do feel good from being high performers. Family life isn't the end all be all for some people.