For those in their 30s (and beyond)

I just turned 30, so hopefully eligible to answer this question. I can start with the things I am really glad I did in my 20s:

1. If it makes sense, be open to changing jobs a handful of times. Contrary to what others say, working different jobs in similar and complementary fields gave me a lot of perspective. I have worked for investment banks, consulting firms, and in a couple of corporate roles. Due to working in a variety of roles / teams, I actually appreciate what good culture looks like, and how critical it is for a team to really optimize their performance and maximize their fulfillment at work. Do I sound like a corny HR rep? Probably. But I also worked on some incredibly toxic teams, which gave me perspective. Similarly, I worked in environments with great cultures but poor leadership / execution, which in my world (M&A), can be very burdensome. Ultimately, I recommend everyone do their best to stay 2+ years at their first job out of school, but after that, I think job hopping can be advantageous.
2. Date with purpose. I met my now wife at 25, and had I not started looking as early as 22, it probably would've meant getting married in my early / mid-30s. Nothing wrong with that, but you need to appreciate how that impacts your personal trajectory (e.g., having children). This isn't relevant to everyone, but I know my friends in their late 20s that were still grinding out Hinge dates were very much over it. No, not all the good ones are taken, but if you have high standards, it can be very hard to find "the one".
3. Exercise and get in shape. I have been working out my entire life, but I worked very hard to keep this going in my 20s. I am now 30, and in the best shape of my life. Regardless of gender, everyone will always judge you for how you present yourself. You don't need to be in great shape, but you need to always look presentable. If you cannot control this in your 20s, you are f*cked when it comes to your 30s / 40s, as your metabolism slows further and your stress and responsibilities double. If you aren't in shape now, change that. Obvious exceptions being IB / PE make this super challenging, but what you can do is diet and control what you eat.
4. Eat right. If you work long hours (many on this site do), you need to eat clean. Especially during the work week. This allows me to feel as energized as possible. Learn to cook, and cook things that are good for you. Chicken, salmon, tuna, steak, veggies, salads, should all be things you have mastered. Only exception on the cooking part is if you're in IB / PE, you simply may not have the time. 

5. Don't worry so much about your job title. I have worked for and reported to people who are younger than me. To many, this would be embarrassing. However, I took a very unconventional career path and made transitions very few have made. I am grateful to be here. It is easy to compare yourself to others and to get caught up in the rat race (many of my friends are VPs in IB / PE whereas I am just a mere Associate in Corp Dev). However, career progression can be measured by many metrics. My fulfillment, compensation, responsibility, and experience are increasing meaningfully each year. I am getting much much better at what I do each year. Similar to what Hugh Myron implied below, don't rush to chase a certain title or pay band. I firmly believe what I am doing now will best position me to be successful in a dream role 5 years from now. Therefore, despite my lagging tittle, I remain motivated and do my best to be content with where I am in life. When you get to your late 20s many of your friends are really killing it career wise (I have friends who founded businesses, received multi-million equity payouts, and / or are on partner track at top \firms). Congratulate your friends and genuinely be excited for them, but do not beat yourself up for not being in the same spot as them. I should know, I spent many years wishing I had done things differently so I could have ended up in their current position. As anyone reading this knows, this is a complete time waste and not how life works at all.

   Finally, to address what I wish I had done differently:

   1. I am going to summarize all my regrets into a single point that I think will resonate with all readers; I didn't take the risk / the chance. I got a great job offer in my dream city, and turned it down because the risk was higher than a different offer in a T1 city. I had an offer to join a small PE fund with a lot of uncertainty but with partners I really liked, and it could've changed my life. I fumbled it with a few different girls because I wasn't emotionally mature enough to open up and tell them how I really felt. In short, during your 20s you will have these moments where you are smart enough to realize you have a special opportunity in front of you, and you will have two internal monologues; one will tell you to take the chance, and the other will tell you to go with a safer option. Listen to the former, not the latter. 

FT MBA 

One thing is maybe have our first child around 28-29 instead of 32-33.  I think it would have been easier to have three children if we started earlier.  I’m now of the belief that “its never the perfect time” to have kids because we’ll always think of doing more with ourselves.  We were lucky to even have kids at early 30’s because of a lucky accident. For context, we were one of the first among friends to have kids, age wise.

Maybe on top of that, buying our first home in our late 20’s would have been better than early 30’s.  We barely had enough for a down payment, so it had to be early 30’s for us.  But if we could have done it earlier, that would have been better. 

 

for those in your 30s (i’m late 20s) how do you balance saving money, rent in nyc, and dating

I qualify as beyond.  Looking back, I would watch my diet more than I did in my 20s.  Even if you are not overweight, which I was not, you can still get high cholesterol, which I had at the time.  I changed my diet to address the issue. I also probably would have dropped out of Corporate America sooner than I did.  I prefer working for myself.

Two things - find an exercise routine I enjoyed, and date my wife more often. 

Many others here have suggested it, but clean eating and exercise do wonders. The amount of travel I do doesn't help matters, but I feel like if I had an exercise routine I enjoyed it would be easier to stay in shape. 

My wife and I are hitting our 10-year mark this summer. I probably spent too much time either working, thinking about work, or kickin' it with my friends instead of giving our relationship the attention it deserves. Yeah, it's a bit sappy, but now that I'm mid-30s I feel like I'm playing a bit of catch-up. 

I had to think about this for a few minutes because as we all know, where you are today is a product of all the decisions you've made over the course of your life. To answer your question in a different way, I'm happy with where I am in my mid thirties, and here are a few reasons why.

Who you marry is arguably the most important decision you'll make. Good ones are hard to come by and they will make you a better person if it's the right partner. I realized at 25 I was looking at her and held on. Married at 29 and kids by 32. As someone with old parents and hated it growing up, nobody had to tell me twice not to wait until mid 30s because 'why the rush?' Friends who are now single in their 30s aren't loving it. For the younger dudes out of college - the ones you want will be locked down quicker than you think. People play it off like I'm not looking for anything serious but next thing you know, you're approaching 30 and a lot of the hottest smartest coolest wife material is already off the market. Don't wait just to wait despite what current trends may suggest.

Set yourself up before you find yourself in a serious relationship when you are no longer able to make decisions with only yourself in mind. Examples would be buy the watch, buy the car/bike/toy, establish a workout routine, establish the annual ski trip with the boys, pack fat lips, etc. Program your life accordingly so when she enters the picture, you aren't asking for permission and she's able to get a sense of your lifestyle. It's a two way street and sacrifices inevitably have to be made, but when you are already wearing the watch you want, easier conversation to say I don't need a second right now versus sorry I'm dropping my bonus on a watch, not towards our future savings/life together.

Working out / looking good and presenting well is a life hack that will get you further than you might think. Halo effect is very real and plays into the whole 'half of it is just showing up' theory. It helps to look the part. Haircut, attire, weight, hygiene all matter and if you aren't already thinking that way, start now as you go into your 30s. It's a game changer that people don't necessarily talk about but has a real impact on your dating life, career trajectory, and general brand as a person.

Don't be afraid to switch industries/jobs/cities. Now is the time. I'm glad I did it when I was single in my 20s and only myself to consider. If you take care of yourself, by the time you move back to a big city after your time working on the mountain in Big Sky, people won't even know you're a 30 yr old associate and think you're 27 like other post MBA people.

It all goes very fast and you don't get it back. If you've been putting off a move or a career change or asking her out, you have nothing to lose by acting now. And everything to gain.

Proud of my 30+ year old cohort for the responses here.  I agree and echo pretty much across the board.

The only thing I'd add, which may be surprising, is don't fear getting older.  I enjoyed my 20s a lot but at times I look back and realize it was a fever dream.  Pushing so hard to establish myself and get points on the board, learning a ton (in some cases the hard way), and navigating adulthood without the backing of bank of mom and dad.  I'm extremely proud of those efforts but if a genie came along and granted me the ability to go back to being a 24 year old, I don't think I'd take that deal.  It's exhausting to think about lol.

With the benefit of hindsight, I'd probably tell my 24 year old self to chill out a bit but the reality is that semi-neuroticism probably fueled the progression.    

I should have taken more risk on and moved faster.

A good example is, since i had no assets, using personally guaranteed leverage > other forms. It's cheaper, available earlier in the lifecycle of a business, and there's no risk since you have no assets lol.

Introspection - What do I want out of life and why? Less coasting.

Health Self Education - Learn more about health in general and the aging process. I believe I was intentionally lied to by TBTB that if one eats healthy and works out, then you live to mid 80's and drop dead. Note, this is not how aging works. Your prostate will enlarge, you will get random things breaking, that is aging.

Wisdom - Youth is for risk taking and having fun(within limits). Travel, outdoors, career, moving, all should be done when young. Do not take up mountain biking at 40. Do not try to start a business when you have two toddlers, a wife, and a mortgage.

Confidence - Build it when your are young. Be fit, be learned, dress sharp (as you define it), eat well. Push yourself up the social hierarchy as much as you can, it matters, even if you do not get to the top.

What you think is important in your twenties may not really be true. I do not have a girlfriend. It's ok. I feel not happy. It's ok. I broke up with my girlfriend from college. It's ok. I got fired. It's ok. Time will heal. Yes it hurts, as some  have already posted on this board, but in your long term journey, nothing but a wisdom buff if you are open to learn.

Frugality - That fancy watch or car...not really that important, seriously. If you are going to spend, spend on experiences, not stuff. Stuff breaks, experiences turn into memories to get you through your rough times.

Last - baby steps. Overweight, stop drinking soda. Then, go use the stairs at work. Then, eat a salad on Thursday. Not, let me go to the gym, get some power shakes, and attempt to deadlift your body weight.

Hitting the 30 yo mark in a few months. Also, since I am a man, this comment may not be very useful to a woman.

1. Be true to yourself. I am just a nerd who loves spending time reading and figuring out things on his own. While I do appreciate the skillset IB has brought me, I should have started at some place where I can conduct research and trade.
   1. No, I haven't made bank in my PA because due to a variety of factors (macroeconomics, living in a different country, switching jobs, also briefly got into a different field) I do not have a lot to begin with. But I simply love the public markets way more than the private markets. A couple of my professors who worked in "high finance" also recommended a HF, big or small. I didn't listen because I chose to chase prestige and an illusion of money.
   2. It is about figuring out this question: Who am I really? Back in college, I was spending hours sitting in front of a desk studying for an advanced probability and stochastic process class and became the only person who got an A in that elective. Probably not the smartest on earth, but that's me. I hope I've known better.
2. As others have pointed out, date with a purpose. I got married last October. Met my life on a dating app and we dated for roughly 2 years before getting married. She's not as pretty as some of my ex, but she has awesome personal characteristics that I really appreciate. It's a different kind of emotion compared to that of my exs. It's more long-term appreciation vs. short-term/one-night "let's do it tonight...". I wish I could have dated people like this at least 2-3 years back so that I could harvest more personal growth out of relationships.
3. Don't give an F about what others think. Do what you want as long as it is not illegal. You don't need anybody's approval. Want to live in a forest in Vermont for 2 years and live sorta like David Thoreau? Do it. Want to start a company as a solo, almost broke non-tech founder? Do it. Really want a 30K buyside gig vs. your 120K IB gig? Do it. As Nike's ad says, Just do it.
4. Be a morning person. I cannot emphasize how much this has changed me, although sarcastically I started waking up early because I was working at a boutique bank's research department in the West Coast back in 2018 as an intern. Much more energetique now.
5. Pursue what you love, be it a woman/man or your career. A lot of great things started as side projects and hobbies. Don't push yourself into a "quit it or hit it" mode. Start small and compound. Unlock your unrealized potential. Nobody knows who you are anyway, so why don't you just try, because when you "failed" you are just back in square one. Or maybe two.
6. Be true to yourself. I cannot emphasize how important this is. Don't be someone you are not, especially when you date girls. Somehow they just know, which used to irritate me a lot because I was trying to that cool, bro-ish guy who's really good with girls. Well, guess what, I'm the shy, nerdy type. Worked out for me. I've never liked relationship-driven careers, still don't. That's why I'm slightly changed gears. 

Just wanted to let you fellas know that all this advice is invaluable, especially as a 25 year old.

I’m reading some of these comments and realized that I’m doing/done some of the things you guys wished you did, or doing/done things you did and are happy you did them.

As someone largely operating without the guidance of a mentor or a parent who treaded the path I’m on, this is all validating the decisions I’m currently making. Thank you all for putting all these thoughts on paper.

Love y’all; this is what WSO is all about.

I’d say build something, absolutely anything, that is yours. It could be as simple as a small ecommerce store with a limited budget. But I’m a firm believer that these things compound and over the span of 5-10 years, you could find yourself with a solid side business that might turn into your full time thing.

I’ll do the OP better. I recently finished my thirties… No regrets but things I would have changed in later twenties-mid thirties… 

1) Leave Asia earlier. I’m from the US but lived and studied and worked in Asia for well over a decade. 
2) Like another poster said, take more risk in career or lower positions when making a switch. I had chances to move to totally different things earlier if I did. That’s totally ok and I’m chill with it now. 
3) Be less flexible with people who clearly didn’t respect my time. Your time and energy is limited. Respect yourself. 
4) Put up with less BS and disrespect when it came to dating. See number three. 
5) Started and committed to skiing earlier. I’ve discovered the joy of skiing (again) the last 3-4 years but I have to be more cautious now so that I don’t shatter my body. I wish I had skied more earlier so I could get better and do more terrain. 

The key takeaway is self respect and confidence-based I would say. If you have these issues it’s ok but totally worth reflecting and maybe considering therapy if you can afford it..
 

I’ll give you some non standard advice:

Push yourself until you break, pick up the pieces, reflect and the  do it again. 

Do this across a few of your life domains (career, relationships, health, finances etc), before 30. 

By the end of it, by your 30’s you’ll have the maturity and wisdom of a 60 year old, and it will allow you to handle anything life throws at you when the stakes are higher. 

It’s pretty funny I’ve come to this realisation, but the idea of “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger” does work. The most powerful lessons are the most painful, so get those done before you’re in the crucial part of your life (30s are typically your make or break). 

At this point I don’t regret a whole lot. 

I was an average student in college but when I had set some directions and goals in my first job I was laser focused in achieving all of them. And I put it above my social life but still was able to find time for both. Would say holding yourself accountable for your actions is most important 

Echoing the prior comments about staying active and keeping office evening Seamless on the healthier side.  Went from college athlete, fast metabolism, to getting injured / 5+ year journey to recovery in my primary sport and gaining 30 lbs within a couple years of sitting behind a desk at all hours.  Now just getting injury-free/active again in mid-30s.

Additional thoughts on exercise: 

• YMMV depending on role, but I've found generally (including friends also in finance/law) you have the most control over your schedule earlier in the day.  Sucks if you're not a morning person.
• Get into the mindset of something is better than nothing, rather than setting some minimum threshold of time/activity that, if you can't hit, you just skip working out for the day.  Movement is foundational; if you don't move your body, it will break or deform.  If you have no equipment or time, even a few sets of push-ups / single-leg squats at the end of the day is something; plyos or sprints up stairs in a hotel stairwell if you're somehow in a place with no gym.  
• Multi-tasking solution I adopted from a friend is to hop on an exercise bike for 30 min in the morning while catching up on emails or other reading/work you can do from your phone or printed material while you spin.
• If you're in a period where you cannot do all three of work, sleep a full night, and exercise, I fall on the side of cutting exercise in favor of sleep.  I've seen comments elsewhere about sacrificing sleep for exercise... guess what, if you're not sleeping, your body isn't recovering.  If you're more cardio focused, I've seen recent studies suggesting that you can get the same health benefits from cramming your weekly volume in on the weekends; no clue whether the same holds for gym rats, but personal outlook, better to get 2-3 workouts/week in, even if short, with preservation of at least 6hrs in bed nightly, as opposed to cutting by a sleep cycle, only getting 4.5hrs and going to the gym for an hour.
• If you're a skier in NYC with no car / friends to carpool with and no time, try the OvRride bus for day/weekend getaways - you can work on the bus, and if median northeast ski conditions turn you off, suck up your pride, something is better than nothing.   

The only thing I will add as these are all great responses. 

Your real life starts at 35. Before then you don't seem time a gift because it is in abundance. Be careful who you spend your time with, and on.  But, at the same time, go out to that big party, learn to work hungover, but mostly honor your commitments, to your work, family, and teams.

Have kids earlier than you think, believe 30 is the perfect time.

Advice to women, you cannot have it all. America and the world is really bad at your explaining your healthcare across the spectrum. I assume this will get me MS. It is really hard to have a kid after 35, like REALLY hard. Freezing eggs doesn't always work, I know a c-suit(almost) head of finance at something in a BB bank, she waited too long. She is an awesome person. Once you hit 40 you hit peri menopause, at 50 you hit menopause, these are very strong phases of life that are affected by your hormones. 

This is for both men and women, if you don't think family is the most important thing in this world, you are kidding yourself, by 30,35, and latest 40 you will know if you are going to be the next Bill Gates....you aren't.

• Don't sweat too hard about saving the younger you are. In retrospect it was so stupid that I was eating scrambled eggs for dinner a couple nights a week at 22 so I could sock away $10k of my base salary or whatever -- if you stay in this industry you'll make it back before too long. Don't miss out on cool experiences or trips over cost
• Go party with your friends at every opportunity, the older you get the more people move / lose interest / have kids or family stuff to deal with. It's also much easier to meet new people the younger you are -- some of my closest friends today are random friends-of-friends I met at 24, and I don't have as many opportunities for new connections like that now
• For out-of-town friends you care about staying in touch with, make a plan to see them in-person at least once a year. And there's nothing weird about ringing your buddy out of the blue to shoot the shit, it's a hell of a lot better than texting
• Minimize reliance on dating apps as much as you can. People you meet in the wild are so much higher-yield, in part because it feels more authentic / less cheesy
• Try to eat a salad once a day. I interpreted this kind of loosely (e.g. I'd count getting lettuce as a base at Chipotle instead of rice), but it's the easiest way to stay not-fat even if you're too busy to exercise
• Make working out everyday your default mindset. Invariably you won't actually do that, but I found that any rigid plan (e.g. "I'm going to lift MWF") would never survive random social/professional obligations and would quickly spiral 

Spend 50% less time on message boards.

Message boarding is probably a result of not having the same interests as close friends or spouse (if you have any); geographical distance; and new ways of communicating.  

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Wish I spent less time optimizing Excel models and more time optimizing my hairline.

Mid-30s. Wish I would have had kids earlier. Always some reason: fund's having a bad year, time's not right blah blah. Once you want them and you hear friends struggle as they get older, everything changes.

That and just bet bigger on my all my convictions in my 20s. Got a lot right that I let others talk me out of across both work and life.

Build the habit of working out consistently so it becomes an automatic thought to find time several days a week to move your body. 

Be thoughtful about who you give your time to professionally and personally. Find a group of people (friends, mentors) that truly have similar interests and development goals…don’t just spend time with “friends” that exist because of happenstance proximity/partying. Date purposefully, talk to everybody (face to face >>> device communication), network constantly, and give/add value multiple times before you ever ask for something from somebody. 

Spend time thinking about long-term goals (in your 20s it is really easy to live life day by day without thinking about what you should be doing consistently to move you closer to where you want to be in 1, 5, 10 years). 

Be appropriately skeptical of management when it seems like they are telling you all the things you want to hear. “You’re crushing it!” “You need to take a 3-5 years view…you’re on the cusp of a giant compensation inflection in your career.” In my 12 year span at one firm I regret not seeing more advice from outside/neutral parties on career trajectory in my role. 

Have kids sooner and have more of them. I guess I can still do the second.