So my gf is international and did her bachelors, which costed a fortune given she’s international they charge higher tuition fees. But Unfortunately she didn’t manage to land a job with her bachelors and now her plan is to do a masters, which is going to cost another $100k or so. Her main reasons for wanting to do a masters is A) try improve her chances for a job and B) extend her visa.
I’m seriously against this because:
A) it’s a tonne of money that she can use to invest for the long term and make more, or potentially go towards our deposit if we ever decide to get married and move in together.
B) if she didn’t get a job with her bachelors I highly doubt a masters will make a difference
C) the masters is a non core subject so I don’t think worth doing, like if it was a science or finance one, maybe but it’s not.
It’s been causing some conflict between us and I’m not sure how to handle or who’s in the right or wrong here. Any suggestions?
Who is paying for the advanced degree?
her savings account but that was given to her by her parents, so technically her parents
If it is not your money, I would let it go.
You're in the wrong here unless there are some details you aren't telling us. You can either support her chasing her dreams like a good boyfriend or commit to a life together so the two of you have a say in those dreams together.
hey thanks for sharing your thoughts, appreciate it.
to reply to your points:
1 feel we're still early days so marriage isn't something i'm comfortable with yet, it's only been around 6 months of us being official so not even a year yet, although we did say we plan to move in together when both our apartment leases are up in august.
2 and 3 i feel that's fair for important degrees, but hers is like media studies or something which feels like a waste of time and money, if she couldn't get a job with her bachelors in it, a masters defo won't help.
But I guess it's not my money so I have no say in how she should spend it
Honestly, if it's still "early days" this isn't really a conversation you're allowed to opine on beyond trying to get her to think about post-degree job prospects, other uses of funds, etc. You've been dating for six months and aren't really committed to each other at this point in terms of entanglement. It's not your money or life, and without more commitment you can't be thinking about her money in terms of what it can do for your collective lives in the future.
Why write so much and not even say what the subject of her master's is?
didn't think it was that relevant but it's media studies or something, total waste imo
I can't imagine being dumb or naïve enough to pay full freight for a bachelor's in such a worthless category and thinking it's then a smart idea to double down with another $100k to get a Master's in it thinking that'll improve my situation.
I think you only say that because we as a collective on this website are predominantly in white-collar professional services (law/finance/consulting), and worked pretty hard to get here. You may be viewing her decision from over the fence. If she (or her family) have the money to go get an MA, then maybe she has the financial resources to make breaking into the arts world (based on her major) worthwhile.
Also, at the end of the day, what the hell are you going to do about her decision, convincing aside? Based on what you've said, the only people with any leverage here are her family. You can make whatever argument you'd like but it seems like a waste of time to do so.
On top of that, from one boyfriend to another, it's not a great idea to constrain the dreams and aspirations of your SO even if those are imperceptible to you. I speak from experience. You guys have only been dating for 6 months, anyway. Give everything, including this part of her academic career, some time to marinate.
Agree with CRE. If you've dated long enough just marry her to stay. Sounds like an east asian international student if she's willing to chuck 100k for a masters, which I'm guessing her parents are paying for anyway. If you have any reluctance to marry her or are concerned about how your relationship will fare in the real world outside college and still want to test that then I suppose that's valid but you should at least help her find a way to take some type of other education to extend her visa longer. If she qualifies for STEM extension also look into that.
hey thanks for the reply and sharing your thoughts. yep you're correct - asian and funded by her parents. I do have a ruluctance to marry (for now) as we've only been officially in a relationship for 6 months so it still feels too early for this topic, but at the same time i would want her to be in a the best financial positoin if we do eventually marry. for example, I'd rather her spend the 100k on a deposit for our house and her become a house wife and i pay for everything going forward, then her paying 100k for masters and still not get a job.
I'm not sure of other ways to extend the visa though that you were suggesting?
sit her down and tell her that she needs a plan. Probs should do something relating to Master in Business/Data Analytics -> from that she could do Marketing Analytics which is a blend of marketing & stem. I think it's hard for a girl who has background in Comm and Media to switch to stem/finance related so choose somewhere in the middle.
But anyways tell her to list all the reasons, pros, and cons and discuss with her.
If it's for the sake of visa only, its gonna expired and having a master degree in the field won't do that much if she couldnt get anything with bachelor degree
Not saying that anything other than finance or stem masters is useless, but don’t get me wrong, there ARE useless masters degrees out there, that won’t help find a job. Unless you say what masters she wants to pursue, I can’t really say if you’re in the right about this or not. As for the joint finances/ visa thing, sounds like you gotta either put a ring on it or bite your tongue brotha. Best of luck.
can't remember the official title of the masters as we've had a lot of arguments about it when it's brought up but it's something in the theme of media studies. I just feel she did a bachelors degree in it and got no job offers and she didn't even get any job interviews. which just shows how pointless the degree is to me. and now she thinks spending 100k on a masters will help her, it doesn't make any sense to me.
Bit too early for the ring as it's only been 6 months official in relationship but we do plan to move in together once our leases are up.
You’re not paying for this right?
nope defo not. she has a savings account with around $100k in it (funded by her parents), it started at 200k but she's spent 100k already for her bachelors and rent, which has led to no job so far.. i'd rather her use the 100k towards a deposit and then she becomes a house wife than her pay 100k for a pointless degree.
you sound like a condescending control freak, respectfully
true this guy is weird asf.
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