Guys in here who don't want the family life or a wife, what's your plan?
It's more common in the younger generations than older ones. Seems like when we were kids the plan was to go to school, get married before 30, have kids, picket fence, and mortgage but it doesn't seem as common now.
I've seen a lot more possibility now than I did months back but I wonder at times if I am the only one who genuinely does not want the family life or monogamy in adulthood.
For others in the same boat, what are you going to do with your life?
This is a tough one. I don't believe in pre-marital or extra-marital sex, but I also have zero desire--none whatsoever--to get married and have kids while I think about relations about 99% of waking hours. It's sort of like a mental prison. The solution I'm leaning towards is polygamy but, yeah, that's not super realistic given the social ostracization. So, I have no freakin' idea. I just know that I would be absolutely sick of sleeping with the same woman after about a month and bored with her entirely in 6 months, and that marriage for me could only end poorly for all parties involved.
It sucks because there is nothing better in this world than happy marriages, lots of children and pets, and a nice home. But it's not for everyone. It's kind of why I'm passionate about homebuilding--maybe I can build great, affordable middle-class houses for lots of newly forming families. It can be my contribution to the family in this world.
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..... it appears being celibate is what it takes to achieve Pro status on WSO
Lmao I wasn’t celibate until a half year ago when I had a “Kanye” moment.
You contradicted yourself multiple times in two paragraphs..
Yes, which is exactly the point. When you have a worldview that contradicts your lifestyle that contradicts your intellectual desires and physical desires, you end up having contradictory feelings and behaviors. That was my exact point.
get yourself in with the burner / hippie crowd, plenty of poly folks there
I see a lot of this and I think they're really going to regret it when they get older and all the good girls are settled down and it's just you and your sad single friends. You can't have 60 years of fulfilling casual sex. I'm real biased. Married 4 years at 27 with a kid on the way. But I think I'm right. It's like a moderate amount of responsibility to buy a house and get married and have a kid and help your parents out and all this kind of shit. Sure, being some sort of Jack Kerouac-esque character sounds more fun. But Jack Jerouac died of internal bleeding from alcohol in his mother's house.
I think there are exceptions. But I think those exceptions are really driven by some really specific goal for the most part if they're to remain content. Most people who choose the perma-loner life are taking a cheap and easy route out and they've tricked themselves that times have changed and blah blah blah, okay whatever, catch you in 20 years when I have adult children in my 50s and complete financial and time freedom and you're getting eyelid lifts and dating smoothie bar employees.
Check out the recent divorce statistics and think about whether you would like to lose half of your assets at a whim of a woman. I know a bunch of middle ages couples and the number where the wife cheats is something like 7/10 times which is to me is astonishing. Divorce/loss of wealth + sloppy seconds is what you're potentially exposing yourself to by marrying in today's society.
Of course there are exceptions which are extremely rate. To be honest your post sounds like that is what you're hoping will happen instead of analyzing facts.
My entire life is based around the premises of family & health > emotional intelligence > knowledge and experience > hobbies and interests > money
If my wife cheats on me, that would be a tremendous learning experience. I'll lose every penny I own at any moment. I don't give a shit. Nobody can ever take what really matters from me.
At the end of the day, you're living in a scarcity mentality and I live in abundance. I'll lose it. I'll make it back. I don't give a shit. If you really fancied yourself a valuable man like you say you do, you'd have no fear either.
You're anecdotal experience is extremely convincing.
Also, there is something called a pre-nuptial agreement. If you don't have one, you're an idiot who deserves to lose half their assets. Besides which, the supposition that your earning potential isn't somewhat dependent on your spouse is absurd. Marital assets should be split 50/50. If you don't want "your" money going to someone else, be a stay at home husband and let your wife be the breadwinner. Otherwise shut it.
based
“You can’t have 60 years of fulfilling casual sex.”
Challenge accepted.
Based on the Off Topic forum, half of this forum appears to be incels now so I'm expecting some colorful answers.
I love these threads
dudes who've never had sex commenting on how they'd never want to be with the same woman forever
dudes that have never had a girlfriend talking about how dumb marriage is
dudes without money worrying about a divorcing spouse taking half
dudes not having success with females assuming married dudes don't get laid (hint: unprotected sex with a babe who will cook for you afterwards is better than sloppy 3am sex with a soft 7 who scrolls through instagram at brunch the next day)
do whatever you want kids. no one's forcing you to get married, just like no one forced me
My favorite flavor is the first-year analysts discussing prenups to protect their lofty fortunes.
Ikr. They're announcing choices that they don't even have
So I used to think this way. I had some long term relationships end abruptly and figured that was it. I figured I’d work like crazy and just hook up with random girls and date them until they got tired of me not paying attention to them. Then I met the right girl and threw that dumb idea out the window.
I didn't choose the playa life, the playa life chose me
I always thought this way, but found a girl who changed my views. It's not worth it unless you meet someone who checks all of your boxes and adds value to your life. Anything can happen at any time, but I could see us getting married.
I think I used to not be able to see myself getting married because of the types of girls I would 'date.' My girlfriend has actually made me a better person in a number of ways. She also works very hard which is inspiring. She doesn't need anything from me nor does she ask anything of me, that's also important IMO when you're thinking long term.
Even Tucker Max has a wife and kids now. You can't sarge & slay forever.
wasn't that guy a big fat phony anyway
I thought I was gonna be a life long bachelor as well. But then I met my wife and she totally changed my views.
Married for 3 years now with an infant kid.
I mean there has to be plenty to do in terms of career advancement, building businesses, public service, etc. Family life isn’t for everyone.
.
The divorce rate for all marriages is something like 50% and for first-time marriages is something like 40%. Obviously, many, many people are not of the particular character for modern marriage. I have to think many of the other 60% aren't particularly happy in their marriages despite not getting divorced.
It's for many people, but marriage isn't for everyone.
It’s not as if saying no to family life means that you spend life alone though, you still have plenty of friends to be around. If they move on to a new stage of life that’s incompatible with your lifestyle, then it’s time to go find some new friends. I see in New York a lot of people in their 40s and 50s who seem to be perpetually single, but have fulfilling and interesting lives. That would be preferable to most families’ frankly mundane lives, IMO.
Seth Davis, "Tell me Harry, are you married or are you happy?"
the best thing to do is not have a plan when the best results happen spontaneously. when I was searching for the right person, all I found was shallow bitches. when I wasn't searching, I met my now wife. >10 years later...we're still happy.
just allow life to happen and keep an open mind, you'll be much more at ease without the self imposed pressure of a plan not coming to fruition exactly the way you see it today
+1
Wait... why the hell am I not a "pro" yet?
As for married life and no kids etc. you'll hear that more from this site because people are young. Most people don't maintain that mindset because they don't have the mental fortitude to navigate the solitude that comes with constantly being single. As for me, I would've liked to get married/ have a kid a bit older but it happened when it did and I'm happy with it. I can't stress enough how good having a kid feels - it's made me a better person. With that said, nothing wrong with side chics, just keep that shit casual (as in don't fall in love with the side chic). I'm not there yet (my relationship is young enough where I don't feel the need for a side chic) but give me like 10 years and I will be. It just is what it is. I love my GF and she needs to be the mother to all my children but I'll always wanna conquer new pussy.
And I'll see you in a decade complaining on this site when you lose half of your money to alimony due to chasing shallow girls.
Truth
We got a conqueror on our hands, fellas
Just call me Hernan Cortes
That's the key to life, most men who cheat get caught because most men's use who is around them. A woman traveling for work still keeps her sexual value, because it is implied through beauty, but a man's value or what women find valuable are usually made in context of social heirarchy, very difficult to gauge on a one-off basis.
Think you meant "chicc" lol gotta keep the c's wide
Mid 30s here. No opposition to the family life but needs to be on my terms, which means not settling for what 90% of the married guys I know have settled for. Namely a wife who sucks and a family life that has them constantly looking for an excuse to get out of the house.
I figure sometime in my early/mid 40's, when half my buds will be out on the prowl looking for wife #2, I'll join them as I find wife #1. It'll be like old times.
Studies show that married people are happier and healthier. Casual sex is def not as good long-term as it seems. Dan Bilzerian himself said that it won't make you happy
I rather be a miserable bachelor getting laid a lot than a happily married man
Sounds like a false dichotomy. You can be happily married and have fun with your wife a lot. Some people are in open marriages if that's your thing. But if you marry right, you can be well taken care of in that regard.
There's a selection bias because it's not including those who were married, but are now not which should be factored from someone considering marriage.
Never seen a happy 80 year old single dude...
Most men when they are older look for a mother or nurse figure. It seems when men are widowed they remarry quickly. I think a higher percentage of older women who are widowed stay single.
Damn, I was hoping I come across one Dan Bilzerian or future cool bachelor here :/
Tinder gold and a Mangusta 108 motor yacht in the Mediterranean should work well. Lots of exit ops
It seems your real question is about finding fulfillment. Specifically when the societal norm of marriage and a family is not appealing to you.
You are obviously intelligent and aware enough to know that if one does not choose to pursue a family they are free to prioritize whatever is most important to them in life. Your inner circle of family and friends can be a priority regardless of your marital status. For me, I want a family but for now I'm focused on myself. If I truly did not want a family, I would accept that and wouldn't pander to anyone. People care very little about what you do with your life as long as you are confident in who you are.
It comes down to self-awareness and knowing what you want in life, accepting that, and then enjoying the life you choose and want. There have always been people who don't choose family life and there are plenty of examples of successful people who live single lives or get married and don't have children.
My closest mentor is 58 with no children. He prioritizes relationships with the family and friends he does have. He is also consistently open and generous with his time and I believe he gets a lot of value and fulfillment from acting as a mentor to me and others. He travels frequently and is also quite wealthy, happy, and extremely well respected and liked in the many communities he is a part of.
die alone
El Plan you need to trust the plan. It will take many months to find out.
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