"Hanging In There"
Has anyone else experienced a toxic work culture to the point you understand suicidal thoughts?
Disclaimer*** Largely a rant.
I'm not going to do anything because I realize I can just quit. I am staying because I want to find something before leaving. However, the days are becoming more and more unbearable and I have exhausted all chances of things changing for me at this firm. I have not been getting staffed and was extremely proactive about sourcing opportunities only to be denied time and time again. (No reason was provided and feedback on work quality was positive.) As other male counterparts (some even more junior) were given opportunities, I realized that I wasn't in the boys club. (There are no women on the deal team.) While I realize I will never be in the boys' club, I can't help but take things personally and think there is genuinely more to this. I am a pariah.
As much as I would like to and have tried doing the "work hard and leave" thing, it doesn't work. When you work this many hours with people who treat you so low, it is impossible not to be impacted. The fact that my opportunities to learn are stunted as well is especially painful.
I know HR is not my friend. I know my manager is not my friend. Ultimately, I need to leave.
Any advice for "hanging in there" until I find my exit?
Based on the most helpful WSO content, it's clear that you're not alone in feeling the weight of a toxic work culture. Many in the industry have faced similar challenges, and it's important to remember that your well-being should always come first. Here are some strategies that might help you "hang in there" while you search for a new opportunity:
Set Boundaries: Try to establish work-life boundaries, even in a demanding environment. This could mean setting specific times when you are not available or carving out time for breaks and personal activities.
Seek Support: Look for support outside of work. This could be friends, family, or professional help. Sometimes talking to someone who is removed from the situation can provide a fresh perspective and emotional relief.
Focus on Health: Prioritize your physical and mental health. Exercise, meditation, and proper nutrition can help manage stress and improve your mood.
Document Everything: Keep a record of your work, the opportunities you've asked for, and the feedback received. This can be useful if you need to discuss your situation with HR or for your own clarity that you've done what you can.
Network: Continue to network within and outside your current firm. This can open up new opportunities and provide a sense of progress and hope.
Plan Your Exit: Be proactive about your job search. Update your resume, reach out to contacts, and perhaps consider working with a recruiter who specializes in your field.
Find Small Joys: Try to find small things that bring you happiness or relaxation during your day, whether it's a hobby, reading, or watching a favorite show.
Professional Development: Use any extra time you have to improve your skills or knowledge, which can make you more marketable for your next role.
Remember, it's crucial to take care of yourself, and if the situation becomes too much to bear, it may be worth considering if it's truly necessary to wait for another job before leaving. Your health and well-being are irreplaceable.
Sources: Suicidal thoughts in IB, WSO 2022 Investment Banking Work-Conditions Survey (Part 1/3), Contemplating Suicide, Have You Ever Burned Out?, Leaving IB Soon, Final Rants
Yeah - therapy.
Obviously look for a new job and get yourself into a better situation, but you're not going to be any good to yourself or come off well to a future employer if you're a mess mentally. Beyond the importance of maintaining good mental health for its own sake, it'll come off in the interview and if you manage to get the job, you'll start something new with the same burnout you currently have. It's a recipe for disaster.
agree that's a good starting place, thanks
Going to therapy is a really smart idea because you can secretly use your therapist to help you organize your thoughts for behavioral questions. If you’re interviewing and someone asks you what vegetable you would be you don’t want to have an existential crisis because you never thought about whether you’re more of a bok choy or a spring onion.
Just practice quiet quitting.
Look, at this point you’re fed up with the misogyny and bullying right? Your future at the firm is bleak whether you work hard or not.
So use the fact you are a woman to your advantage. They will not instantly fire you, sounds like they are quietly telling you to leave. So listen to them.
Get whatever little work you are given done, and then focus on your job search. Don’t stay late or go the extra mile.
Who knows, it may turn out good for you. You could coast for 6 months to a year, get laid off with severance and find a new job within a month..
Sounds like this guy speaking from first-hand experience, this is good advice
Thanks for the response. 100% agree with you.
Honestly, there's nothing better than hating where you currently are to motivate you to look for better opportunities. In five years, you will look back and be thankful that you left. If you were on the fence, you might talk yourself into staying for one more bonus season or one more promotion. Now that you have figured out the tough part, find the next opportunity and don't look back. The next find can be a stretch or a bit of a pivot - it doesn't matter but your current situation frees you to take that leap.
I’ve been the only woman and not given interesting work/felt out of the boys club for years. It changed for me when I started getting more vocal. I just continuously point out the inequalities. I continuously show how others get better/more interesting/more challenging/higher priority work. The key though is to be so fabulous and work hard and be so good that they can’t blame it on something else- so that took some years for me. It’s gotten to the point that I am bullet proof from sexism- and it wasn’t easy. When I found my latest firm I did everything I could to ensure I wasn’t joining a sexist team as well. If I can help- LMK either here or by PM where you are/what you do and I’m happy to help.
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