Hooked Up With Scarlett Johannson

So last Friday, the guys and I got together for some pre-gaming before heading to 1OAK at around 11:00 PM to celebrate our better-than-expected bonuses this year (two of us are PE associates, and the other 2 are VPs at MM banks). So after waiting in line outside for a while, we finally make it inside over to the bar, and there she was. She had on a tight, black dress looking fine as hell; better than any photos I’d ever seen of her. I went up to her and fed her one of the typical pick-up lines, which led to talking about her previous relationship with Ryan Reynolds, and ultimately, what I do for a living.

Surprisingly, Scarlett knows quite a bit about the industry as her step-brother is an MBB consultant. After trying to explain to her I add social value in my high finnance role, she whispered something in my ear I won’t ever forget. “Is your fund short or long?” Now my first reaction was that the concept of Private Equity apparently didn’t quite click for her, but I played along anyway and told her we were value-based, but long-term and invested in a wide range of industries. The financial whiz giggled, and we went home, where my fund promptly transformed into a growth fund, and ultimately, an event-driven one.