I already have 3 patagucci vests (1 monogrammed, 2 vanilla) with my 1987 thinkpad coming in the mail, my JUUL is custom engraved with "SHORT VIX", and I have "Incoming Interviewer for Goldman Sachs Risk Management Division in New Jersey" on my LinkedIn Premium profile. What else can I do prove my dominance at my local college and leverage my superiority to network into a BB?
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Bro sick set up, but you're definitely going to need some sleds. They'll make you look like a true hardo at super days. They will also increase your hardo level by 300 basis points.
i came here to shit on people but this thread is funny. all lyall fucks can have plantains
SB haha
forreal though - good start to the thread ... I expected less
ahah you're funny
literally only refer to numbers in basis points.
Literally lol'd. + 1 SB for the bips
literally
+100 SB bps
"The company is trading at a 300 basis point revenue multiple to arrive at a 30 billion basis point value, in USD"
How do I know somebody like that from my school who wound up in consumer credit risk lmao
Work experience on LinkedIn: Options Trader @ Robinhood. -beat S&P 500 YTD returns by 50 fold in one trade
HAHHAHAHAHHAHHAHHAHHAHHA
Inspired by something I've seen on LinkedIn: Investment Banking Summer Analyst Candidate @ Goldman Sachs for 2020.
Typical due dilligence includes reading reddit threads and stocktwits
1) When a professor says something that you disagree with, begin your rebuttal with “well according to the industry professionals at wallstreetoasis.com....”
2) cc your classmates when you send networking emails so they know the type of BSDs you associate with
3) refer to your food budget as a seamless allowance
4) decorate your dorm room with posters if IB league tables
5) force yourself to become LGBT for the sole reason of gaining access to BB diversity initiatives
Better make those monk straps if you’re going for risk.
You gotta put your Summer 2020 gig on your LinkedIn, I shit you not the other day I saw:
"Incoming 2020 Investment Banking Summer Analyst at EB"
You know, so people don't confuse it for your internship this summer.
Dude I've seen sophomore accounting majors put their internship in big 4 audit for NEXT SUMMER on their linkedin
I shouldn't have to mention doing all your classwork on an HP-12C (gold, not platinum, and of course RPN only). Carry it around wherever you go and make a point to use it in everyday conversation, such as calculating your professor's mortgage payment against his publicly available salary and suggest he refinance. Value add.
This thread cured my hangover thank you all
No email replies with words over 3 letters: - pls - fix - thx
no eml rpl w/wds >3 ltr
4.0/4.0 and Valedictorian
Not joking.
Never ever wash your hands after using the seamless urinal device. People want to feel the real you.
About 1 min into any conversation, pause and stare at the other person shoes before shortly proceeding with the conversation. People love that kind of attention.
It is essential to maintain a semi hard on whenever you are speaking to decision makers, this will make them like you more.
It's considered impolite to not mention your new yoga experience with the whole office and how it can empower them.
If your perfume/cologne does not linger for about an hour since you left the elevator, you need to be a bit more generous with the spraying.
The cleaning staff partially took their jobs to hear your life advice, so don't be afraid to give it to them like the scum they are.
if you don't have the golden JUUL, chuck your current one and make the switch. automatic 500 basis point increase.
spit out my peanut butter. Thank you lmao
Instead of pissing in toilets, walk into a bathroom thats crowded with many of your peers and pee in one of those Dyson Airblade hand dryer things. The air should blow your urine on everyone.
Drive a 2006 BMW Z4
I'd probably try getting a tat of Martin Shkreli's smug face right on your left cheek.
Just talk about some interesting financial news that happened last week
Buy yourself a counterfeit Patek Philippe Nautilus and make sure it's always visible. The plebeians at your non-target won't be able to spot a fake.
Second this, can't tell how many times I spot kids wearing fake watches and still get complimented.
Say you're "basically like the Wolf of Wall Street".
Is it worth to see this film?
Yes
Buy a vintage HP 12-C bond calculator and learn just enough about how to calculate yields and prices the old school way so that you look sufficiently imperious. It's helpful if you walk around and say things like "never buy a bond with a negative yield to the call."
Make sure to be an incoming CFA level 1 candiadate
This is key.
Explain you went top down models and bottles with AJ at Cain.
Walk around with a brief case.
stay up all night to practice for IB
I did this before a GS IB interview and it went terribly lol.
.
Have you tried having some Where is Hardo prints in your dorm?
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