How to deal with inevitability of death while growing up
I am incoming at a top EB (EVR/CVP/PJT) and as a 22 year old, am really starting to get scared about losing loved ones around me as they inevitabily grow up and become closer to death. Accidents, natural causes, or anything else can take someone in a blink of an eye, and I am not sure if I am ready to deal with this. Is anyone ever ready to deal with death of loved ones?
To the older folks on this community, how did you, or do you, deal with death of loved ones?
Congrats on top EB
Indeed. My answer would’ve been a 180° difference if it was plebeian Harris Williams
It’s a joke :)
After my mom died of cancer when I was 5 years old, my dad would prepare my sister and I for his eventual death. He would say things like “when I die…” or “when I’m not around…”
This type of language and the context around why he was saying those things helped me prepare for my dad dying when I was 32 years old (basically 10 years ago).
Nowadays, I say similar things to my wife and kids. I think it helps people savor the time they have left with each other and take it less for granted.
You are young for thinking this way at age 22. And that’s a great sign of maturity.
Thank you for this, this was incredibly helpful
Eh my parents have done this for years too but in more a myopic 'we are just waiting to die and have nothing else going on' way, and it's always a bummer and IMO unhealthy
My grandfather passed two years ago, my dad three months ago, and my other grandfather last week.
You deal with it by remembering times you've spent with the person, making more memories with those still around, and hoping that when it's your time, people remember you fondly.
Sorry to hear that @CRE
OP - Tacking on to the last comment, I'd highly recommend taking an oral history / interview of your surviving grandparents if possible.
My grandpa is in his mid 90's and lives on the other side of the world. I used to go back and see him and the rest of my family just about every year before covid locked things down. Since then, it's been about 4 years since I was finally able to go back, and my greatest fear was him passing before I was finally able to see him again.
After finally returning this year and recording it, it provided so many more memories (a lifetime, you could say), lessons, and added deeper context behind many of my existing memories and knowledge of family history than I could have imagined going into it. People from that generation just somehow dealt with things that are magnitudes beyond anything I can currently comprehend.
Editing 7+ hours of footage will be no easy task, but I plan to make a 'documentary' of sorts for my family. It's easily one of the most memorable things I've done and I'll forever cherish the experience.
Personally, these three helped me: A) taking forensic classes during university (observing an autopsy and thinking about your own life puts various things into perspective. You’ll also learn to accept death the end for any road). B) reading certain books: “being and time” by Heidegger brought me to the autopsies (as I had some mental breakdown in certain chapters) but has shaped my thinking ever since. Absolutely recommend it. The other one is “mans search for meaning” by Frankl. Basically, it put things further into perspective and just underlined to have a purpose (whatever it may be for you) is one of the strongest motivations to keep going and care truly about loved ones. C) spending time & being conscious: I lost my grandparents (fathers side) while I was still a toddler, can’t really remember things, but the memories of the farm and stories of my father helped me. My grandfather mothers side died while I was about to finish high school (took a huge toll on me), but the months before his death I tried to be as aware and conscious as I can and going forward enjoy every minute of time with family and loved ones. They won’t be here forever (my mother now has cancer …) and neither will be me. But by being as present as I can and always remember they’re with me and still alive, so even a small gesture can help create a lasting memory for you and them for the time being and after.
This is a part of life that you have to find a way to deal with. In the past ten years members of my family/friends have passed away, it different when they are old but dying at 42, still hurts to this day.
Its some we all have to deal with.
If you live life as if you want to live it, you won't be scared of death. Fear of death only occurs when you are not leading the life you want to live.
Only people at lesser banks can have these feelings
The great dilemma of human existence - we're all going to die. The only true answer is growing in your faith; which may be difficult if you're anything like me at 22 (highly skeptical). I read every philosophy book under the sun including those mentioned in this thread and still felt a constant uneasiness, not unlike yourself. It's only when I got curious (or bored?) and started reading the bible (start with the New Testament) that I surprisingly find myself at peace with our inevitable ending. Not much of an organized church guy myself but spend a day during the week to reflect and get closer to God, it'll do wonders.
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