How to get rid of prestige obsession
My parents immigrated from China and like a lot of other immigrant families, I was raised in a household that put a huge weight on education. (not knocking my parents at all, they went through a ton of suffering and put in a lot of work to allow me to get to where I am today)
Growing up I was always told that I'd have to go to an Ivy League, MIT, etc. and I guess that idea just embedded itself so deep into my head. I ended up getting into some lower tier ivies and really good LACs but just couldn't afford them and turned them down for a shitty state school (thought I was gonna do premed)
By all other metrics my life is great. Signed at an awesome group for SA25, met an amazing group of friends through my fraternity, and have been having a shitton of fun at college, school is easy so I never have to go to class and can just travel. But every single time a doctor, family friend, etc. asks what school I go to I feel so much shame it's crazy. How do I fix this.
Would you rather be 200k more in debt to not feel that shame? You ended up in the same spot, saved a ton of money, and are loving life, well done.
If you were brilliant enough to be offered admission – why are you ashamed that you couldn't financially afford it? Probably some troll anyway
you sir are a pussy
del
Least obvious humblebrag
Get into private equity.
I transferred to a t10
Classes were significantly harder for my stem major, so that was not fun at all
I know smart people who've burned out just on coursework
Honestly, it's just a name man
We are social animals. Status or indicators of status are important to a degree even outside of practicality. However, given you made the practical choice, figure out how to respect yourself for that decision. You sound pretty young so this could be part of your journey of figuring out what’s really important to you and to what extent. No need to hide feelings of inadequacy but you need to face them and decide what they are trying to tell you.
I would try to consider what you will think about the school you attended when you are on your death bed. Probably won’t matter at all compared to the relationships and experiences you’ve had in your life. I’ve never heard someone say their biggest regret in life was not going to Yale lol
I mean this in the nicest way but no one will care where you went to school once you start your job (besides maybe having something in common to chit chat about). I suspect half these folks you're talking to are just making conversation since you are 'college aged' and that is the type of question to ask someone that age. Frankly some of the "shame" you're feeling could be rooted in egocentrism given you're worried these people you're talking to are sizing you up. They honestly probably don't care.
Someone else above mentioned this but you are likely way better off financially (not needing to take on debt) and are (hopefully) having a way more fun college experience at a state school than an Ivy League. Try to view it as the positive it is rather than the negative you perceive it to be.
Not joking, but I think speaking to a therapist would really help you with this. Things like this are imprinted in your brain and it’s hard to shake something so fundamental on your own.
While it's understandable to that way,
After you start your career, it is unlikely that your school will come up in discussion.
Those who go around mentioning their school (in the workplace), will often receive an eye-roll reaction from others. It doesn't really matter once you are hired, and in the workplace.
At that point, you are part of the same group as everyone else.
In banking, it is often presumed that everyone else is (also) a top achiever from a top school; and if you don't mention otherwise, they will not likely assume anything different/more/less.
Once you made it to your career, it is rarely discussed. In some cases, it almost might seem awkward to even mention a school name.
Just get through this time, and be a top performer in the workplace, and then school doesn't really matter at that point.
Good luck.
Literally no one cares. You are at a function and meet someone who went to an elite Ivy, or works in whatever job you deem prestigious. You think 'huh, thats nice', and move on without giving it a second thought.
Dont live your life trying to impress other people needlessly. Because you relly arent.
Agree with the thread above that once you start work, your alma mater only comes up socially. Nobody will look at you differently.
If it helps this may eventually comes back around as an accolade for you with certain audiences. If I meet someone who went Harvard => PE, my reaction is "yeah, that makes sense, they had every resource and did what they were expected to do." But if I meet someone who went from Directional State School => PE, my reaction is "wow, that person must actually be smart, and really had to hustle to get where they are"
Ngl bro everyone including myself stopped gaf where they went to school once we got our offers. If you're in a supposedly top group and are also prestige obsessed why tf do you even care about ivy leagues since you've surpassed 95% of them at your current stage.
Embrace it. Everyone's "journey" is different. Why would you be upset you did not go into debt?
As someone who grew up in immigrant family circles where parents were top 10% earners at least, I felt the constant pressure of trying to land prestigious job like many of them (medicine, tech, business). Over time, they all became less obsessed as they saw their kids work hard and struggle. Ran into a few of their children these past few years. Was honestly surprised how many of their kids were having mental health issues (ngl, I also had some mental health issues too for awhile ~5 years ago).
Over time, I realized my parents really just want me to be happy and didn't put any external pressure to take the prestigious jobs. I realized I externalized that from what I thought was expected of me. I had a pretty drastic career pivot that some family friends still think I made a mistake leaving but I don't care. I'm a lot happier now overall.
What was it like pivoting careers?
Honestly wasn't easy. Isolation helped get my head on straight. A lot of personal life issues popped up during this transition. Reached my career goal pivot and now transitioning post MBA that get me closer to my goals.
Getting interviews for roles that pay 6 figures now, I barely heard back from companies that paid over 50K when I initially pivoted.
EDIT: Big piece of advice - network hard! Seriously, career switches is all about who you know (in addition to buliding your skillset on your own time). I somehow landed an interview at a MM PE firm without IB experience this way during my 2nd year (250-300K comp). I have no pre-MBA finance expeirence. Didn't get passed the first round but was surprised to even get an interview invite.
You get rid of it by eventually going to a ‘non-prestigious’ firm / school at some point in your career and realizing that you can still make good money, do good work, and work with solid people, just like you can at lauded firms and schools. It might not happen immediately but very few people follow The Path 100% their entire career and you don’t need to. You can have a great career without going from Wharton to Goldman to Apollo etc.
i think on cycle recruiting once you hit the desk full time will help you find your sense of self worth
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