Life and career reflection
Warning: Nonsensical rambling to follow...
I've been thinking about my career and life progression lately, given the amount of time spent indoors in the current environment. I'm not sure if anyone else feels the same, but I've been feeling a bit lost. I'm sick of feeling like a hamster on the wheel, following the same path (currently in banking) as everyone else until I die.
Perhaps it's time to do something else rather than banking, perhaps its time to change careers completely? However, I'm afraid that it won't work out if I choose a completely different career and I'll end up a bum on the streets. I'm scared of taking huge risks now, I'm getting older and fixed costs are accruing (car, future house?). I've become complacent - parts of me are okay with earning a paycheck and having job security, but sometimes I feel miserable.
There is always the question of "what's next?". Making a dollar will never be enough, I'm always thinking about the next dollar, or the next purchase, or the next investment, or the next job.
My personal life seems to be going alright - I don't work many weekends anymore, I see friends often and my love life is not terrible.
Nevertheless it seems like there is a gaping hole in my heart that I don't know how to fill. I don't know how to be happy with what I have. I don't know where I want to end up in 5/10/15 years.
Any like-minded individuals out there?
You sound to be doing fine. Set goals. Get some hobbies for fun.
The question of what's next will remain until you die. It's funny you didn't mention what you actually want. How could you know whether you're lost if you don't know where you're going?
This is it x 10000. everyone is “lost” at some point, but if you think of it as a path to where you’re supposed to be going then it’ll never be a problem.
Simplify your thinking of life. The only reason we exist is to exist. We pick the reasons why we do what we do, and usually are heavily influenced by the household/environment we grow up in.
There is no hole in your heart to be filled. Just pick a few things you want to do in your free time, and do them. Example: "I want to travel the world one day." Your plan of attack is to book a vacation, visit two cities. "
Older sibling went through a similar dilemma and it caused mental health issues for them. Try some hobbies- a new sport, pick up an instrument, try learning a new language, whatever. It worked wonders for him and it might help you.
I've definitely gotten complacent a bit over the past few months and I think the whole WFH things has driven a lot of us to question how our lives are going. Personally, I keep myself sane by working out and having just a handful of hobbies that i'm really into. That seems to keep me focused on something and I view my career as simply enabling the other parts of my life that I enjoy. I also have no clue where I want to be in 5-10 years but things are going well so i'm going to stay on the current path.
I've gone through a decently long bout of introspection over the past year or two - started just before COVID. A few thoughts:
Notice the words you use to describe your life and situation. It's not 100%, but many times when i find myself using terms like 'alright' and 'not terrible' - it means I'm being passive towards it. For any number of reasons, but generally it means I've not committed to something and moving forward. My advice is whenever you start talking about things like that, really evaluate what you want out of them. As Isaiah said - set some goals. They can be small, easy to achieve, whatever. Gives you purpose and, importantly, keeps you moving forward. Last thought here - don't say 'nonsensical ramblings' when you start talking about your feelings. It undermines your own voice and, quite frankly, fuck anyone who makes you feel bad about expressing your feelings.
I discovered I am unable to be present. Similar to you - trying to look down the road, anticipate conversations, what's the next thing, what's this, what's going on over there - and it's fucking exhausting. Limit social media ASAP if you are on it - it's napalm for any insecurities or feelings. Take your headphones off if you wear them out in public. Limit multi tasking as much as you can. They all start moving you towards focusing on your immediate environment,
The simplest way to cure this - just start doing shit. Honestly, it's the best cure for anything. Get active. Get in over your head on something, maybe a new hobby. I've found that COVID is a really, really convenient excuse to make excuses. The whole world is fearful of it's own shadow - don't let that be you.
On the where you want to be in 15 years thing - I've basically realized I can point myself in a direction, with an idea of where i'm going, but who the hell knows where i'll be. If you had told me five years ago I'd be living in a major city, with a girlfriend I love dearly, a dog and a pretty good career where I'm at... I probably would have laughed myself out of the room. So... there's that. Sometimes we just have to let go, I guess.
^this
also, OP, it sounds like you're experiencing something more existential, I notice this with my friends who have "made it" in that they're getting paid, getting laid, don't have a ton of stress, but they still feel like something's missing. when your basic needs are taken care of, your mind starts shifting attention to higher needs (self actualization, purpose, whatever you want to call it), and there's no easy cure. I put some thoughts here, maybe they'll help: https://www.wallstreetoasis.com/forums/i-might-hate-finance-and-this-mi…
I'll expand on something Addinator said though about the longer term plan. I did this exercise when I was in my early 20s and have done so every 3-5 years. write out a narrative of what you want your life to look like in 5, 10, and 15y. I say a narrative because it will allow you to write more freely versus goal setting. it's caused me to address topics like do I want to go to graduate school, do I want to stay in my current city, do I want to have children, do I want to start my own business, what sort of lifestyle do I want, and so on.
in my case, I wasn't sure. I had this mushy idea of getting my CFA, working a couple more years in my city, and then moving to ER or the buyside, but then I moved to the 10 and 15y plans and I hit a wall. I then stumbled upon the most important two words of any soul searching exercise: THEN WHAT. I kept asking myself "then what?" and found out that this 'path" to success would still leave a hole, maybe a hole with more money, but still a hole. I'd be constantly climbing a corporate ladder and dealing with politics. in those moments I realized I wanted autonomy. I'd try the same thing if I were you, write out that narrative, and don't be afraid to edit it constantly. maybe you start off writing how in 10y you want to be married with kids and living in the suburbs, and then you start asking yourself "then what?" and you may erase that whole sentence, or you start pulling that thread and find that is truly a priority for you.
it also sounds to me like you're too wrapped up in external validation through material things. high fixed costs tie us down, so you should consider beginning to arrange your life in such a way that gives you more freedom to take risks. have enough money in cash/investments to carry you through for at least a year's worth of your current spend pattern. then, ask yourself what you really need and don't need, and begin purging.
on the being happy with what you have, you must come to the realization that material things are empty and will never give you happiness. the reason is because they are impermanent and there is an endless ladder of material things. someone will always make more money than you, have a nicer car than you, have nicer clothes than you, but no one can make you feel bad about those things unless you allow them to. I am not saying don't have nice things and live like an ascetic. I have a luxury car, some cool gadgets, and don't hesitate on dropping more money to stay in nice places when I travel. what I'm saying is the attachment to the "chase" or to the materials themselves is what's harmful.
many people feel this emptiness with material things because they are using them to patch holes in their "self" with which they are uncomfortable. how's your health? how are your relationships with family? maybe it's your career and not finding what makes your heart sing, or maybe it's something deeper, I don't know.
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