LMM London is Purgatory
Appraisal Day
The big day - the day you make up for your 46k base. The day you double your income and get the A bucket that you've consistently worked 80+ hours for.
You wake up as usual - reasonably well-rested - to a 2:30am message from your MD: "Financial model done? Tx" For a deal where you are the sole analyst and he is the sole MD. Although this was the first time he'd taken the liberty of even thinking about the model, you've in fact taken the initiative.
"Yes," you respond and carry on with your morning routine/commute.
As you shove women and men who do not have the capabilities of working in M&A out of the way and squeeze on the tube, you recieve a message from another managing director at the firm.
"Capacity?"
"Not at the moment - buried in Project X model - I think intern X is free," you smile and get "Snake.io" back up on your screen.
On your way into the "office," you look around. You see IBankers working on larger, complex deals on the brink of suicide, and the rest are only halfway through their commutes due to rising rent prices.
You smile. Ah - the lower middle market - where packaging shit into a neat little box and hurling it towards some of the largest companies in the world seems to mean you get to call yourself a success and also get 7.5 hours of sleep every night.
"Sure - I'll never get the Carlyle offer - but I don't want it! This is paradise!"
You reach the office - the intern's already there... how long has he been sitting there for? You hope he hasn't messed anything up since he's been given access to the shared drive.
"Excited for appraisals, mate?"
"Erm..yeah - should be alright."
You sit at your desk and pretend to be busy - praying the intern doesn't come over asking questions.
You open up your model - perfectly crafted, formatted, and balanced. Wait a minute. Why are all the numbers wrong? Why are there 7 empty rows in the middle? Your phone buzzes. "MD."
"Hi - how are you?"
"Can you get the model up? I have some questions."
"Cell E35- revenues. Why is it negative?"
"So, as the client explained yesterday..."
"I don't care - this needs to be before the 10am meeting."
Your MD hangs up. You feel anxious about the mess your MD has created on the model and how his ego will react when you tell him the meeting is actually tomorrow.
You shut your eyes and try to relax.
"Hey - I have a question - why is a strategic buyer better than PE?"
You feel a sudden surge of rage. But calm yourself down - you are NOT your MDs and you will NOT become them, you tell yourself.
"A bit busy now, can you ask me later please?"
"Ok- is it ok if I just watch you to learn?"
You ignore the intern's request and start double-checking the model.
Your phone buzzes - the firm has just won a 14 million EBITDA deal in Wyoming, USA. They want everything ready ASAP, and your MDs have promised all materials will be done in the next month.
"Maybe I AM the suicidal guy on the tube," you think to yourself.
You look over at the other analyst. He's unsuccessfully explaining why he was late to his MD. "There were strikes... I... no... I've only been late once before."
Appraisal day - not a good day for it, you think.
Oh well - as long as you get that 110% bonus, nothing else will matter. You scroll some more on the Harrods watches website after sorting price from lowest to highest before getting up to have a shit before the appraisal.
You finish up and walk towards the meeting room. Your MD starts yet another nonsensical discussion about the ideal straw size as he sips on his iced matcha latte from the boutique café outside his apartment in Holland Park.
"So - shall we get started?" You say as you get your yearly objectives up on your screen.
"Err, yeah sure."
"So - you are exceeding expectations- you are pretty much an A/B across the board. Well done."
You half-listen on - knowing that this is the first time he has given your performance any real thought.
"So to conclude - your financial modeling is at an A/B... ermm hang on..."
"Whew that was close - a B for modeling?! Absolutely not."
You wonder why he has paused for so long.
"Hmmm.. yeah so... your financial modelling is at a B minus level currently". (In other words " what is the maximum score I can give you without you getting an A?"
You stare in disbelief. The realisation sets in. You are now 15,000 poorer. Your total comp is now barely 80 thousand GBP. Of course they fucked you over. You weren't stupid enough to think you would actually get your entire bonus did you ?
You sit back down at your desk and search for the "Snake.io" again.
Your colleague jumps into the room. "I got an A ! "
Maybe it IS me you think. Its clearly possible to get an A...
"Joking - I got a B "
You can't help but t laugh. You are becoming more and more like Arthur from "the Joker" every day.
It's now 4pm and you have been pretending to work for the last 2 hours.
"Coffee break?" Says your colleague.
You start packing your bags
"Yeah sure I'll go straight home after "
"Yeah..same "
You both stand on the street under the gloomy skies on London.
"Well - it was expected mate"
"Yeah"
The Lower Middle Market. High enough comp to stay , not enough to demand 100 hour work weeks. Freedom to do as you wish but be at the mercy of a single ex- GS MD. Unrivalled deal experience but your deal is a 15m EBITDA businesses in Wyoming.
The lower middle market - not quite paradise but not quite hell either.
Based on the highest ranked content on WSO, it seems like the experience in the Lower Middle Market (LMM) in London can be quite a mixed bag. Here's a detailed breakdown of the scenario described:
Appraisal Day Expectations: The anticipation for appraisal day is high, as it's the time when hard work is expected to pay off financially.
Early Morning Interruptions: The day starts with an early message from the MD checking on the financial model, indicating a high-pressure environment where work-life boundaries are often blurred.
Commute Observations: The journey to work involves navigating through crowded public transport, reflecting on the competitive nature of the industry and the varying levels of stress among professionals.
Office Dynamics: Upon arrival, there's a sense of hierarchy and urgency, with interns present early and managing directors demanding updates.
Modeling Mishaps: There's a discovery of errors in the financial model, likely caused by the MD's last-minute changes, creating additional stress and work.
Interactions with Colleagues: The protagonist tries to maintain composure when dealing with an inquisitive intern, showing the strain of multitasking under pressure.
New Deal Pressure: News of a new deal win adds to the workload, with expectations for quick turnaround on deliverables.
Appraisal Outcome: The appraisal reveals a lower-than-expected performance rating, leading to a significant financial disappointment and a sense of betrayal.
Colleague Solidarity: There's a moment of camaraderie with a colleague over the shared experience of the appraisal outcomes.
Reflection on LMM: The narrative concludes with a contemplation of the LMM experience – it offers a balance between compensation and work-life, but also comes with its own unique challenges and limitations.
This anecdote encapsulates the highs and lows of working in the LMM in London, highlighting the complexity of navigating career expectations, financial rewards, and personal well-being in the competitive world of finance.
Sources: Hardo Hot Take: Middle-Market Investment Banking is Not Prestigious or "High-Finance", Mid-Market PE Valuations: Where Up is Down, Please help me understand PE recruiting in the lower middle market., How to tell the prestige of LMM or MM PE firms?, Lower Middle Market Private Equity is Paradise
boring post bro lol
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