So I've had this hunch for a while and wanted to get others thoughts. Before you think I'm crazy and sleep deprived just look at the evidence I am about to bestow upon you all.
Over the past year I've been growing suspicious that my MD is a vampire... There are several reasons that have begun to bring me to this conclusion, which I have included, below:
(i) I have never seen him sleep and his email correspondence does not leave gaps in which one could conclude that he sleeps (e.g. emails all day with no major gaps in correspondence
(ii) I've noticed a direct correlation that the more well rested the junior bankers are the more his skin has a slightly grey-ish tone to it (e.g. could he be sustaining his immortality on our suffering? Just proposing the question here...)
(iii) I have never seen him walk past a mirror nor do we have any in the office, which seems odd no?
(iv) He was a major banker (think head of IB at elite boutique) and had over 30 yrs of experience and MBA but looks as if he is late 30s. Yet no look of any cosmetic procedures having been completed. Couple with the fact that there are never doctor appointments this portends to an almost ageless effect of the stressful nature of the job which seems dubious at best.
(v) He will consistently wear sunglasses outside even if it is not sunny. Anecdotally, he seems to heavily prefer the indoors.
Now I have no evidence for this, but I believe he could have a blood boy...
In light of these finds, I have bought garlic pills to begin taking, but I'm not sure if I should also keep some in my desk to avoid Friday evening fire drills...
Thoughts?
#1 top discussion of 2018
Report your suspicions to HR. They should be alerted.
I'm concerned about potential retaliation... I'll report back on if the garlic is an effective deterrent. I'm also thinking about bringing a cross to my desk as well, unsure if a metal one will suffice so I'm checking online for wooden variations...
What ethnicity is he?
I'm uncertain, though he could possibly be of jewish origin.
Probably Romanian
1
You're a creature of the night, Michael. Just like out of a comic book. You're a vampire, Michael! My own MD, a goddamn shit-sucking vampire! You wait 'til Mom finds out, buddy!
it's called cocaine you moron
He'd look older, not younger
perhaps he lives on the blood of his enemies. That, and the misery of underlings.
You just made my day.
Just remember you're safe in your cube as long as you don't invite him in. Would also recommend having your smartwater blessed by a priest, and sharpening a few "extra pencils" just in case. Godspeed babyygotwacc
Ask him to bite you. You're already his thrall anyway, and 80+ hour weeks won't seem so bad when you're immortal.
What, and take away his one guaranteed release from servitude?
So this happened
Vampires are from royal family, that’s why they can bring deals, your boss being the head is self-explanatory. Respect the minority
Call Wesley Snipes.
Based solely on this post and your handle, your talents are wasted in banking — go get the WSJ to sponsor you as a columnist à la Matt Levine
Dude, you're going to start taking garlic pills, and risk your bonus?!
Just love this thread. Basically sums up my office mood.
Try killing a bat and leaving it on his desk. If he freaks out, he is definitely a vampire.
They should make a True Blood series about this. HBO would love it.
(iii) I have never seen him walk past a mirror nor do we have any in the office, which seems odd no?
Have you followed him to the bathroom?
What took you so long? The D in MD obviously stands for Dracula.
Mr. Dracula?
Starts earlier than that:
VP = Vampire Pledge MD = Master Dracula
hahahaha
omg is he is a real vampire ?? :0 :0
Your MD is a Vampire? Short the VIX.
Love Nightmare before Christmas lol
Regarding the sunglasses... should I assume that 'normal' (cough) people view me as a vampire too?
Also, I need not be a vampire to freak out when I sense garlic in the office.
Cool stuff
Best check if he has any foe went missing...those vampire fang could come really handy in banking...
btw are you in a french bank? the "no?" used in interrogative sentence give me this feeling. A french vampire MD, Oh la la...
.
Slide a vial of your blood under his door. Check the next morning. If it has been returned empty, you have your answer.
Also check if the late-night office cleaning crew has had people go missing.
Iste expedita asperiores ad aut. Quia enim non repellendus veritatis. Occaecati minus ipsam quisquam itaque harum ut. Commodi ratione quas expedita est sint soluta est.
Illo sunt veniam animi sit est id. Quia cum enim quos et est ullam. Consequuntur perferendis cum maiores placeat in.
Et minus quas exercitationem odio doloribus. Amet quo dolorum natus ipsa. Ut sit sit repellendus ut et est et. Perferendis eum dicta reprehenderit eum cumque quidem rerum. Quisquam consequatur vel commodi iure veniam quam excepturi fuga.
See All Comments - 100% Free
WSO depends on everyone being able to pitch in when they know something. Unlock with your email and get bonus: 6 financial modeling lessons free ($199 value)
or Unlock with your social account...
Modi debitis ratione consequatur laboriosam. Non odit laudantium quis suscipit non eaque omnis. Sit facilis fugit et alias rerum perferendis dolor. Vel sed et minus facere saepe odit. Magnam eos explicabo dignissimos dolor.
Laboriosam quisquam odit voluptas sed. Deleniti quod quas atque sit.
Omnis officia consequatur itaque consequuntur labore quo. Veniam nisi nulla ipsum beatae illo aliquam. Minus eos accusantium minima expedita corporis doloribus ipsum. Deleniti in sint quod et amet. Laborum beatae ducimus aliquid id. Enim alias quis voluptatem doloremque expedita repellat repellendus.
Odio perferendis omnis dolorem reprehenderit iusto. Ducimus ut qui et similique. Perspiciatis suscipit non pariatur animi at. Vitae reiciendis officia qui quam et.