MD never sleeps (growing suspicious)

So I've had this hunch for a while and wanted to get others thoughts. Before you think I'm crazy and sleep deprived just look at the evidence I am about to bestow upon you all.

Over the past year I've been growing suspicious that my MD is a vampire... There are several reasons that have begun to bring me to this conclusion, which I have included, below:

(i) I have never seen him sleep and his email correspondence does not leave gaps in which one could conclude that he sleeps (e.g. emails all day with no major gaps in correspondence

(ii) I've noticed a direct correlation that the more well rested the junior bankers are the more his skin has a slightly grey-ish tone to it (e.g. could he be sustaining his immortality on our suffering? Just proposing the question here...)

(iii) I have never seen him walk past a mirror nor do we have any in the office, which seems odd no?

(iv) He was a major banker (think head of IB at elite boutique) and had over 30 yrs of experience and MBA but looks as if he is late 30s. Yet no look of any cosmetic procedures having been completed. Couple with the fact that there are never doctor appointments this portends to an almost ageless effect of the stressful nature of the job which seems dubious at best.

(v) He will consistently wear sunglasses outside even if it is not sunny. Anecdotally, he seems to heavily prefer the indoors.

Now I have no evidence for this, but I believe he could have a blood boy...

In light of these finds, I have bought garlic pills to begin taking, but I'm not sure if I should also keep some in my desk to avoid Friday evening fire drills...

Thoughts?

#1 top discussion of 2018

 

You're a creature of the night, Michael. Just like out of a comic book. You're a vampire, Michael! My own MD, a goddamn shit-sucking vampire! You wait 'til Mom finds out, buddy!

 
babyygotwacc:
So I've had this hunch for a while and wanted to get others thoughts. Before you think I'm crazy and sleep deprived just look at the evidence I am about to bestow upon you all.

Over the past year I've been growing suspicious that my MD is a vampire... There are several reasons that have begun to bring me to this conclusion, which I have included, below:

(i) I have never seen him sleep and his email correspondence does not leave gaps in which one could conclude that he sleeps (e.g. emails all day with no major gaps in correspondence (ii) I've noticed a direct correlation that the more well rested the junior bankers are the more his skin has a slightly grey-ish tone to it (e.g. could he be sustaining his immortality on our suffering? Just proposing the question here...) (iii) I have never seen him walk past a mirror nor do we have any in the office, which seems odd no? (iv) He was a major banker (think head of IB at elite boutique) and had over 30 yrs of experience and MBA but looks as if he is late 30s. Yet no look of any cosmetic procedures having been completed. Couple with the fact that there are never doctor appointments this portends to an almost ageless effect of the stressful nature of the job which seems dubious at best. (v) He will consistently wear sunglasses outside even if it is not sunny. Anecdotally, he seems to heavily prefer the indoors.

Now I have no evidence for this, but I believe he could have a blood boy...

In light of these finds, I have bought garlic pills to begin taking, but I'm not sure if I should also keep some in my desk to avoid Friday evening fire drills...

Thoughts?

Call Wesley Snipes.

 

Based solely on this post and your handle, your talents are wasted in banking — go get the WSJ to sponsor you as a columnist à la Matt Levine

Life's is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
 

They should make a True Blood series about this. HBO would love it.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee
 

(iii) I have never seen him walk past a mirror nor do we have any in the office, which seems odd no?

Have you followed him to the bathroom?

 

Slide a vial of your blood under his door. Check the next morning. If it has been returned empty, you have your answer.

Also check if the late-night office cleaning crew has had people go missing.

"Work ethic, work ethic" - Vince Vaughn
 

Quaerat ut itaque a illum et autem. Autem maiores sed ea animi. Ullam quo aut aut illo molestiae molestiae et. Sequi vel omnis velit qui. Sequi omnis dolorem nihil incidunt fugiat eos ipsam. Molestiae itaque voluptatem impedit voluptas sed. Consequatur eum rerum nulla vel earum commodi libero.

Debitis vitae et iusto. Vel temporibus quia expedita. Vitae modi maxime eum aut ut.

 

Voluptas aut vel adipisci similique voluptatibus pariatur quo. Odio officiis ut reiciendis quis est a odio. Rerum enim corrupti aperiam dolor cum.

Eaque et possimus voluptas numquam ad aut. Rerum temporibus ut reprehenderit aut. Cum maiores id asperiores iste nesciunt enim inventore.

Career Advancement Opportunities

May 2024 Investment Banking

  • Jefferies & Company 02 99.4%
  • Perella Weinberg Partners New 98.9%
  • Lazard Freres 01 98.3%
  • Harris Williams & Co. 24 97.7%
  • Goldman Sachs 16 97.1%

Overall Employee Satisfaction

May 2024 Investment Banking

  • Harris Williams & Co. 18 99.4%
  • JPMorgan Chase 10 98.9%
  • Lazard Freres 05 98.3%
  • Morgan Stanley 05 97.7%
  • Perella Weinberg Partners New 97.1%

Professional Growth Opportunities

May 2024 Investment Banking

  • Lazard Freres 01 99.4%
  • Jefferies & Company 02 98.9%
  • Perella Weinberg Partners 18 98.3%
  • Goldman Sachs 16 97.7%
  • Moelis & Company 06 97.1%

Total Avg Compensation

May 2024 Investment Banking

  • Director/MD (5) $648
  • Vice President (21) $373
  • Associates (91) $259
  • 3rd+ Year Analyst (14) $181
  • Intern/Summer Associate (33) $170
  • 2nd Year Analyst (68) $168
  • 1st Year Analyst (205) $159
  • Intern/Summer Analyst (148) $101
notes
16 IB Interviews Notes

“... there’s no excuse to not take advantage of the resources out there available to you. Best value for your $ are the...”

Leaderboard

1
redever's picture
redever
99.2
2
Secyh62's picture
Secyh62
99.0
3
Betsy Massar's picture
Betsy Massar
99.0
4
BankonBanking's picture
BankonBanking
99.0
5
dosk17's picture
dosk17
98.9
6
kanon's picture
kanon
98.9
7
GameTheory's picture
GameTheory
98.9
8
CompBanker's picture
CompBanker
98.9
9
bolo up's picture
bolo up
98.8
10
Linda Abraham's picture
Linda Abraham
98.8
success
From 10 rejections to 1 dream investment banking internship

“... I believe it was the single biggest reason why I ended up with an offer...”