My job has ruined my relationship

After 7 months working as an Investment Banking Analyst at an EB in London, my GF and I decided to put an end to our 4 years relationship. I've been dating this girl since my first year in college, and I really envisioned a very serious future with her, I was considering proposing once I got promoted to associate. 

However, all the stress, the long nights, the last-minute assignments, the hundreds of "pls fix", and the constantly canceled plans were too much for our relationship. She has always been very patient, and very supportive of my career ambitions, but my job absorbed me to a point in which I couldn't give her the minimum attention and care any girlfriend deserves. 

I am currently having the career I always dreamed about, and the one for which I worked so hard. I work for my dream company, in the dream division, and I am making more money than both my parents combined, however after ending this relationship I feel more lonely and more empty than ever, and I am starting to wonder if all this makes any sense. 

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Comments (34)

Feb 27, 2022 - 3:38pm
Sequoia, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Once you got promoted to Associate? So basically there was no end in sight for either of you or her

Sorry to hear this man. My two cents, the most important thing in your life (if you want to maximize LT contentment) is your family & friends (gf included obv). Nothing, including a dream career is worth sacrificing that for. There are many other jobs you can do, even within finance, with much less demanding hours, great pay, and good work life balance. Better you discover this now than in 20yrs being filled with regret

I'm in my mid-20s and work in AM probably 45-50hrs per week. At some point this might stretch to 60 for a few years when I become an analyst -- but again after a few years I'll definitely make sure it normalizes to ~50hrs (55 tops but I'm sort of balking at even that)

Feb 27, 2022 - 3:41pm
Isaiah_53_5 💎🙌💎🙌💎, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Maybe you should have proposed to her before you started. At least now you are free to work as much as you want. 

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

  • 8
Feb 27, 2022 - 4:11pm
WolfofWSO, what's your opinion? Comment below:

PaulAllen'sCorpse

After 7 months working as an Investment Banking Analyst at an EB in London, my GF and I decided to put an end to our 4 years relationship. I've been dating this girl since my first year in college, and I really envisioned a very serious future with her, I was considering proposing once I got promoted to associate. 

However, all the stress, the long nights, the last-minute assignments, the hundreds of "pls fix", and the constantly canceled plans were too much for our relationship. She has always been very patient, and very supportive of my career ambitions, but my job absorbed me to a point in which I couldn't give her the minimum attention and care any girlfriend deserves. 

I am currently having the career I always dreamed about, and the one for which I worked so hard. I work for my dream company, in the dream division, and I am making more money than both my parents combined, however after ending this relationship I feel more lonely and more empty than ever, and I am starting to wonder if all this makes any sense. 

Never happened.

Array

  • 4
Controversial
Feb 27, 2022 - 5:08pm
Smoke Frog, what's your opinion? Comment below:

High school and college romances never work out. People change so much as they grow and mature in their twenties, that it's highly unlikely these relationships work out. So unless you're a chubbs or ugly and your gf was way out of your league, I wouldn't feel too bad.

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Apr 4, 2022 - 10:11am
WalMartShopper, what's your opinion? Comment below:
Smoke Frog

High school and college romances never work out. People change so much as they grow and mature in their twenties, that it's highly unlikely these relationships work out. So unless you're a chubbs or ugly and your gf was way out of your league, I wouldn't feel too bad.

Truth hurts

If the glove don't fit, you must acquit!
  • 2
Feb 27, 2022 - 5:52pm
PrivateTechquity 🚀GME🚀, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Think of all the models & bottles you get to spend your time with now bro!

In all seriousness, I also had a college relationship that crapped the bed 7 months into FT (+ long-distance). You'll be fine. 

Array

Feb 27, 2022 - 6:01pm
jackdonaghy26, what's your opinion? Comment below:

If it is any consolation, have seen multiple friends' long-term relationships end their first year out of college and none of them were in IB/M&A law/consulting. Its fairly natural when shifting from college life to work life even without the rigors of IB.

That being said, am a 2nd year analyst and can relate to the lack of control in your life, I think what is important to note is that the demands don't lesssen as you move up the ranks. IB/PE Associates usually work as long as analysts, VPs/Principals have more control but nevertheless working at least 9am-10pm, and MDs / Partners are still sending emails in the wee hours or constantly traveling. If she wasn't ok with your life now, there is a slim chance she would have been fine with it in the future.

Array
  • 2
Feb 27, 2022 - 9:14pm
iridescent007, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Maybe you've heard of this Y Combinator guy called Paul Graham. He wrote this:

If a job is just great, many people would want to take it because they love it, even if the starting pay is low. 

If a job fucking sucks, the employer needs to attract people with fake prestige, a high starting salary, and this illusion that you are on the way to achieve something great. Without money and prestige, nobody would take this kind of job. 

I wonder which category investment banking falls into. 

Feb 27, 2022 - 10:10pm
rugby16, what's your opinion? Comment below:

tell a job that is in the first category

  • 1
Feb 27, 2022 - 11:36pm
CHItizen, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Teaching, public defendering/social work, POTUS 

Apr 3, 2022 - 4:51pm
Pulisic69, what's your opinion? Comment below:

I'd say a "prestigious" job would be a CIA officer.  Who the hell outside of IB thinks it's prestigious?  Only reason I'm doing it is because I have a basic interest in business/finance and I want to support my family.

Feb 28, 2022 - 12:16am
bruhchain, what's your opinion? Comment below:

same except this no longer is my dream career and i hate my job lol, i would exit and leave the first chance i get

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Mar 1, 2022 - 1:30am
Anonymous Monkey, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Most girls don't understand or respect a real grind and they end up either taking offense to it or the ones who at least understand it but can't deal with it will leave. I think you just need to stay single for a while until your hours get better or you find someone who is okay to stay at home and wait for you. Or better yet you could find another girl who also works long hours and naturally she will respect your schedule. But tbh most girls won't understand the grind so it's just part of the game. It's better to just hookup when you're younger. If you really want a girl to settle down with now, I would suggest to look for international girls as they usually are more traditional and will be more than happy to be a stay at home girlfriend and not complain that you don't take her out enough. Just speaking from my experience 

Mar 2, 2022 - 6:58am
My Name is Jeff, what's your opinion? Comment below:

I decided to sacrifice my MF PE job for my relationship. Worked out well, and more importantly, saved me from near death because a routine check suggested by my now-fiancée revealed a host of medical issues that were a direct result of my really shitty WLB.

Sometimes those hours are not worth it. And now (family office) I make more than any of my former peers, or what I could have at my old job. Especially when you consider the fact that in some cases, there really is a ceiling for how far you can progress professionally.

GoldenCinderblock: "I keep spending all my money on exotic fish so my armor sucks. Is it possible to romance multiple females? I got with the blue chick so far but I am also interested in the electronic chick and the face mask chick."
  • 5
Mar 4, 2022 - 3:47pm
My Name is Jeff, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Older than you, more than you ;)

GoldenCinderblock: "I keep spending all my money on exotic fish so my armor sucks. Is it possible to romance multiple females? I got with the blue chick so far but I am also interested in the electronic chick and the face mask chick."
  • 2
Mar 4, 2022 - 3:55pm
Sequoia, what's your opinion? Comment below:

What do you now at the family office? Public equities, PE, VC, RE, etc? 

I'm very interested in working for a family office on the public equity side (direct investing, not manager selection). Any suggestions / tips?

Mar 3, 2022 - 6:08pm
2rigged2fail, what's your opinion? Comment below:

dude be prepared for more disappointment. 

  • 1
Most Helpful
Mar 4, 2022 - 3:00am
Teller in Branch - Personal Loans, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Reminds me of good old analyst days when gf and I constantly fought over my lack of availability. Broke up, still loved each other. Both quit to travel together after a shaky rekindling. Then cemented the relationship in the time we took off. Picked a city to live. Found careers that "work" for our daily lives…jumped around took a while. Eventually managed to get married with the same one and popped out a few juniors. Now, that's 10+ years of hard work - not just on career but on everything, especially the personal stuff. Might seem like the end of the world to you (it did to me), but hang in there man. It's hard, it's shit, but have some faith. Not talking about religion here - just faith in yourself perhaps, that it will work, one way or another. Just picture whatever happiness looks like to you. Maybe it's a house with white picket fence with your girl and a few kids. Maybe it's you in a private jet with a dancing pole in the middle with fine company. Whatever it is, you can still get there from where you are now. Now time to draw a map when you're ready… Besides, what the hell is life anyway if you never get kicked down. Never wishing that upon anyone but there is always hope to stand up again.

VP
  • 17
Apr 4, 2022 - 10:10am
WalMartShopper, what's your opinion? Comment below:

You'll lose money chasing women, but you'll never lose women chasing money.

If the glove don't fit, you must acquit!
  • 3
Apr 25, 2022 - 10:27am
IncomingIBDreject, what's your opinion? Comment below:

This is deep

Array

Apr 4, 2022 - 12:48pm
DisgruntledAppraiser, what's your opinion? Comment below:

To the OP - your title for this thread actually tells you what you need to know. Your job has nothing to do with your relationship. The two (?) people in the relationship ultimately are the two factors who determine its outcome. 

But, a break up isn't necessarily a bad thing. I thought my first job was responsible for my relationship at the time ending due to me being away for 8-9 months a year and then a few years later it turned out there were other factors involved. Factors who go by the names of Dave and Andrew. But, point being was the "perfect" relationship wasn't as solid as I thought it was. Definitely not saying my situation was the same, but there's truth to the saying that if it's meant to work, you will both make it work. 

And - none of this means the relationship was a failure. It worked for you guys until it didn't. Learn from it and keep on living. 

Apr 4, 2022 - 12:59pm
Pizz, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Your problem is that you're depending on your GF/SO for your happiness. You should be happy regardless if you have a GF/SO or not. Otherwise, I recommend seeing a therapist to see why you're unhappy in life in general (maybe it's your job, lack of hobbies/interests, etc.?)

Apr 20, 2022 - 2:32pm
Financegirl1991, what's your opinion? Comment below:

I am sorry to hear that.

but from a girl's prospective, why didn't you propose ? waiting till you become an associate ?

meh big meh ! you are young still you will find many other girls who will be only interested in your money now !

Apr 23, 2022 - 4:38am
CollierV, what's your opinion? Comment below:

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Apr 25, 2022 - 9:53am
money.monkey, what's your opinion? Comment below:

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