Need advice - Senior year of college feels depressing
Currently a senior in college, accepted my FT return offer next fall in NYC. Despite what should've been a happy and joyous year, I feel completely out of place right now. I could really use some advice.
College just feels like an adult pre-school that reeks of immaturity and superficiality. Coming from a party school in FL, there's no structure or meaning or purpose here. Everyone just cares about drinking and partying. But the second I ditch that stuff to focus on myself, I'm left with no friends and feel like I'm truly alone in life.
I feel really conflicted, because the key message from everyone (and on this site, too) is "Enjoy the freedom of senior year, fuck around, get drunk, get laid, skip class, and party since you'll never get this freedom again". But when I think back to the times I've felt happiest in life, none of those things ever made the list. It's always been times when I've worked to improve myself - networking calls, working out, reading a book, or grinding my summer internship.
The dating scene also sucks here, because no girls actually care about intellect or personality or hobbies. It's all about looks, and your parents' money. Girls here don't even talk to you if you don't own a nice boat or aren't in a top-ranked fraternity.
I'm in desperate need of some advice from post-college grads. Is it really OK to not "enjoy" my senior year in the traditional way (partying, drinking, meeting girls, etc.), and instead focus on the non-superficial things that make me happy? Even if I lose touch with friends?
I really want to study for the CFA Level 1, join my buddy's startup, and start reading more books. But feel like I'll be missing out from what everyone else says is the "fun" in senior year - partying, drinking, and all in between.
What were some of the biggest regrets / wishes from your Senior year of college?
Following. Relatable.
Sounds like you already want to work at your friend's startup and do something interesting but you're peer pressured by this board or your buddies to drink booze and fuck sluts. You won't be able to do anything cool like that once you start a 9-to-5 so do it while it lasts. Also, maybe you could do research or take some classes that interested you that you never had time to take.
Do what you want, it's the last chance you'll have to do so. It doesn't really matter what someone else's definition of fun is.
When I tell people to go out, drink, fuck, and go nuts - that is fun for me. If fun for you is helping your buddy on a startup and reading, that's totally cool.
NO ONE has fun studying for the CFA exam though, so don't do that.
Enjoy the year, don't spiral into depression right before you get your teeth kicked in for the next 50 years.
working out, reading a book, sure I get it but don’t necessarily agree
networking calls and grinding out your summer internship made you happy? Phew, to each their own.
I have no advice, as this is bizarre as fuck if I’m being honest
Fair enough, that's what makes the world go 'round.
I had a really interesting desk on S&T (very research-driven) and a really supportive culture with good people. Maybe that's just me, but I enjoyed the thrill of learning something new every day and learning from interesting people with decades more life experience than me
Your comments ring true to me, and, unfortunately, this is exactly how I felt throughout my four years in a top-ranked undergraduate business program. I don't know if the behavior is attributable to feelings of disallusionment, despair, the "who-cares-ghost-you" phenomenon that is the social norm today, or just growing pains that comes with young-adulthood. I don't know about you, but I saw it in my dorm experience ("don't bother me"--every door in the hallway closed), the ruthless and humiliating club recruitment process, and in many other places. There's a reason why on-campus mental resources are strained.
How to deal with it?
Be the person you want to become. Put on a (healthy) set of blinders, ignore the riff-raff, and focus on being the person you want to be. Do it now. Look beyond your current and temporary school environment as a lighthouse to help you. This might be summer foreign travel to experience other cultures, reading biographies, watching classic movies, taking up photography, or reading religious texts. Practice, and don't worry about making mistakes that expose the vulnerability that is in all of us.
Be the head and not the tail. From the bible, strive to be your best. Lead. Model behavior you admire. One or two or three people will eventually notice this, now, while you are in school, or later in life, and you will be a magnet for those that do. They will eventually become your most-valued relationships. Your personal life and professional life will benefit by you being the head, not the tail. You will leave a legacy for your children and they will remember you long after you are gone.
The reason that people on here encourage seniors to enjoy their senior year is just personal experience bc those that didn’t (aka me) sincerely regretted not spending more time relaxing/having fun during it - as soon as you start work you’ll realise that everything’s serious and boring and stressful all the time and will be for the foreseeable next few years. Self improvement is fun and all in small doses, but when you’re in IB and surrounded by obsessive perfectionists looking to optimise every area of their lives the shine quickly wears off.
Honestly if you’ve been at your happiest when networking or grinding for an internship you’re probably a hardo and should simply disregard all opinions regarding having fun.
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Which uni u’re attending ? USF, UF, or UCF
"Comparison is the thief of joy"
Live by that shit. Theres no reason to think of others definitions of happiness and compare it to your own. A lot of my friends find happiness in vastly different things than me. But I know that as soon as I start comparing myself to them, things never turn out good.
If what makes you happy is joining your Buddys startup, doing the CFA, and reading more books than fucking do those things. Maybe try to add more interests and branch out as you see fit, but I would never deprive yourself from doing things that you find happiness in simply because other people are doing different things
Lol don't waste your time pursuing women before at least 25, they are all unbelievably superficial at that age and are NOT looking for any sort of long-term prospects. Just look at any college campus and you'll see the same tik-tok looking dude surrounded by at least 3 different girls.
I was the same way as you were (had a great social life, but was done with the scene and ready to move on) and lots of other seniors felt the same way.
Guess what though, 6 months into your amazing IB job that you worked so hard for, you realize it takes up your entire life and start to pine for the freedom you used to have.
My concrete advice - arrange your spring schedule in a way that allows you some freedom (minimal classes, no Thurs/Fri classes) and do something with it. Join the start up part time. Don't do the CFA, huge waste of time unless you're in AM. Go out on the weekends with your friends, you will miss that part. But don't tie your identity just into being a banker, find other things you enjoy during this time.
PM me! I am a junior at college that only has friends that enjoy partying. I am a 21 year old woman who stays at home most of the time, it would be awesome to create a book club/chat with someone who is not only interested in getting drunk.
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