Relationship Struggles & MBA

It seems to me that you are, in writing, aware of the fact that few relationships survive an MBA. While you have correctly identified this in letter, I don't think you've internalized it in spirit. This is the first step to figuring out how to move forward.

Imagine you start a program with a bunch of awesome and novel new people. It's a time of adventure, exploration, and excitement. Everyone around you is "trying new things" so to speak, and you'd feel left out if you didn't. It's like a 2 year vacation and we all know what vacation does to the mind... it creates certain mindsets... influences people to act in ways they otherwise wouldn't. It's a dreamy haze, your feelings and desires hit you faster than you think, people end up making bad decisions.

This might be harsh but I'm going to keep it 100 with u. I think anyone who is both 1) aware of this MBA dynamic and 2) in a stable and loving relationship that they would like to continue would have never chosen to apply for an MBA in the first place. I mean you can plead ignorance but I wouldn't buy it. Everyone knows the MBA is 2 years of partying + vacation + spouse-finding ("networking"). I've known people who have forgone doing an MBA because they were committed to their spouses and knew very well what the MBA would mean for their relationship. By and large, the only types of relationships I've seen survive the MBA is the "married with kids" type of situation, where they end up largely withdrawing from MBA social life anyways (to take care of the kids), and often the spouses are present on-campus so that they're not doing long distance.

Wish I could be of more help but I think the first step is you need to truly internalize what's going on here. See things clearly and think things through. It seems to me that you might want to focus on your MBA applications, as doing your own MBA program might provide the reset that you need. Best of luck man and keep us posted.

This is similar to a high school relationship where one goes off to school far from the other. In this situation, your girlfriend is pursuing an MBA. She's with her classmates all day every day, she lives with them, she studies with them, they're sharing ambitions with each other, and yes partying with each other. 28 isn't that old, and 28-year-old people party and drink. Especially when they need to let loose in between their rigorous studies. Some people attend MBAs to find a spouse. Best believe they're a bunch of guys in her classes looking to hook up or for something more serious, and that goes for the women as well. MBAs are notorious for breaking up relationships. Most breakups happen around Thanksgiving. She's surrounded by good looking intelligent and ambitious people who are probably going to be rich and well-connected if they aren't already. It's only natural that feelings may develop.

With all that said, she's focusing on herself, and you need to be focusing on yourself. All the anxiousness you're feeling is your gut warning you that your relationship probably won't last in its current trajectory. Long distance relationships suck and they're extremely fragile. If I were in your situation I would stop putting my attention towards her, you're watching her live her life while, and you're neglecting your own. When you speak and she asks how you're doing, tell her everything is great. The last thing she probably wants to hear is her long distance boyfriend who can't figure out his situation bringing her down while she's enjoying her MBA. That's practically throwing your girl into the arms of some guy in her MBA class.

Do your best to keep it together, but you shouldn't sit on your hands watching her enjoy her life while you're bracing for the possible worst. Have something positive to talk about next time you talk. You don't want her to come home on break and see you depressed and in the same situation or worse as when she left you. It's a tough situation, but you have to play the cards you're being dealt. You need you more than she needs you right now.

Dear diary,

nobody cares

Sounds like you need to relax a bit brother. Been there with the depression and anxiety and it can really mess you up and you sound very stressed.

Question a bit - is the relationship really going that badly? You clearly have a lot of history so there must be something still there which can be easily resurrected post MBA. You can also just keep up the contact in the meantime. Is your girl really having such a good time with the MBA than what’s on social media? (probably not). Is your career really going that badly? You’re doing better than 99% of people with IB experience, you’re very likely to get a decent MBA offer. 

Finally, a girlfriend wants to see a guy building a life for himself and a life outside of just her, she does not want a guy wallowing in self pity or his own delusions about how bad his life is, trust me. Your life sounds great on the whole, and you’ve got a very bright future ahead of you if you work a bit on it and wait it out, you’ll be golden.

Propose or break up.

I'm just going to say that while many LDRs struggle through an MBA that not all of them die. 

The ones that have the greatest chance of survival are ones where the individuals are seeing each other on a regular basis (although even couples living together don't all survive). I know one guy who said he would fly every other weekend to see her or vice versa and pay for the flight if she visited him. He stuck to it and they just got married. 

I've seen some couples break up during a "turkey drop" and then get back together after the novelty of the program dies down. And trust me it does. It's hard to tell where things will go, but maybe it will be helpful to see the MBA as a stress test on the relationship. If all it takes is the temporary suspended reality of business school to kill the relationship, was she the one?  

Boo-hoo, go cry some more. Isaiah is correct…you’ve been together for 4+ years, presumably both >25yo and you still haven’t proposed or made plans to? Honestly you sound like a complete manchild, and this bullshit “anxiety and feelings” is even more pathetic. Completely unattractive to a woman, get it together and take some initiative in your life. 

Either shit or get off the pot, or don’t be surprised when she’s getting her back blown out by some Chad who’s going to run his daddy’s business and your relationship is over by spring of 1Y. 

I actually empathise with your situation and am a bit surprised by some of these comments in terms of „get your shit together“ and proposing asap.

First of all, I‘ve gone through several stints of LDRs, and whilst all felt difficult at that time, we made it work. Furthermore, I believe people still change tremendously in their late twenties and marrying at that time is not necessarily a one-fits-all solution, even if the base of the relationship is long-term and great. Many (aka close to 50%) who marry young break up a decade later and start over from scratch anyways. Why pressure yourself into marrying asap?


In terms of you feeling down over the last two years, I‘ve also gone through periods of that and it really takes a long time to overturn mishaps. Try to improve your daily routines in terms of working out, hobbies, meeting friends, etc. step by step. It sounds like you are on the right track by strategizing your own options such as doing MBA or moving roles.

Also, if your current role drains you, try to minimize work hours and time spent thinking about work whilst still maintaining a decent level of performance. It will free up time for your next moves and having some fun along the way.

Best of luck!

What M7 is she at? Bc if you're living in NYC, you've been dating for 4-years, and she chose Kellogg/Sloan over Columbia... she probably isn't as committed to the relationship as you'd think. Call me a pessimist, but IMO her choosing to move away from you (regardless of her 'career goals' or whatever) after 4-years of dating is a red flag. 

If you're miserable, head over heels for this girl, and simping to her while she's enjoying her MBA... it's just another reason for her to lose interest in the relationship.  I'm just imagining her face timing you after a great day of fun with her classmates, only for you to complain about how miserable you are... is that the kind of person she wants to be in a long-term relationship with? 

She’s likely getting railed. The only pre mba relationships I saw survive were people who were married. And even in those a few had some sort of cheating