Today I heard from my rapε survivor ex-gf
So, today, heard from a mutual friend about my ex - who I broke up a couple years ago. She ('the friend') gave me some depressing updates regarding my ex.
She ('ex-gf') had gone into total destructive mode with degenerate deviant sex life - sleeping around & putting on weight, also dropped out of university.
She was studying Criminology when we were together, partially because she was r*aped as a kid (by a close family member) and this somehow made her want to study this field and find out motivations of criminals and eventually move into Law Enforcement doing Detective/Forensic work upon graduation. Well, this didn't go as planned, she quitted university 1 year after we broke up. She also had to combat depression since the childhood sexual assault.
And I have a pretty weird feeling about all this, she was the one helped me with COVID layoff (My M&A graduate gig got reneged), she lent me some cash to help me survive through the hiring freeze in finance, which led to me grabbing any role available and fortunately I landed a seat in Volatility Trading (Market Making to be specific) and my career just ascended from there, I subsequently moved to a small Quant Hedge Fund whilst doing part-time master degree in mathematics and now I'm currently at an AI Research Firm.
I even thought of the ring at some point during the relationship, especially after she helped and stayed during my COVID unemployment period (my jobless state lasted a few months, I was a fresh graduate lost his grad offer and I relied on her financial support - her savings to be specific).
Fast forward to the time of break up, her trauma from the assault keeps resurfacing throughout the relationship, she confessed she even developed kinks for violent sex that reanimated her attack and for some psychological fucked up reason it turns her on. We didn't really have a good bedroom time, as each time we got intimate I wanted to stay vanilla whilst she wanted to veer off to some weird kinks which kinda disturb me. It was like she wanted constant reenacments of the r*pe so she got numb and the assault got normalised or something like that. It was a huge problem and we couldn't resolve that, not to mention other mental health stuff she had to combat daily and I was under the pump at all time at work, thus we got into fights a lot. On top of that, her family didn't like me, they thought I was on the hunt for the green card. I was a migrant, she was local. So my decision at the time was best to part ways. I initiated the breakup, and got blocked afterwards.
Today, after hearing the updates on her life, couldn't help but think about this relationship. Also, for some of you might ask 'why didn't I check in on her since the break up'. I never got unblocked. And 'why not coming back?' Well the major problem is her trauma and mental health issues are still there and looks like she will have to combat them till her last day on earth, we couldn't resolve them then, probably couldn't resolve them now. Also, I've been living with a new girl from England and things going well, so really no reason to come back.
Anyway, I might have a sleepless night today thinking about this...
That’s rough bro, but given you’re blocked not much you can do….
She was good to you when you were in trouble so when the time comes (if it does) you should try help, but it does seem like she’s in a deep deep hole at this stage.
Helping may damage your current relationship, but if things ever resurface maybe try at the very least reimburse her for her help (assuming you haven’t).
We can’t fix everyone and everything - that’s life.
Thanks mate, had done that already. Was trying to give her financial support in return when I was back on my feet as well, not much just offered to pay for most of stuff/expense whilst we were together, but she had always decline.
Yeah I guess I can't really 'fix' her, should be her own healing journey, but yeah sexual assaults ain't no joke. If it was just rough sex 'use me' kinda stuff then I wouldn't bother, but recitals of verbal violence along the line of "You said no but your body said yes" whilst she wailing and begging me stop is no longer a roleplay I was comfortable with.
You’re honestly in the clear and there’s not much you can do. You’ve done your best to return the favor and that’s all there is.
The sex stuff…not for everyone, it’s pretty subjective.
She's a good person underneath, and she helped you in a time of need. You tried reaching out, but she blocked you. Ntg much you can do at this point especially now that you have a good career and a good relationship.
You did what you could. It's a harsh thing to admit but you clearly dodged a huge bullet relationship-wise by ending things with her, that type of toxicity will seep into your life if you're around it long enough. If she won't/can't face her issues to figure out how to get past them and will block/reject people trying to offer support then there's nothing to be done. None of it's your fault, none of it's your problem, and dwelling on it will only cause you to miss future opportunities and miss out on bringing better people into your life. She did the blocking for you, I'd say it's in your best interest to just put her out of your mind to the best of your ability and keep doing what you've been doing. Clearly you're on the up and up and you just can't bring everyone with you unfortunately.
Massive bullet my friend. Not to have any negative connotation associated with her as a person, but her circumstance had unnfortunately made her unfit for healthy relationships until she found a way to heal it. I did appreciate her presence at some point in my life but this ain't gonna work.
Was going to say the same thing. Stay as far away from this woman as possible while she heals. She needs to walk this road on her own. It’s simpler for your life not to be dragged into her problems that you didn’t cause. It’s admirable you care but her blocking you tells you all you need to know.
A few years back I dated an insanely hot girl (9.5/10) who had father abandonment issues. As a result, she had a 3-figure body count. She was a great person, but her sex life and childhood issues kept resurfacing in ways that indicated to me that things would never last with us, so I initiated the break-up (sooooo reluctantly). It sucks, but we are the sum total of our life experiences, and some are extremely impactful in negative ways. This is why I'm glad the state of Florida is going to attempt to re-instate execution for those guilty of child sexual assault and challenge a former wrong ruling by the Supreme Court. There's no more damaging crime than rape of a child--it has lifelong impacts.
She's probably a single mom by now lol. These kinds of women are so problematic.
And yeah, agree with much tougher punishments on child r*pes. Capital punishments are totally justified.
How is this a "deviant sex life"? Sounds like the dream for most of the 23 year old finance bros I used to know...
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