trouble w relationships/women
I'm a junior at a top institution w an offer for this upcoming summer at an EB. I feel like I've accomplished most of my objectives in undergrad (will recruit for FT MFPE in the spring), but haven't dated or had sex since senior year of high school. I feel like I have some things going for me (6'3"+, well read/intelligent) with some detracting things (not white, skinny) but my personal life could be better.
I'd hate to have graduated college without going on a single date, but I feel so apathetic when it comes to anything romantic/sexual. I was approached by two girls after going out to a social event for the first time in many months, but I didn't want to exert the effort to engage with them beyond our short interactions. Maybe its the stress of classes (trying to improve my GPA a bit) but I really don't know what's wrong with me. For those of you that are curious about my sexual outlets, I usually get off to pornography and get back to studying/classwork. I'm not sure what I'm doing wrong or if I have some problem. I kind of want to get bloodwork done because I think I might be anemic and/or have low testosterone or something.
If any of you have advice in regards to getting out of this rut and just living more I would appreciate the feedback.
Do you not want to... you know... do what you see in porn?
If you're not into women that don't look and fuck like porn stars or your fetish is too weird then maybe chill out with that
I watch tame stuff with girl-next-door type actresses. I can only suspend disbelief so much and don't want to train myself to have unrealistic expectations. To your question, yes. However, I think I make an internal assessment where I figure that it is much more efficient to jerk off. I am prevented from reputational risk, potential emotional damage, and wasting my time. I can't envision a future where I am with any woman I meet on this campus long term, so I see any engagement w them as sunk cost.
Why not? Can't you find a woman from your campus who will live in the same city?
Maybe you just haven’t met anyone who sparks your interest on an emotional level. It’s not there with just anyone.
Don’t be too focused on career or finances when thinking about a partner. I am someone who cares about both things and though it is in my financial interest to find someone with the same, I just never connect with them. Was always drawn to the kind of girls who don’t have secondary motivations behind what they study or do but do it because they really want to. Happily with someone like that now.
Try meeting different people. You never know what you might find.
I don't care too much about finances. In fact, I would prefer to date a girl who is an academic type. The one girl I was flirting with throughout undergrad is quite intelligent and will probably do a PhD in synthetic biology.
I will take your advice but it's tough to meet people as a junior. I also don't go out to parties or mixers often because I am not affiliated with any social organizations.
Stop consuming pornography!
Dating nowadays isn't really all of that, in spite of the millions of users of dating apps, so I don't think you're missing out on much there. I think the whole world is in a rut so your feelings aren't that out of the ordinary. Right now is a great time for you not to be in a relationship or dating since you're going to be focusing on something that has to do with your future career and future in general. Just focus on academics and start preparing for your internship in the meantime. College girls aren't that great at this stage so you would really regret getting involved with someone who might distract you from the important things in life with very little to offer in return. Take it easy, if you're already in rut the wrong girl will bury you.
"College girls are boring"
"Don't date because it will distract you from your career"
Pick one and only one
This is a fair graphic. I guess my pushback would be that this image assumes you really tried to begin with. I had a girl give me her number like two weeks ago and ask to get dinner sometime, but I've been so consumed with stress and questioned the value to the point that I never even texted her.
You definitely have low testosterone you absolute beta
im a sophomore but what I've noticed when dating and talking to women is that all girls are the same. they dress the same (flared pants, af1, crop top), talk abt the same stuff (dull personalities), and even act the same (the way they talk etc.). We live in a hookup culture era, so go take advantage of it.
Are these low-T chronic masturbator nerds seriously this oblivious? You don't know what you need to do or you're too bitchass to do it
is everyone on this site a virgin recluse autist or what
every fucking 2 days there is one of these threads
I've been in a two year relationship, am not a virgin, and am not a recluse. I go to the gym 3-5 days a week and am well respected in my social circle. When I've told people I haven't went on a date since HS, most are very shocked. If you have any constructive feedback or suggestions I would appreciate them though.
are you good looking?
What university did you go to that has that many women in engineering that long ago? I heard CMU's CS program is now mostly female, mine is like 40%
1. Quit porn
2. Lift
As long as you aren't a complete doorknob the rest will happen naturally as you pursue your career and hobbies.
No offense but this is pretty bad advice, "pursue your career and hobbies and the women will come to you", left him sexless through college so clearly that's not working.
I've recently started lifting. I'm going to the gym 3-5 days a week and seeing good progress. My goal is to be in decent shape before starting a finance career. I've also stopped pornography for extended periods to mixed results. My sex drive seems to go down a lot.
Go to the gym
Be interesting
STop jerking off
Walk yourself through the worst case scenario of a one night stand. Questions I would ask myself if I were you (none meant to offend, just trying to get you thinking):
A: Yes, she's a woman. If you have a small dick/don't have great bed skills, maybe this is something that's worrisome to you. Mitigate this by hooking up with someone at a party outside your network
A: I would plan it out. Plan to go to a party, plan to meet a random girl, plan for it to be no strings attached. Once you have that in your head, you're clear. If she wants your number, make the decision whether you have the self control to have a booty call without getting connected. If you don't, give her a burner number.
A: Everyone needs time to decompress. Schedule yourself out and you'll have time to party. I had a good enough GPA from a good college, and went to lots of parties and social events. All about time management
A: You have to just make up your mind to get laid. Have some drinks (not too much, and make sure she's not fucked up of course), cut loose, and just be suave. Dance with her, flirt, just do it.
Overall I think you just need to break your mental block here. You gotta just dive in and hookup once, worry about the dates later. I say this bc women have like a 6th sense for guys that haven't been laid in a while, and it also affects your self confidence whether you are aware of it or not. You will strike out if you just try going on dates, and you also won't have the experience with college girls to back up a date if it goes well.
Best of luck my man.
Dude go see a therapist jeez
Could be low T
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