*Update* Prank Calling Bankers

Backstory: I am a non target who received a solid summer ’25 offer back in the spring, so I decided to prank call some of the dicks that I spoke to while trying to network from a non target. I knew I had to network my butt off, so I did almost 200 calls. Thank you to everyone who gave me call ideas and advice on how to remain anonymous. I ended up buying a prepaid phone from some dude on Craigslist. Met him in a sketchy parking lot and gave him 60 bucks. This is long overdue, but I needed to make sure the guys I called weren’t on wso and saw my call coming. My best calls are highlighted below: GUY 1: Backstory: This guy (let’s call him Bob) is an O&G IB analyst at a very middle market bank. However, when I networked with him and asked about the mm space and what banks they would often compete against, he was outright offended. Although his bank may be a mm bank, his awesome, prestigious, exceptional group at said mm bank is actually what’s called a bulge bracket team (because his group only competes against bbs. And who cares about what bank you work at, the titles of bb, mm, eb, boutique are obviously group dependent, duh). He also described his office as “work hard, play hard” and his group has “a fratty culture which is friggin’ awesome”. A deal he worked on closed, so I decided to call him as a local college student collecting research for a new M&A finance class (he works in a very O&G heavy city). I created a bs Gmail account and in my email to him I said my findings would also be featured in an alumni segment that would be distributed heavily (I said that I was a student at his alma mater, lmao). Me: Hey Bob, thanks for hopping on the phone with me. we bs for a few minutes and I intro myself Me: I’m collecting some research for a school report. I got assigned the O&G space and I don’t know much about it. I’m tasked with writing a report about O&G M&A activity in xxx city and I saw your bank recently closed xxx deal. Could you tell me a little bit about it? Bob: Bla bla bla… talked about how HE HIMSELF was actually on said deal. Talked about the company and how others had TONS of interest in it. People got into a bidding war! Highlighted how awesome his bank is and how prestigious his bank is. He says something along the lines of “This company pretty much sold itself because of the reputation that my bank has. Private equity firms and companies we contact know that we only sell businesses that are the best of the best. We could sell water to the ocean…” bla bla bla. Me: Wow! That’s awesome! I proceed to butter him up and toot his horn. I ask him a couple of legit questions. Me: I saw online that there are a lot of banks in city xxx that do O&G M&A. I also read that bank xxx is what’s called a “middle market bank”. What does this mean? Bob: WOAH WOAH WOAH. Don’t believe everything you read online, kid. Bank xxx is actually what’s called a “bulge bracket” bank. He proceeds to give me the same bs he gave to me when I networked with him. Me: Uhhh, I actually read that bank xxx was a middle market bank on a lot of websites. Are you sure you’re not mistaken? Bob: Did you seriously just ask me if I know what my own bank is called? I think I know what my bank is. Me: I just Googled it to make sure I’m not mistaken, and yeah. Bank xxx is clearly a middle market bank. “There’s no way your bank is as good as aaa or bbb bank. I had never heard of xxx bank before this project but I had heard of aaa and bbb. Bob (very pissed off at this point): BANK XXX IS A BULGE BRACKET BANK. OUR DEALS ARE WAY BIGGER THAN THE MIDDLE MARKET AND WE DON’T EVEN COMPETE WITH THE LITTLE GUYS. I’M NOT GOING TO ARGUE ABOUT THIS ANY MORE. Me: Got it, sorry. I’m just not sure if I can put this in my report because I think my professor will think it’s fake. He’s going to think I made it up and that I made up this interview because an employee obviously wouldn’t misclassify their own bank. Bob: I’M DONE TALKING WITH YOU ABOUT THIS. I’M EXTREMELY BUSY AND I NEED TO GO. I DON’T GIVE YOU PERMISSION TO USE ANYTHING I SAID ABOUT THIS DEAL. IF I SEE THIS CONVERSATION IN A REPORT, I HAVE YOUR INFORMATION AND WILL GET THE COMPLIANCE DEPARTMENT INVOLVED IN THIS. hangs up Total length of call: 8 minutes, 4 seconds. I was disappointed he hung up so early. I was going to ask him why they weren’t able to sell the business for more, etc. I guess he got weekend work or something. GUY 2: Thank you to whoever recommended the disgruntled food delivery person. (Commented anonymously). Background: this guy was just a dick. Was asking me difficult technical questions on a networking call, said something along the lines of “why did you choose to go to xxx school? To watch mediocre basketball?”. He was a target kid so he probably looked down on me. Lets call him Joe. I timed my call right around dinner time. I had to try this one two times because the first person I tried hadn’t ordered food and just hung up. Me: Hey man I’ve got your food down here. There’s no one at the desk and I can’t go up the elevators so I need you to meet me down here. Joe: Hey thanks, you can just drop the food at the desk. I’ll be down soon. Me: I would but I can’t just drop it, a lot of people say that and then claim the order never arrived. Joe: I can’t come down right now man, just drop it off please. I’m pretty sure the instructions say leave it at my door. Me: I can’t do that Joe. I have to hand it to you because the instructions say hand it to me. Joe: Dude I can’t come down right now. Just drop it off at the desk, everyone just drops it at the front. Me: Joe I’m going to have to cancel the order if you can’t meet me down here, I don’t have all night. Joe: Jesus Christ man, give me 5 minutes I’ll be down. Hangs up He calls me back after a few minutes. Joe: I’m down here, where are you? Me: I’m in the lobby, I don’t see you. Joe: Are you at the right place? Me: I think so, let me check. Takes a few seconds and pretends to check my phone Me: My bad man, give me a couple minutes I’m across the street. Hangs up He calls me after a few minutes Joe: Where the hell are you man? I have shit to do. Me: I cancelled your order man, I went to the right building and you weren’t there Joe: Just cusses me out and hangs up This one was overall just funny, could tell he was going to have a late night and didn’t want to deal with this bs. Guy 3: This guy was dry as a bone when I originally called him. No personality, responded to my questions as if I was an idiot, told me banking isn’t for everyone and that I need to “really lock in” on networking calls. Told me that banks won’t hire from my non target school. Recommended that I look into asset management or corporate banking. Let’s call him Steve. I called him at roughly 11:06am or something around there. He didn’t answer the first time, so I recalled him. Me: Steve, where are you? Steve: I’m sorry, who is this? Me: This is FirstName LastName (name of an MD at a different city office, same bank). I need you to join the Zoom, where are you? Steve: I’m sorry, I must have missed something, what call do we have right now? Me: GET ON THE FING CALL STEVE STOP MESSING AROUND. I’VE BEEN BSING WITH THESE GUYS FOR 10 MINUTES AND NEED TO KICK THIS THING OFF. I hang up He tried calling me back, but I didn’t answer. Hopefully I gave him a nice little scare. Thanks to everyone who commented and gave me ideas. Hopefully this gave you a laugh. Cheers