Do any of you feel like everything is way over complicated for no reason? Do people have some type of trust issues these days? I see so many new relationships that start and end in 3 to 4 months. What is going on?
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Hey Frog The Jam, I swear if I had a silver banana for every lonely thread I posted too I'd be richer than @compbanker ...
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Hope that helps.
Social media and online dating, it's a treadmill of unhappiness that you can't get off.
I agree heavy! What would say to younger folks today about all this? Get off social media and online dating? It's funny because online dating exist largely because people feel super lonely and have a hard time finding people in real life.
True but I see how online dating makes it worse it makes people lest trusting it frustrates guys because its way against men as only the top few percent get all the matches. It then frustrates girls because a lot match with those top 10 percent guys and are then surprised when they are just used for sex so they get resentful against men and aren't willing to date someone there level because they were able to have sex with a 10 percenter.
Its bad for both sexes unless you are incredibly attractive and then if you are you would probably be better to meet in person unless you are wanting to whore around.
I've been on well over a hundred dates from apps. So easy to get bored quickly and bail at the first sign of a relationship getting stale, or think a better option is a swipe away. Also easy to date 4-5 girls at once and never truly get invested in one. Barrier to entry for dating has never been lower but a relationship probably more difficult
I agree, barrier to entry has been way lower than before, but of those girls you talk to a lot of them are of like no substance. I can bet probably 90% of the girls aren't a match compatibility wise and most of the time the only thing that lines up is you find them attractive. Of the 10% sometimes timing is also everything. It's hard out there!
Personality and sanity is also extremely important. I personally wouldn't touch any hot bombshell if she even shows any signs of being crazy. Not worth dealing with a nightmare.
On that note, Johnny Depp and his ex Amber Heard are going at it in court. Apparently, Amber is psycho she shat in his bed bruh. Had me bugging, WTF is that about!!!
Because now you carry a personal advertisement campaign in your pocket and dating mobility is through the roof. Everyone in 100 miles can find you, tons of them will be initially attractive, the grass is greener. Is there one slight thing you don't like about the person your dating? Pack it up and move on you have 10 other options on stand by. You couldn't do that shit pre 2010. Your dating pool options were the people you could find at the bar, gym, work, school. There was a psychology study that found variety/options move inversely with overall satisfaction. I think I also saw something like prearranged marriages have lower divorce rates and higher satisfaction.
Isn’t 100 miles very far for a relationship? Maybe I’m just really lazy but I find anything further than the gym, bar, etc. to be too far for a relationship. Don’t you want to see your SO often?
Apologize in advance for this stream of consciousness, but hopefully it's relevant and provides some insight into a late-20s person's thoughts. I think this partially relates to another post I came across recently regarding stepping away from social media. It's true the dating landscape has changed due to the advent of technology, and everybody now has "limitless" options at their fingertips (in quotes due to some of the points already mentioned - matching can be very superficial and dependent on how well you present digitally though a small screen).
There are tons of other factors too, and oversimplifying the modern dating trend by just saying it's different, does not take into account things such as guidance from parents and other role models, what type of relationships your friends are into, and of course personal differences in goals (i.e. clubbing on a weekend to find a nice piece of ass or trying to build a connection someone - no shame in either).
I will say, and my current fiancé will quickly agree, that constantly overloading your stimuli with pictures of other women - and this can be subliminal by a simple scroll through an Instagram feed, or more deliberate by way of deliberate searches - can lead to a shift in perception of the person right in front of you. It's not something you may realize right away, but she has mentioned a couple of times that she can notice a change in the way I look at her after mindless Reddit/Instagram browsing. I did not agree with her at first, but I did notice it slowly became an addiction of sorts.
We had initially met through an app after I moved to NYC, and I did have the mindset of exploring all the city had to offer, but we quickly hit it off and I started to spend more time with her. Things got serious, but I still thought of "what else is out there" and the app made things too easy. Thankfully she overlooked my dumb behavior and I finally got rid of the apps (recently got off Instagram too) and I'm beginning to see not only how those things affected me, but how my behavior and attitude towards those things affected her. I don't think it was just us settling into the routine of a more serious relationship - I do believe having the "freedom of optionality" took away from true commitment and I'm starting to see positive improvements between us, as well as internally (self-comparison, more time to browse for other things - such as a new vinyl release haha, and no longer frequently wondering how we might be perceived by others). We're happy, and I believe if I can stay present, we will continue to be.
Isn’t this a really long winded way of saying that your SO isn’t hot but has other desirable traits that aren’t easily displayed on social media like beauty is?
You seem to have a lot vested in this thread based on your numerous replies.
Are you a victim of the OP? Or just the standard WSO off topic forum vestal?
This is really true! It's like with the optionality today the top 10% of girls and guys are always thinking about what their other options are. I think having the control to know what you want and what you are looking for is important. Most of the people on WSO are in the top percentage compensation wise so there are girls there that will find you attractive just based off of that alone. I said it earlier how I came across a post and someone said, "All you need is just 1, so go find that one girl that is a 10 in your eyes" Even if she's a 5 to others as long as she's hot to you and you think she's a 10 that is enough." I find it to be really valid!
Also, as everyone gets older the reality is the superficial stuff starts to fade. They start to realize not everything is about the looks. It's not always about that blonde with nice breast, nice ass and gorgeous body. It becomes more like is she good for my kids, is she going to be a good mother to my children. Is she a good role model? Stuff like that. For girls, as they start to age they also start to become more willing to overlook superficial attributes. They start to think about if he's able to provide for the family, got good genes, healthy, and chances are if she finds you hot enough that is all that matters. Finding someone hot is subjective. What I think is hot isn't what someone think would be hot.
Most importantly though just be happy! Nothing worse than an abusive relationship and divorce that will only end up setting you back financially and mentally/physically. It is not worth it to test someone's sanity to be with someone whose only hot but have everything else that is off. Hot people with problems are in abundance.
Regular folks who should have no problem finding relationships with insecurity are also in abundance. They have a hard time accepting/matching the top 10%. It's all out there. Lastly, I will add I am also guilty of looking at hot girls on social media. We can't help it, we are guys after all. Testosterones/hormones to the roof LOL! I am single so it's less of a problem and I still find it damaging how I am doing this and it fucks with my perception of real life. I have to like constantly remind myself what I see on the web and digital isn't real. I've since stopped and deleted most social media. It's been great, i feel normal again. Thanks for sharing!
I think one thing you have to remember is that some people are just not ready for a relationship either. Whether they are building a career, getting ready to move, etc. Sometimes this sucks if you find a great person and it is the wrong time. I think this also plays a massive part into the dating scene as people can move faster and quicker than ever before. Lets say I want a job on the other side of the country, I could have one and be moved in less than 60 days if I really want. So, its not only people being superficial, but also people having more options in life than ever before.
It really does feel like dating is a numbers game now a days and I think the best thing you can do is improve yourself and put yourself out there a bit. Go talk to the girl, go say high to the person across the way. You may never know what is going to happen. Just remember if someone is not ready for a relationship they are not going to care how good of a person you are.
It’s funny, guys and girls I talk to seem to say the same thing how dating sucks. I was talking to a girl I went on a few dates with about this and she went off saying how all guys treat her like shit. The ironic thing is the reasons that she was listing off were the exact things that she does/how she acts etc. (she was complaining about how guys don’t respond, don’t talk to her, have all of these options and don’t care, etc…). I know other girls who feel this way too
I’m in NYC for reference. I think it is a feedback loop…people get treated like shit, and then feel resentful and end up treating other people like shit. Also, most people feel like they “deserve” more than they really do IMO. Maybe part of that issue is unrealistic standards a la Instagram which someone hit on above. But most people seem to be holding out or waiting for the perfect thing to happen. Too many people playing games
I also think that where you meet people makes a big difference. Girls from apps have generally been misses for me. I think the way to go is friends of friends (the further removed the better for when shit doesn’t work out, lol), gym, wherever. Quality > quantity
So fucking true! I'm NYC as well. Same old story all the time. Also, people do be playing way too much games out there.
I think it's extremely important to treat people fairly. Just because you've been fucked over or been treated like shit doesn't mean you can do that to others to make yourself feel better. There is a lot of that in NYC. It's a hot mess!
Where you meet that person also matters heavy! I agree meeting through mutual friends that are cool! But make sure those are your real friends who set you up well! Nothing worse than a bad setup with a crazy!
The princess mentality in NYC is too strong imo. Yes the options for a girl are quite strong relative to other cities, but girls just don’t seem to get that everything has trade-offs in life. They’ll throw aside a back office guy and go for the investment banker but then constantly complain that they aren’t getting attention, quick enough responses, etc. Like girl money doesn’t just fall from heaven for most people it takes time and effort to earn and if you want a man with more money you’re going to have to accept the trade off of less time with him. Or complaining that there guy isn’t “nice enough” when they thought several guys who are a 7 are too trashy to even consider dating. Like if personality is the girl’s main criteria than it’s just common sense that there are more guys (and by extension more nice guys) who aren’t the buff 6ft 2” tall white dude, so she may have to compromise in other areas. Which brings me to height. So many chics who are like 5’ 4” - 5’ 6” who won’t even consider guys under 6’. Like seriously what incentive does a 6’ chad have to go for a girl who is 5’ 4” compared to a supermodel who is 5’ 10”? If she really wants a taller guy I (sort of) get it but then actually consider guys who are teetering at the average. And then there’s the woke stuff you have to deal with. Like if she think white males are all racists or are part of some outdated patriarchy, she shouldn’t wonder why white males don’t want to date her! And if she’s overly sensitive/ taking offense with every little comment/joke then the muscular guy definitely will have no interest in her as he’s facing more adversity every day at the gym than she’s probably faced in her life.
But this is not just one sided. The prince mentality exists as well. Too many guys treated dating as a slightly more formalized form of prostitution and “girlfriend” is synonymous with escort. Like after one dinner date guys will think the girl doesn’t like him if she didn’t sleep with him. Sex is the highest form of physically intimacy that exists. How can one expect that paying a few hundreds bucks as an acquaintance entitles that person to sex? To add on to this birth control is not 100% effective so what next? I know that NYC is very liberal so most girls would abort but what happens when the boy finds out the girl who he thought was sexy and slutty doesn’t want to murder her baby? I’ll tell you what happens. The boy demands that she aborts or else he’ll leave her. Demands for her to kill her baby child. I hope I don’t have to clarify how this is a king like demand. Finally you have the overweight guys who think they will bag the model but have never stepped foot in a gym. Like those guys seems to not realize that models eat healthy and go to the gym and if the guy doesn’t work out and eat greasy pizza through UberEats the relationship will struggle.
Lmfao! Valid! Real valid points!!
Shit is crazy comical. I've seen all this too! I've seen 5 foot girls asking for 6 foot guys. I've seen guys who go on dates and feel entitled to fuck and if she's not down for it then she is a CAP. Stuff like this is just immaturity! A lot of girls grow up and feel like they owe guys sex. No you don't. Guys/Girls don't owe each other shit. No one should have to do what they don't want. Maturity is understanding love is bigger than sex. It's being real and yourself. Everyone is acting like they are who others want them to be instead of being themselves. This whole fucking world is like a joke at times. Then we got people playing games and hard to get.
OMG, I can't text him fast otherwise he'll not like me OMG...how immature mindset lol?
Grass is greener.
For real! Girls be crazy complicated.
Tell me about it :-|
NYC is a heavily male friendly dating market
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