Feeling broken at dream PE job
I am currently working at a global PE fund; having transitioned from a respected domestic fund. This was a dream move for me. I worked incredibly hard to land this role. But now that I am here I am slowly breaking down.
I feel invisible. The team culture is cold, bordering on toxic. There’s one particular VP who’s especially harsh. He talks down to people and does not tolerate even basic clarifying questions. I get pulled into projects midway with zero context, and if I make even a small mistake, it's blown out of proportion. Some associates/VPs behave like a clique, they talk over me or act like I haven’t contributed anything, even when I have. Even when I try to take initiative, I either get ignored or micromanaged to the point of feeling stupid.
To cope from all this I have been stress eating, doom scrolling, and feeling like I have no control over anything. I feel anxious all the time, feel ashamed around my family, and numb most of the time at work.
When I was at my old fund I wanted this step up so bad and now I feel like such an idiot.
Has anyone else been in a situation like this? How did you deal with it?
Unfortunately I went through this about 5 years ago as a Senior A:
Good luck brutha
Not OP but nonetheless a timely read for me - thank you for sharing. OP - you’re definitely not alone in feeling this way… am going through something similar and it’s tough to come to terms with
Thank you
Yes I have had thoughts about moving but I am not sure how the market will look at it if I leave within a year. Plus I might have to take a pay cut since it is one of the highest paying seats (which I am ok with given the stress and the treatment is not worth it)
I’m not sure the pay is even relevant at this point if you hate the job as much as you say you do in your post. What’s your life and sanity worth?
Is making $50-100k more a year worth it when you hate it and likely won’t make partner based on their opinion of you. You’re essentially a wage slave that’s reaping the benefit of your LinkedIn title. Not saying you should leave PE altogether but at least find somewhere where you want to put the work in. If you can’t find anywhere that fits then maybe you should just explore other things. Life’s too short
Feel pretty good for large PE culture
Cold/unfriendly feels like the best of complaints, compared to alternative (absolute sweatshop, getting screamed at) that is more common
Did you do banking pre-PE? curious as many come in used to this culture from banking stints. Also how are the hours?
I was in similar boat - do not wait for them to do right by you. Things do not change and the top does not care. I would look for a new job and try to manage as best as you can.
Working out every morning did miracles for me and maybe try meditating. It helps you detach a little bit
If you think it’s a culture / personality problem, you need to get out asap. Success in PE is all about finding opportunities for career growth and career growth is all about having people like you. This is a dead end and will result in you either getting burned out or getting let go when there isn’t a path upward.
Hi OP - sorry to hear you're in this situation, as someone who has been through something very similar I know it seriously sucks. Honestly toxic micro-management is the worst - if my seniors/the company treat me well then I'm honestly happy to run through walls for them and work crazy hours. But when you're constantly belittled and treated almost like a child, it a) saps your motivation and b) steadily chips away at your self-esteem.
Longer term as others have said I would seek a move, ultimately the culture is unlikely to change so that is probably your only option. And life's just too short, I doubt the extra money (after taxes) is worth sacrificing your physical and mental health for.
So short and medium-term, what can you do? Well here's what worked for me at least:
Try to stop giving a f*ck - I don't mean check out here, obviously still work hard. But ultimately if you're on the verge of quitting, just think every morning what do I actually have to lose today? If you're going to quit anyway, then if you do your best who cares if you get fired? I found it helped a lot when I started adopting that mindset - i.e. I would just wake up and do my very best to do the work well and keep learning/growing professionally, and if some senior chews me out for something that's not my fault - who cares? I know I did my best. Almost like (and no disrespect meant to the actual military who risk their lives) a soldier in the trenches who expects to likely die every day. Just do your best to survive, and every day you make it through to the evening "alive" (i.e. still in your job) is a victory.
Also secondly, stop caring what the seniors think so much. Again I don't mean slack off or stop managing up, keep doing your work well and do your best to always deliver for them. But if some asshole VP/MD chews you out for something ridiculously unfair, he's likely a miserable dude who hates his life/family. I.e. don't internalize his opinion - if you know what he's said is unfair then just try to brush it off.
Therapy - I found it helped me a lot, and just some of the things you've said make it think you might benefit. As why are you ashamed to see your family because of your tough PE job?? I used to think like that (as a neurotic over-achiever) and it's not the right (or healthy) way to think. I imagine you're probably an overachiever who always got straight A grades etc and never saw failure as an option - but real life isn't like that, sometimes you get setbacks. And honestly I'm sure your family would rather you be happy and healthy than miserable and rich. Also bear in mind that if they're anything like my family they barely know the difference between a megafund PE associate and a Wells Fargo bank teller lol! So don't worry about the prestige. So yeah would recommend either therapy or just trying to change your mindset if you can.
Healthy habits - try your best to exercise and eat healthy. I went through a phase of over-eating and drinking too much, honestly it does not help long-term. Whereas working out and staying healthy helps give back some of your "sense of control" i.e. it sounds strange but you almost feel smug that despite the intense pressure at work you've managed to stay in good shape! And if you're like I was back then, it's the loss of control of your life that is one of the worst aspects to deal with.
The above also includes trying not to doom scroll too much. I'm speaking from personal experience here, as I did the same - either reading really negative stories or spending too much time on Youtube seeing stories about 21yr old crypto millionaires etc and wondering where I went wrong in life. Honestly that won't help - try to pick up reading a book in the evening instead if you can.
Anyway OP, good luck - honestly there is light at the end of the tunnel (either you find a new/better job or just quit and take some time off, it's seriously not the end of the world). In the meantime just focus on staying healthy and happy (as you can) and don't let these assholes take over your entire life. Yes they can boss you around at work but being healthy and exercising/picking up hobbies/trying to make a happy life outside work - that's on you, don't let them ruin that too.
Thank you - this really helps. I will definitely try and implement these suggestions.
On the family part its just that they don’t understand the situation. They think that this is a golden opportunity for me and I am trying to throw this away. They also saw me slogging through school and jobs to get here and cant understand that this is not what I thought it would be. I have been disillusioned - its just that they dont get it when I try to explain my situation to them
Fair enough - I get it, and know from experience that parental expectations aren't easy to deal with. But it's worth remembering that ultimately you have one life, you have to life it for yourself. Bit cheesy I know. But there's a great bestseller by a terminal care worker who interviewed people on their deathbed - by far the biggest regret dying people had was "I wish I lived the life I wanted and was true to myself, rather than doing what other people expected of me."
The sad thing is at that point in their life it's too late, game over with no second chances. But for you that's not the case. Now like all things there's some nuance - I get you want to make your parents proud of you, and quitting your job tomorrow might not be the best move necessarily anyway. But it's your life, what matters is how you feel about the job. And yeah if you do leave they might well be disappointed/think you've thrown away a "golden opportunity" - but isn't that better than the alternative of always being miserable? I obviously don't know your family or what your relationship with them is like - but if it was a binary choice between disappointing them short/medium-term but long-term getting to live the happy fulfilling life I wanted, or keeping them happy but being miserable for a large chunk of my life. I know which option I'd choose.
Again I'm not even advocating for quitting in the near future. If you want to try tough it out for your own reasons (professional advancement, saving up more money etc) then give that a shot, bearing in mind the tips I gave above that worked for me. But my advice would be to do it for yourself, not for other people.
Edit: would again recommend considering trying therapy, it helped me with a lot of the issues you describe (including letting down my parents)
Ignore title.
Currently a 4th year - been through the exact same situation and could feel the pain reading this.
Regarding family, you will be surprised just how supportive family can be in these situations. I grew up with a tough macho dad who accepted nothing short of being an overachiever when I was growing up. When I found myself in this situation, he was the most supportive he has even been in my life. I was shocked. Same goes to the wider family. They don't give a fuck about any of this. They love you and want you to be happy.
Same goes to friends, who always joked about me being the guy who will make it having broken into an MF. This for me was an even harder pill to swallow.
I quit - and to my surprise (though not really a surprise assuming you have a decent family and friends), no one cared. My family and friends loved me for me, not because of some title or firm they couldn't care any less. Life moved on, and I was able to spend even more time with those who I cared about.
You are in the eye of the storm so seems like the end of the world. It' not, just keep the head high up buddy. Thought might be helpful to share.
Bro you’re saying thanks to chatGPT post lmao
Super helpful for me as well. Thank you for contributing.
Having gone through something similar, I would echo falconeagle. The biggest thing you must watch out for is death by a thousand cuts - the cumulative effect on your self-esteem of constant contempt from your co-workers. I can see this is what's currently happening to you. Fight it. You are talented and have much to offer.
When this happened to me, it turned a subject I was passionate about (investing) into one I could barely think about. My evenings went from reading, lifting, being productive to hours of playing video games (something I hadn't really done since I was in high school). Took a while to recover but I eventually did.
Whether it's therapy or otherwise, you need to find a way to center yourself and let go of their approval - it's not within your power to control. If the situation is as far gone as you've described, you need to protect yourself and prepare for the next chapter. Some thoughts:
As for your family, help them see the light if you can but don't expend more energy than you have to on this. It'll simply add to your stress levels. Had 1 close friend who knew what was happening to me and supported me through. If you can find that person, that's amazing. But again, therapy might be what you need here.
What if I don’t think I can make it to 2 years ?? I think I can only maximum get to 1 year and that’s already a huge stretch to get there
I getcha man. Speaking personally, things got way easier for me to stomach once I got to the 1-year mark (and, concomitantly, were way harder to stomach prior to that date). I knew, and it proved to be true, that I was running downhill from then on. That said, before you read all of my ramblings below - could you go back to your old job? If you were happy and fulfilled there, it may be the exception to what I'm going to write below.
The above aside, what to do? Get to 1-year, take a vacation (work permitting), and see how you feel. If you're on the verge of collapse at that point, start looking, but keep your bar high. Taking the first job you get, if it doesn't meet that bar, will only prolong the misery. You'll start off enjoying the break, but soon enough (and you can find threads that describe this in these forums), you'll start to feel an itch to go back to something that matches your ambition. The difference is you won't be recruiting from a MF anymore. Things will be tougher. And that'll make you even more miserable, as you'll spend all your time wondering what might have been. In effect, you will be allowing the same fund that made you miserable to keep making you miserable.
Start counting down the months - break up time into more manageable chunks (quarters, months, weeks - whatever eases your stress and allows you to feel progress towards a big achievement: a 2-year MF stint). Do everything I described in my last comment. Treat keeping yourself sane as real work. You will make it to 12-18 months at least. And again, from there, it's all downhill.
One more thing: I can tell how tied up your identity is in being a career investor at a MF. Our greatest disappointments happen when there's a significant gap between expectations and reality. You're getting the message loud and clear that this is unlikely to happen at this MF - from what I read, it's likely not your work, but a cultural thing. And that's crushing right now but not surprising: these places tend to have a very specific culture which fits a very specific personality. But even if that's not you, I can promise you that everything is fine - you can have a massive career with massive outcomes if you play this right.
Think about it really - you get through this, and you can leverage this for the rest of your career. You can take 3 months off to reset after your stint and then go work at a family office, strong startup, asset manager, whatever floats your boat. You're doing this to earn something that will be useful to you for the rest of your career - massive credibility to future employers/backers/partners, whoever they might be. While a MF partnership was the dream (and who knows what the future holds), it was one of a set of possible but still good-to-great outcomes.
Thank you this is really helpful
That is exactly what I am trying to do - building a nest egg and just trying to survive. I am about 7 months in - trying to last the full year and then see where it goes from there
Realizing I responded to someone else above. Yeah exactly - that's the right approach. And trust me - it's going to get way easier to stomach this shit in year 2. Light at the end of the tunnel, especially when it starts to go down to single-digit months.
what is the difference between a Global fund and a respected domestic fund (?) literally never heard anyone use that terminology.
Going through exactly this right now.
Currently at a sector focused MF, where I am being suffocated and pushed out by lack of growth which is manifesting through intentionally being given only non-promotable staffing (struggling tiny 10-year+ legacy portco work nobody cares about) and stuck with no deal work that is constantly staffed to the cliquey juniors who are favored by an insecure head of the team that has no life outside work and to whom they play cheap flattering which I cant force myself to do without losing self-respect.
Super relieving to read all the advice here and hopefully markets will improve soon and we will lateral!
Stay strong gents💪
Best of luck soldier
Unfortunately doing this is a material part of succeeding in climbing the ladder at a MF
Get a new job. Even if it pays less. You will be amazed at how much happier in life you are with a job that pays less (...but still covers the bills and allows you to save money). The only difference is you might save $5k-$10k less annually.
...But on the flipside, you will have time to work out, read books, and party on the weekends so net/net you come out ahead.
Just to note - he's likely making somewhere between $300k and 400k in cash comp. The compensation difference is incredibly material. Going to a corporate likely represents an after-tax paycut of anywhere from $50k to 100k (assuming a cash comp of $150k to 200k on the high end). That may wipe out up to 80% of the amount he was saving previously, especially in NY or another HCOL area.
There are many non investing jobs people can take at PE firms such as IR, operating, strategy, product management, private wealth, etc that still make good money. Not sure why more people who get sick of investing seats don’t consider them when they already work in the industry.
He's miserable making $400k, so obviously the money isn't solving his problems...
Just curious:
Would you rather be making $400k and sad, stressed out, and mentally unwell with no life
or
Would you rather be making $150k, happy, and have room at a new company to grow/get promoted over the next 30 years?
Don't have much to add, just want to wish you best of luck OP.
Begin looking to leave immediately. Long term success in PE is almost exclusively a product of meshing culturally with your team, having upward mobility, and not burning out. You’re financially better off doing 20 years in LMM than burning out in MF after 2 years.
This is a multi decade career and one bad job that causes you to become cynical or burn out can absolutely derail any possibility of longevity in this industry.
PE is an industry where the culture and experience is set almost exclusively by the senior most partners and no junior employee has any real material ability to fix a bad situation.
I feel you, sir. Was in your shoes quite a while ago, decided to go back to school (MBA) at a B-tier school on a full-ride scholarship (got upper hand in those programs coming from a PE buyout seat) with prospect to move geographies. In my case, I don't see it to be getting better. As a non-traditional hire, I accept that these MF people just can't see me the same level and that's the core issue.
I remembered waking up everyday with dread of 'what's next that they gonna do to me', and kept on asking myself if this is all life is all about. My team has negative remarks on how MBA is 'useless' and didn't think school I'm going is good enough. But you know what? They can say whatever with their miserable lives. They're so miserable that prestige is all they have. I started the program absolutely mentally crushed, but now a year later, I regained my self esteem, and experienced personal growth that was neglected for many years chasing that prestigious post. The experience itself undeniably gave me PTSD that I'm still slowly recovering from.
Now I'm learning things beyond buyouts and the latest trends in business such as sustainability, AI, etc. I felt less cynical day by day, and learnt to feel the joys in life. I learnt to make genuine friendships, host house party, learn to collaborate in teams healthily, just doing positive things that makes me feel fulfilled in general. I learned that as long as I take ego out of the equation, life will be okay.
I do have some moments of regret, but once out, you'll realize that there are many paths to success that is outside of IB & PE. I felt this break also kinda broaden my horizons, so even if I were to go back to the same industry, I'll be dealing with the situation with better wisdom.
I think the biggest issue here is that you’re being a little bitch.
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