How do you split expenses with your partner?

Pay proportionally. I.e., if you’re making 5x, pay for her 4/5 of the meal, 4/5 of the vacation, 4/5 of rent. This rule especially applies when you want to spend on luxurious goods like an above avg apartment or meal.

Before we moved in together, I paid for most dates in the first few months (she always offered to split, which I loved, but I always paid except for one or two times I let her get it). After a few months for the next few years, always 50/50.
 

Now that we live together, we split based on base salary (ie, if I make 150 and she makes 100 we split 60/40) - I have a large bonus and she has large commissions / equity (tech sales), so at the end of the year, whoever does better (usually me, but she’s beaten me before) usually treats the other to a shared ski trip or a Michelin star dinner and spa day or something

If she just graduated I'd give her a month or two to get her feet under her before having a serious conversation about it - the first few months her expenses will probably be all over the place as she gets settled. Just throw in at the right time that you'd like to discuss how you guys might split expenses so she has a heads up, but don't have the whole convo her first week on the job. Maybe plan a "home" date down the road - you guys can cook dinner and then sit down and discuss how you'd split it.

That said, I'd split roughly along the lines of your comp - 4/5 and 1/5. If she works a 9-5 and you work PE hours, presumably she helps out around the house more which does make up some of the difference. 

I say this 100% unironically:

1. how attractive is she?

2. is she marriage material?

There's your answer on how you go about this

Proportional.  And encourage them to max their retirement if they’re open and not starving artists. 

If they aren’t interested in saving for themselves/paying down debts , that’s a sign. So plan accordingly. 
 

Pay 100% of any extravagant stuff you’re doing she’s not strictly into. Charters, insane dinners. Stupid hotels suites.  Bc it keeps some of the magic alive. 
 

This is sick so I should just quit work a joke job and just find a rich partner and split proportionally 

I do agree with everyone else, equity (as opposed to equality) is the way to go. Out of 5 meals out, you'd normally pay for 3 or 4. Same ratio would apply to rent and utilities! When it comes to bringing up the topic, you two have been together for a while, so there's no shame in telling her you'd like to talk about your shared finances. You could tell her how she'd feel about paying 1/5 (for example) of the expenses and then just let the conversation flow. Best of luck!

My SO's all-in is about 1/3 of mine but our salaries are fairly similar. For large expenses (rent, travel, major purchases), we talk about what she is comfortable paying and I cover the rest. It usually ends up anywhere from 50/50 to a proportional split. Smaller purchases are typically 50/50 and we rotate on who covers meals/ubers, with me paying for the more expensive ones. 

She doesn't have expensive tastes and knows how to find a good deal, so I pretty much get to decide if we stay on a budget or live a nicer lifestyle. Like I wanted a nicer apartment so I contribute more than my proportional share of the rent, but we can also split a weekend trip 50/50 if we agree to travel on a budget. 

The problem with these types of questions is that we all know you already know the answer and are just looking to vent / commiserate / have an outlet for your anxiety.

You’re hoping that once she starts working she will come to you and say thanks for always paying for me the last two years. Now that I am earning I would like to contribute financially to the relationship, commensurate with the percentage I earn compared to you.

But you’re afraid she will never mention money and will quietly let you continue to pay for everything, and you’ll know deep down she might just see you as a ticket to a comfy housewife life.

This is why I tell everyone to just date rich girls who can have their family pay or can earn for themselves. It’s so much healthier when the relationship is a true partnership.

Sure, it’s a little harder to find hot chick that meets the above criteria, but if you live in a tier 1 city they are all over.

Your key assumption is your earning potential will keep rising over time (which it may). But how many people on here pivot later in their careers. 
You are in a career you could be laid off tomorrow and seek a job that takes 6 months-1 year as a sr associate . Now the new job maybe you triple your compensation. 
But for 6 months do you really want to dip into all your savings or lower your standards of living?

50/50 until you're married unless the expenses are large such as rent, super vacation, etc. Once you're married it won't matter but don't give a free ride until then… just my advice from someone in their late 20s who has wasted a lot of money on “the wrong ones”

I'm in IB and my gf is a lawyer. When we moved in together we split everything 50/50 and got a joint credit card for common expenses. We're not too fussed about having a joint bank account and are free to spend our personal earnings on what we want as long as purchases aren't too egregious so that we're saving towards our mutual life goals.

When we moved in, however, I was at an MM bank and our income was quite similar. I've since moved to a BB and earn quite a bit more than her if you consider the bonus. She brought up a few times jokingly that we should pay proportionately for things but our lifestyle and spending hasn't changed since I switched jobs and my extra savings would go to a mutual benefit (house, car, investment property etc) so we're keeping it even for now. I do see a situation where if I wanted a car or to move to a bigger condo which would be affordable because of my income then it may make sense to split rent proportionally but we're not at that stage yet.TLDR: date a high income earner who likes to be an independent woman and split the bills evenly

I'd say we're at different stages in life, but for context I work in PE and husband does software engineering. My comp is 3x his (excluding the carry; way higher than that if you include carry). Before we got married, I told him I want our accounts to be 100% common. He fought me about it, saying like: what if we put 80% in common accounts and the rest kept to ourselves in case I want to buy something you don't approve of? My reaction was that if he wants to buy shit I don't approve of, we've got bigger problems. It was also at a time when I was heading to business school so was about to be burning cash whereas he still had decent comp. He grumbled about it but now he's 200% happy with the full common accounts... I don't police his buying, he bought himself a new graphics card and is stalking a PS5 no problem, but I would get majorly pissed if he bought a motorbike or something like that.  

As for you and your girl, I chatted with a friend of mine about something that's a bit more similar. Like me, he makes way more than her. He is now considering buying a house but she would like to be on the deed, he's wondering whether to allow that. I said that the intention is more important than anything: is she saying that she will contribute? Is she excited about being equal partners or at least equitable partners? If she's demanding to be on the deed but isn't saying that she'll contribute xxx to the mortgage (him providing the downpayment), then that's a big red flag to me, esp. as you think about down the line. You buy a house and build a life with someone who is going to be wife/husband, and you have to see them there for the long term. My husband knew when I went for the MBA that it was an investment and I wasn't ever looking to be someone's kept woman. 

Spend some time thinking thoroughly about what kind of man you want to be and marriage (assuming that's your end goal) you want to have.

There isn't a wrong answer. What works for you, works for you. 

From what I've observed, issues arise not because someone said something and didn't get it, but because they didn't say something and thus never got it.

In other words, any misalignment between what you actually feel in your inner dialogue and what you've vocalized tends to be more harmful to your relationship happiness than a gap between preferences you've vocalized and what you end up landing on with your partner.

There are two ways this misalignment can happen.

One is obvious: you know what you want and for whatever reason don't state it. The other is less obvious: you don't actually know what you want, so by default, you can't possibly articulate it. I've found that latter one generally doesn't look like 'I have no idea and therefore can't speak at all'; it can be speaking confidently but perhaps without knowing it, off-base.

A great visual analogy is the 1 in 60 rule in aviation: every one degree of inaccuracy will place you one mile off target over a distance of 60 nautical miles.

So I encourage you to reflect inward on what will actually be fulfilling to you.

• Do you want your wife to not work? You can see how going really far down a road of expense mapping, proportionality calculation, and joint account creation is both irrelevant and actually harmful because of the inaccurate bearing you're following. You want a helicopter, but you're blueprinting for a tandem bike.
• Do you want a meaningful measure of autonomy over your respective incomes for life? Talking about joint credit cards and a shared checking account is setting you up for inevitable friction because you're surrendering the very principle you prioritize the most.

You'd be surprised how far honesty will take you in any conversation. People generally don't give it, so getting it is immediately noticeable and refreshing. Talk about the life you want and why. Do it in the most vivid language you can use, and in a spirit of openness and acceptance.

If you're not honest, you can't ever get honesty from your girlfriend, fiance, or wife.

My second point would be about timeline. With honesty, you can then step into a mutual planning conversation about a future that works for both of you. If you want her to stay at home, what's the sequence of steps toward that goal? Does she work for four years because you want to finish your private equity associate stint, do an MBA, and take your senior associate role before beginning to try for kids? Do you want her to move with you to school, and therefore her role during those four years is less about maximizing income relative to the flexibility around your career?

These aren't easy questions, which is why you need to think deeply about what matters to you. When you're able to communicate in a spirit of transparency and partnership, it's possible to get to a deeper level where you're both sharing about unspoken goals, assumptions, or fears.

In that hypothetical scenario above, you might be able to sit down and point out that you're making $350k this year, $400k next year, and for certain firms you're targeting out of school, $500-550k in your senior associate years. You can map a budget (taxes, housing, fixed recurring non-discretionary, savings, discretionary) for each of those years reflective of her income. She might voice a concern about losing financial independence and becoming reliant on you. You could discuss a system for common accounts with direct deposit, shared passwords for bank and investment accounts, budget line items for no-questions-asked discretionary spending for both of you (even when you're a single-income family), and so on.

My point is that whatever you want, you should identify it, then own it. I've found that women value my frankness and appreciate the clarity it allows in the relationship. 

This post got long, so I'll leave my own practices out. 

Here are some books I read when I was younger that may be helpful. 

• Jeff Opdyke wrote the "Love and Money" series at the WSJ for years, then authored a book called "Financially Ever After: The Couples' Guide to Managing Money"
• "The Couple's Guide to Financial Compatibility"
• "Smart Couples Finish Rich" (looks like there's a revised version out)