Kids as a PE Associate?

Everyone makes different decisions in life and I respect that, but having nannies and/or au pairs raising your kids for their first, likely most developmentally influential years of their lives seems wildly selfish to me.

Have seen other people in this similar situation. They typically get a nanny. Increases the cost for sure, but it allows both of you to continue running hard at your career without making any sacrifices. 

bump

average child age is late 30s early 40s

is this age for the man or the woman

Nothing wrong with having kids later in life unless there is a real medical reason. Freeze your eggs and enjoy life.

My wife and I are in our mid-late 30s. We had our first a year ago. Kid(s) would not be doable as Associate if the goal is PE partner.

We also do not subscribe to relying completely on nannies.

What year associate are you? How long is your program? What are your typical hours? What feedback have you received (promotion path, standing within class, etc.)?

I am going to give you my experience as a woman who is currently about to pop with the second kid, while the first is about 2.5 years old. I am VP/Senior Associate (not sure what the correct title is; basically the step after the first 2-3 years) in my fund now, 5 years in.

I regret having my kid before Principal, which is the level at which my firm "commits" to you officially.

And I think as a result of the fact that I took time off in 2021 when the market was hot, I missed out on deal experience which has delayed my promotion for 1 if not 2 years, with a question mark whether it will ever happen and needing to potentially look for a new gig after this second (and last) maternity leave. I love my firm and would love to stay but I think I missed the wave unfortunately. I had the first kid because my husband was rabid about having kids sooner than later and I'd already delayed him by about a year, then we had some (pretty overcome-able) fertility issues. 

It makes a world of a difference to feel at peace with your place in the team, and I'd argue it completely outweighs the downside of taking time off when you're more senior. You are much more in control of your time then to be honest.   

Are neither of you willing to be a stay at home parent? Given you don't rely on the income. Relying on nannies to raise the kids could be detrimental to their development

Speaking from experience, it will have an impact on your career no matter what. You simply just have less time in the day than your counterparts in a job that priorities time commitment and effort above all else, especially at the junior levels (Associate + VP years). However, it becomes easier from an hours standpoint once you get into the senior levels as you’re judged more on investment performance, relationships, sourcing capability, etc. That’s why most people in the industry tend to have kids later, but to be honest, I think it’s a little sad to plan your life around promotion cycles vs. when you feel ready to have kids with your significant other. 

Many people decide to leave the industry after having kids out of self selection. You may not realize it now, but once you have kids, the happiness equation changes and your priorities go from chasing the next promotion to finding a job with WLB to not miss important moments of your child’s life. 

Separately, I am very interested in hearing why you both are so set on continuing to work in this extremely demanding job (as someone that did the top IB + top PE lifestyle) especially if you have family situations that doesn’t necessarily require you keep bringing in the same level of income to maintain your lifestyle (ie rich / wealthy). I get that these jobs are high level interesting at the Partner level but why subject yourselves to the grind and sacrifice for the golden years of your life if you already come from a rich family. I’m obviously speaking from a different point of view as this path was the only way to become “well off” for me personally, but I would never choose IB / PE if I was independently wealthy. I’m not trying to argue for one way or another but just curious. The PE job kinda sucks no matter how you think about it between the CYA analyses, VDRs, lost auctions, deal sprints, legal docs, fund flows, IC materials, conferences / sourcing, etc.

I’m just cracking up at all the incels trying to digest that dual working parents raised two very successful kids who happen to be top of their class (which happens to include a girl as well) in both banking and PE and also managed to get married (and have money). Mind blown. They just haven’t met enough successful people from northeast suburbs (cause surely they are from Houston or something). 
 

On actual topics - seems easier for principal / junior partners as others said. Less dealing with actual grind work in evening and you can always have VPs or partners cover either end once the track has been set and you have a good rep. 

Go to bschool and time it so you have your first kid there. Will give you a stable career “break” to have your kid and get through the first 2 years without slowing down your career progression. If you’re truly committed to this career path, the cost of MBA won’t matter in the long term and if you decide to take a career break later on to be a SAHM or have another kid, you’ll have the credential of an MBA to fall back on when trying to re-enter the workforce after a few years. 
 

FWIW - a decent number of people do this at H/S/W (they literally have a “parents club” for students with kids and HBS has a daycare on premise), so you won’t be alone and will have other new parents to socialize with vs. being the sole new parent associate at your firm.

As a side note - I would have your husband validate his paternity leave policy. At the firms I’ve worked at, new dads (VP level) are back in the office the next day after their wives gives birth. The most generous time off for paternity leave I’ve seen is 2 weeks. 

Father of a toddler with a second on the way here. I’m disturbed at how irrevocably fucked gen-z is from reading posts like this.

Kid on the way. I just can’t wrap my mind around being comfortable outsourcing the early development of my child. Not that it can’t be done (and done well enough) but the bond between parent and child is formed in the first few weeks to months and to just voluntarily want to miss out on that is hard for me to fathom. This doesn’t speak to wanting someone else to raise your kid when they’re a literal sponge either. I do approach it from a religious view too though.

And to be clear I’m not saying that you need to give up your career and stay at home to raise babies - not at all, my wife runs her own business and is growing it pretty significantly so after she takes a couple weeks off she will be back at it but she also is going to carve out a significant amount of time to spend with our kid after she goes back too.

Look anon view here but I’d wait until you like actually want to have a kid. And if that’s never then don’t force it, kids are supposed to be a joy not just a burden so if they’re not your vibe then don’t have any.

Mid-level PE investment professional at a UMM/MF with 2 young kids. I already had my eldest when I went for my MBA and now am blessed with another, so have experienced a fair portion of my junior/mid level finance career with a family.

Firstly, please don't rationalize the potential career impact of having kids with the fact that you may end up having playdates with your seniors. That is utterly bizarre mental gymnastics and chances are if your bosses are remotely normal they would probably smell the desperation and avoid you like the plague in any case.

Similarly, neither parent wants to give up their career - which is fine, makes a lot of sense. My wife was also like that until our first was born, and then the thought of going back to work and leaving the baby became extremely difficult for her (as well as for me of course, but we made the joint decision to index more heavily on my career, despite us both working in finance). Some parents manage that better than others, but I can tell you that it was heartbreaking having to settle my daughter into daycare when she was little, and we put it off as long as possible. You may think it's very easy to outsource childcare etc., but I can promise you that unless you are neurodivergent and/or a sociopath, which may well be the case judging by this post, you will miss your child. Anyone who doesn't find that decision difficult and out of necessity should not be having kids.

Which brings me on to my next point - as others have said, you are already rich. Why on earth would you subject yourself to this dogshit life of grinding in IB/PE, which does NOT get better as you get more senior, given my fund heads spend about 2/3 of their time on the road and joining calls at 3am? I am doing this because I do not come from wealth. I would LOVE to work a more relaxed job with no financial pressure and spend more time with my family. You are still an associate; perhaps you cannot see the wood from the trees. But I can assure you, there is very, very little meaning in what we do, and a whole lot of meaning in shaping your child's life. Kids do not care about things, or money, or status, or playdates with your seniors kids (I still can't get over this) - they just want your time. You clearly acknowledge your privilege, so why not take advantage of it?

Your post suggests a lack of maturity which makes me feel like you are not ready for this step. When you have kids, EVERYTHING changes. Literally everything. It will put a strain on your job, it may well put a strain on your marriage, especially if both parents are in very time-demanding careers. My point is that for most people who reach the decision to have kids, they are able to be pragmatic and shift priorities to accommodate their family. That may mean one parent taking a temporary or permanent step back from work, moving closer to grandparents, hiring a nanny or whatever. Just because your childhood was a certain way, does not mean that when you child will be born that you will want the same for them. You just don't know how you will feel until you are there. Please wait until you aren't worried about the points in your post before you have kids. The one sensible thing you said and which I do believe makes sense, is that kids require a lot of energy - I'm glad I had mine when I did, and am often one of the younger dads in school, but I simply cannot imagine doing this in my 40s/50s.

Lastly, I am proof it can be done, and know many peers (male and female) who have also done and are doing it. I kept working full time in PE during a top full time MBA program (I had to to pay fees / make ends meet - thankful for covid and remote classes), with a baby, sharing childcare responsibilities with my wife who worked in MO at a BB, with the help of a (part time) helper to help us with cleaning etc. Everyone figures it out, and if you are as top a performer as you say, you will be accommodated for. It is not the 1920's. If not, there are countless firms that will.

You have no idea what you would be missing out on because you never experienced it with your parents.

Didn’t know robots could have kids 

The first five years of human development are the most formative years of a persons life from a brain development perspective (not kidding look it up). If you want to have a meaningful positive impression on your child you need to be around for those 5 years. After that you can take your foot off the pedal a bit, but that is not super conducive to a PE career.

13 y/o just graduated from top tier MS majoring in crayons and English class

It's a shame OP felt the need to nuke their already anonymous account. This thread could've been a good learning opportunity for up and coming ASOs.

My son was born 3 months before I started my PE gig.. took some time to figure out when exactly I could align my time with his time but it was seamless post.. (basically 10 pm - midnight) was perfect.. my daughter was born when I was a VP and it was of course much easier.. 

like everything else regarding work life balance it’s about finding quality time slots and ensure there is enough child support at home.. (much easier in Asia)