My girlfriend won’t let us rent out our home for my career
Long story short, I bought a property with my long term girlfriend (which I know, never ends well). We love each other, planned to get engaged, raise children. However, my career had taken a turn. I was a junior VP in PE (newly minted) before leaving to try something new about a year and a half ago. She is also in a high paid career.
I’ve been trying to get back into PE and there is an opportunity but it would mean I would live 3 hours apart. It’s currently a pay cut to my current salary, but it safe guards my future as it would allow me to do corporate dev / in-house, in the future whereas my current industry has no transferable skill outside that specific industry.
She’s supported me over the last 12 months and has been my rock as my current job has completely wrecked my mental health, but she is unwilling to rent out a room in our 3 bedroom property to help fund me getting a place so that I could pursue PE again. I totally understand that she would have to live with this person and that it’s a major inconvenience.
We are talking about parting ways. Is she being unreasonable? I’ve even given her a 2 year timeline that I’d be back after a few reps as a VP.
Unless it has its own entrance and no access to shared space, you’re the one being unreasonable.
Sounds like she’s already given up a lot to support you and asking her to live solo alongside a stranger while you’re across the state/region is ridiculous.
Sell the property altogether to fund everything or find a job closer. This girl has done enough, doesn’t need her safety and wellbeing at-risk now too.
100% agreed.
This
It sounds like you're in a tough spot, balancing career aspirations, financial considerations, and a significant relationship. Based on the most helpful WSO content, here are some insights and perspectives to consider:
Career vs. Relationship Trade-offs: Managing personal relationships alongside demanding careers is a recurring theme in high-finance discussions. Many professionals in PE and IB have faced similar dilemmas. As highlighted in threads like "Q&A: Buyside Women," relationships often require negotiation and compromise, especially when both partners are career-driven. It's not uncommon for couples to make sacrifices for each other's careers, but it requires mutual agreement and shared goals.
Financial and Living Arrangements: Renting out a room in your shared property is a practical solution, but it also comes with emotional and logistical challenges. From the WSO threads, it's clear that living arrangements can strain relationships, especially when one partner feels their comfort or privacy is being compromised. Her reluctance might stem from a desire to maintain her personal space and routine, which is valid, even if it conflicts with your career needs.
Long-term Vision: Your two-year timeline is a reasonable compromise, but it seems like the core issue might be deeper—whether both of you share the same long-term vision for your lives together. As seen in threads like "Married Before or During First Year of Analyst Stint," relocating or making sacrifices for a partner's career can be emotionally taxing, especially if the other partner feels their needs aren't being prioritized.
Communication and Counseling: Couples therapy or open discussions with a neutral third party could help bridge the gap. As mentioned in "Q&A: Buyside Women," seeking professional help to navigate relationship challenges is a sign of commitment, not weakness. It might help both of you articulate your needs and find a middle ground.
Ultimately, whether she's being "unreasonable" depends on perspective. From her side, she might feel she's already supported you significantly and is now being asked to compromise further. From your side, this opportunity is critical for your career and mental health, and her refusal might feel like a lack of support. The key is whether both of you can align on shared goals and find a solution that respects each other's boundaries. If not, parting ways might be the best option for both your personal and professional growth.
Sources: Q&A: Buyside women, Best neighborhoods to live WITH GF in NYC (and timing) - 1st year IB Analyst Midtown Summer 2019, Q&A: Buyside women, Is my IB analyst personal budget realistic?, Married Before or During First Year of Analyst Stint
You are the one who needs to be renting out a room from someone else if you want to pursue this opportunity. If renting a spot is the difference between being underwater on the opportunity or not you probably have a spending issue or need to adjust your savings goals for a year.
Very unreasonable to ask a woman to rent out a room to a rando in a house she owns for you.
Don't worry bro I'll move in for you. I don't need my own room though
Are you that dense / don't care about her? I would never let a stranger live with my partner - that's extremely anxiety inducing and candidly, I'd buy her a gun.
most socially aware PE bro
Maybe, just maybe…. The PE game is not for you. Million ways to make money and you’re talking about being 3 hrs away and renting a room out w your gf just to get back to being a VP. A title that is still a mile away from being a partner or getting any real carry. Like at what cost is all this for? Just to say you work in PE again? I just don’t get it, it doesn’t even sound like the pay is that good. This feels like an ego thing. Lil bro just go be great at a job or endeavor closer to your gf and crush doing that thing
Boss you have to remember men and women are not the same. Safety is significantly more important in the decision making process
as somebody who has given up multiple chances of mental health and meaningful relationships for this career, please do some soul searching and stay with this person whom you say is a future wife - you will regret it if you don't
There it is. Choose happiness. Life is not a ledger, get outside, touch some grass, figure out what actually matters and what doesn't.
I love slamming the chick in these scenarios, but you’re the chick in this case.
She should dump your ass.
Leaving PE just to go back a year later in a similar role. Don’t even have enough savings built up that you want your girl to leave with a total random in your house?
You’re a loser dude. Prepare to be dumped shortly.
If Smoke Frog is making sense in a thread, it really means OP is so wrong in his position lol
facts
This is probably the best thing to happen to her. You showed her your true colors before marriage and kids. You made a dumbass decision leaving your VP role and now you are forcing her to pay the price for your fuck up as if she has not sacrificed enough. Let her go find a real man lil boy
Clearly need to rethink your priorities. Doesn't seem like you deserve her...if you're lucky, she won't figure that out before you attempt to salvage.
You've made several key errors here:
1. Buying a house in common with someone with whom you have no legal standing.
2. Asking a female to rent out a room to a stranger, which potentially could compromise her safety.
3. Not doing more work speaking with her and working it out between the two of you, especially since your lives are so financially and personally intertwined already.
4. Coming to Wall Street Oasis to get advice. You think randos on the internet know the nuances of your situation?
I mean, come on, man. This isn't rocket science.
Bro...you seriously want a rando living with who you hope will be the mother of your children? Are you autistic?
Also why in the world are you trying to saddle her with a roommate for your screw up? Look, even if she were willing to bear it (which she is not by your own admission), doesn't mean YOU should make her bear it if you love her
Dudes can be fortunate, smart and hardworking enough to climb to PE VP, and also foolish enough to act like this.
These things rarely go as one plans for them. You are likely not coming back after a 2 year stint, and it might take longer. Might as well ask your folks to pony up if you want extra cash or dip into your savings, if you situation is this bad… but asking your girlfriend to share a living space with someone else is a low blow. How did you even come up with this cockamamie idea?
Further, I am fairly sure that if you broach this topic with your future PE colleagues, you will be treated as a stupid bum with no judgement
My thought exactly when reading this…
If I was your boss at the new place I’d think substantially less of you. It’s just kinda pathetic.
Some of you all are so lacking in common sense / EQ. Read what you typed out and explain how you're comfortable with this.
as every new day shines I keep losing fucking braincells on this website.
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