Boutique Buy Side Job Switch
The Deal That Never Closed
Ethan had dreamed of investment banking since sophomore year. After all the interviews, the online tests, the superday gauntlet—he finally made it. Okay, it wasn’t Goldman. Or JP. Or even a top middle market. It was a boutique. A very boutique.
On his first day, he arrived to find that the office was actually a rented coworking space over a nail salon. The “bank” was the founder, one VP, and now him—the lone analyst. The founder, Barry, had a 1990s banker ponytail and bragged about “deals he almost closed.” The VP had never seen Excel conditional formatting.
“Ethan, I need you to build a model,” Barry demanded. “It’s a roll-up strategy in the waste management industry.”
“Sure—can you send the financials?” Ethan asked hopefully.
“Financials? We haven’t got any yet. Just assume revenue is… like… growing. And EBITDA… positive. Make it hockey stick.”
The days blurred into nights. Ethan learned that deliverables were due “ASAP,” which really meant “four hours ago.” Last-minute comments? Every time. The pitch book changed fonts every other slide because Barry loved “variety.” Ethan cried once in the bathroom—and once in an Uber.
Then came the big client—an industrial machinery company run by a CFO who exclusively communicated in half-sentences and vague grumbles. The firm worked 6 weeks straight on a sale process. Ethan slept under his desk twice, subsisting on stale protein bars and cold brew concentrate.
Finally, a buyer showed interest. A LOI was drafted. The client celebrated. Barry ordered a single pizza for the team and ate six slices himself.
Closing day came. Ethan refreshed his inbox every 30 seconds. Hours passed. The buyer suddenly disappeared—no explanation. Just radio silence. The client screamed, “You told me we had a deal!” and fired the boutique the same afternoon.
The next morning, Barry called an “all-hands.” Everyone fit around one IKEA table.
“We didn’t lose the deal,” Barry announced confidently. “We pre-positioned for future success. Also… payroll might be delayed.”
Ethan stared at the flickering fluorescent light above. He thought about the friends he had at bulge brackets who were in Miami for training. He wondered if they knew what sunlight looked like. He wasn’t sure anymore.
His phone buzzed—another urgent request:
“Need you to redo the entire deck. CFO wants more blue. Due in 1 hour.”
Ethan sighed, rolled up the sleeping bag he now kept beside his chair, and opened PowerPoint.
Bro you are insanely lucky. I’m in a credit position at an IB. My total comp will be 150 if I’m lucky this year. We have our slow months but we don’t take them for granted. 300k total comp for a 50 hour work week, that’s insane
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