Use this one simple trick to find out how boss your fund is:

Every single day prospects flood these forums, seeking each other's sophomoric opinions on which PE/HF is the best of the best, the most prestigious, the one that will make their middle-school crush regret jilting them at their middle school winter mixer. Well folks, I think I've discerned the simplest, easiest way to determine how "boss" your fund is. This is no indication of preferable pay, carry, culture. No, this is simply whether or not your fund is BOSS. Here it is:

Pose the question: do the Libs like my firm? If yes, unfortunately you are working for a cuck ESG impact fund that only invests in start-ups led by black trannies. If the Libs don't like your firm, then congrats, it's BOSS. How do you find answers to this question?

A good place to start is Google reviews. Every once in a while, a disgruntled, laid-off portco employee, an environmental hack, or a woman will decide to voice their opinion on a certain firm using the most open of forums: Google reviews. 

One of my favorites is for Hill Path: 1 star

You own 30% of SeaWorld. You are discusting. How's it feel extorting a animal for your greed. Your trash

(author's note: SeaWorld announced a few years ago that they will no longer breed orcas. Can we thank notable ESG investor Scott Ross for such progress?)

Additionally, gender studies majors- turned baristas - turned pseudo-journalists love to write articles on topics about which they no absolutely nothing. They often turn to left-leaning pop-publications (Vox, Jacobin, etc) to decry the money-sucking, vampire, capitalist investors despite truly not understanding a thing about how business or money work. If you ever see an article about the evils of PE, make sure to give the article a scan to make sure your firm shows up (and if it doesn't show up? Then you have a goal to work towards). 

Additionally, there are some specifically anti-investor groups, such as PE Stakeholder and the Hedge Clippers that enjoy blaming investors for everything from global warming to cancer to gender inequality. The publications are laughably inaccurate at worst, a playbook for blooming PE executives at best. 

this is a semi-satirical post, posted from my alt account lest I be MS to oblivion