There I am at Paul’s Casablanca, Friday Night. Just paid $500 at the door and haven’t spoken to a single girl in 16 months. I arrived with my friend who is very similar to me, although he’s in the middle market, and I have a slightly better haircut.
We make our way to the bar and order two soda waters with a lime (gotta stay sober in case my virgin VP needs to see some analysis nobody cares about). Immediately, two hot blondes approach us. “Let me guess, finance?”, they ask. Our eyes light up. Finally. Someone cares about the blood, sweat, and tears I’ve put in the last 7 years of my life to land this prestigious job.
“Haha, yea, guess where?”. They giggle, and you can tell they want it badly, as they reply “Goldman Sachs? We just met someone who manages wealth there”. Oh boy, how will they know my analyst stint at Centerview completely torches this guy?
“Lol, wealth management, that’s funny”. They ask me why that’s funny and I go on a 4 hour rant about why they’re completely unprestigious and their work-life balance is levels below my 3-am nights with similar to banking style work as the team’s bitch.
Once I wrap up, I regain consciousness, only to realize they’ve walked away about 3 hours and 59 minutes ago. The bar is closing. Nobody gives a fuck. Oh well, I walk back to my tiny 50th floor 1 bed apartment (over looking central park btw) that’s somehow $9500 a month. I look in the mirror, shed a tear, and remind myself that the group within a specific firm is still critical.
Stop telling people you work at Goldman and Blackstone without explaining the nuances of what group. I’m in MFPE buyout buddy, I dont care about “credit” or “tactical opportunities”. Get a life loser.
funny but if you wanted this to get traction it needed a “____ is paradise” title. sorry but rules of the game!
What group is paradise
Yes
haaha this guy is funny i laughed
This is fucking hilarious and true.
Imagine throwing away a sure thing
Lmaoo’d at the last line
Fr lol
This is underrated
Golden.
Platinum, even.
Blackstone tac ops sweating bullets right now.
used to be at a wire house and we managed one of the global heads of IB $, dude was worth half of what the FA was and they were both ~55, which I found quite funny given the "prestige" of each role.
Is that true
Whats FA?
Financial advisor, probably
@ All the kids who have "Summer Analyst" at Blackstone without a group specified. Lol we know you're on insurance or real estate secondaries
D1 LinkedIn stalker right here
Associate at Blackstone with the black and white PFP thinking they’re the shit, no dude, you work in secondaries
Lol
you are really clueless even for an intern if you’re taking this post seriously and think there’s any room to think some groups are lesser than others lmao. sounds like self-induced disillusionment to me. you’ll learn as you actually work that nobody cares and anyone who still does after age 25 is coping hard. just do what interests you bc there’s nothing more to the story esp as u get more senior, pay / prestige and otherwise.
Found the direct lending Chicago kid lol
Very well written sir.
Amazing
Superb, friend. Superb!
Beautiful
Perfect timing
Lmaooooooooopo
Paradise
Omg
LMFAOOOOOOOO
This deserves 5000+ bananas
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