Report MD for Inappropriate Email
Hello, as the title suggests I was supposed to intern for a small real estate firm in NY. I had a coffee chat with the MD that heads one of the offices and he extended me a verbal offer. A few weeks of professional exchanges he said that we should get drinks prior to the internship. I said coffee would work to chat about the internship. He emailed me late that night complimenting my appearance in a way that would’ve been acceptable as another 19 year old, but was uncomfortable as a middle aged man while also acknowledge that it was too forward to say. I haven’t responded to his email yet but would it be possible to do something about it? What are the repercussions of doing so? There is no HR department so I can’t reach out there either.
That’s awful, sounds like a total creep to do something like that. The offer was verbal, do you think it was even real or was he trying to sleep with you? I won’t tell you what to do, perhaps some of the more senior people can help you with that but save that email it is evidence of what he did. Personally, don’t think he will try to ruin your life over something like that. He fucked up big with this. Sorry to hear this though. Keep your head up.
That sucks.
If the company is so small that there is no proper HR department I would (being a white male who has dealt with little injustice his entire life) just drop it. It is not worth going to his partners, there's no upside for you only down. Ghost him or tell him off, either way there is little risk of him doing anything that will affect you going forward unless you back him into a corner, then people act erratically.
Unfortunately you'll have to chalk this one up as a life lesson on how much people, in general, suck.
I’d post the email anonymously to twitter or something. Stuff like that can get re-tweeted and spread like wildfire. It won’t ruin him but it will be embarrassing.
The only way people would find out is if he “outs you” which again would be a disaster for him since he’s essentially shaming someone brave enough to come out and share her experience about sexual misconduct
At the same time, I also agree with the other poster who said to drop it. That is a safer route. Not a ton you can do, he didn’t really do anything illegal, he’s just an asshole / scumbag.
Ask him if he can make an intro to someone else in the industry.
let it go. take the internship. learn from the experience. move on.
Poor baby got complimented via email. I mean seriously. Just don't do the internship?
It’s unacceptable you think it’s ok a 40+ old man calls a girl a comment relating to her appearance who’s less than half your age...it’s concerning you still hold a job but it seems like you’re projecting for the girls that rejected you on the job. Stop acting like this behavior is acceptable, because you’re the kind of mindset that make girls feel uncomfortable to work with.
She doesn't even work there. Just don't do the internship.
You’re a clown.
Not in RE industry, but in IB I have seen and heard multiple interns exchange sex for full-time offer willingly that is. This is not uncommon in the banking world unfortunately. Those intern girls are not poor and come from wealthy background too. RE world I can see this happen in a more of a smaller and family controlled firm more often since the HR policy tends to be weaker.
Shitty situation. I think the best advice is to ditch the internship, as difficult as that is. If he’s going to make inappropriate comments like that via email before you even start, I’d imagine that the harassment will only get worse once you start working there.
At bigger established companies with a legitimate HR operation there are other actions you can take, but at a small firm like this I don’t think there’s really anything you can do.
Disgusting, I would show it to his business partners or other higher ups. Personally, if I had someone working with be doing something that obviously wrong, I would want to know about it. Completely wrong of him to offer you a job, then insist you get drinks with him & send you weird emails.
Find a partner or other high-level person at the firm. Show them the email, tell them you aren't interested in the offer. But make it clear it's inappropriate behavior, and while you shouldn't necessarily set out to ruin the guy's life over it, I also wouldn't let him off the hook. If it was something that you would have found acceptable from someone your own age then it couldn't have been too horrible, but it's obviously not a great look and both this guy and the firm (and the world) will be better off for it if people start getting held accountable for this shit.
If you still want the job, say something to him in private. You've been forewarned by the crap behavior and it's unacceptable for it to happen again, but you're also sort of making a Faustian bargain here if you walk into this situation with eyes open, I don't think you get the right to hold him for past actions when your very act of accepting the offer is a tacit acceptance of his behavior, at least in that one instance.
post on linkedln and it can go crazy
This is a textbook situation that comes up in anti-harassment training. If the internship is still interesting... unless you want to play that game (which is entirely your prerogative), just make it clear that you want to keep it professional, and only meet on company property for coffee. It was a good move to turn down a drink and suggest coffee. Take the extra step by keeping any interactions in his office place.
You can make it clear you want to keep it professional by your actions, and not talking about personal details. If he keeps it professional and seems to respect the paradigm you are setting, you can make a decision if you want to work there. It could have been a misunderstanding and an overstep that will never happen again.
Reporting him...as you don't even work there, it pains me to hear talk about trying to find some sort of HR to report this to. As others have said, how would this benefit you? HR's primary role is to protect the company, not a potential intern off the street. The easiest action they could take would be not ensure you are never employed at this company. They are certainly not going to discipline this MD and take you on. So yes, you could take a SJW approach and make this guy look bad over his inappropriate lapse in judgement (we still don't know exactly what he wrote but seems ok for somebody of your age), but better to learn that yes this does occur and to be aware of how to de-escalate and avoid now.
Not defending him obviously, but related to you being fine reading that comment from him someone your age vs his age, another protected class is people +40, if he was your age and made this comment, why would you see that as acceptable?
Sorry to hear this. Really makes you sick to your stomach. Too be honest, the world has changed and times have changed. Women are now able to speak up freely against this harassment. My suggestion is to do nothing right now, but if it continues then document each and every email/text/call, etc. If it becomes unbearable, then report it. This will not impact your career as others have mentioned. When a low level secretary can topple the heads of major firms, trust me you'll be okay. I'd say just let it slide now, for all we know he could just be a kooky dude. For example, I used to work with this Director where women were uncomfortable around him because he would compliment there dresses and clothes frequently. However, one day we had a client meeting and I wore a slim fit suit. He kept talking about my suit and tie selection. He kept complimenting me as well. I began to realize this guy was not a creep, but just had level of interests in fashion. You really never know until you know.
So I am not a lawyer, but have been in managerial jobs in NY so I have to be familiar with the various local/state/federal employment harassment and discrimination laws. I am 99% sure this has to violate labor laws and anti-discrimination laws. You have a right to file a complaint, and honestly, I would encourage it. It is wrong and possibly illegal. I believe you can do this anonymously (look up NYC human rights, as a source of info gathering). Who knows what happens to these complaints, but at least you will have done something.
It's not just about you, its about all the other women who experience this. Sadly, I've heard stories like this for a long time. It is usually these small firms without HR people (he wouldn't be so stupid if he didn't think he would get away with it).
Not sure I would advise you to blast it out publicly on social media, I know that is more common now, but not sure the full ramifications. I do think sharing with other mentors in the region is perfectly okay.
Just know, nothing is your fault, this person is 100% in the wrong. I am truly saddened you had to experience it, it is not right.
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