make your activities more specific and less pedestrian. Rather than "hiking", say "alpine trail-heading" or "mountain summiting".

Make the interviewer want to learn more.

 

Jun instead of June. Sep instead of Sept.

Other than that I don't see any problems with it. Did you qualify for the Candidates program?

 
zenaku:
Jun instead of June. Sep instead of Sept.

Other than that I don't see any problems with it. Did you qualify for the Candidates program?

Or OP can just write it out since he has the space to do so.

Looks solid. The dean's list description is somewhat pointless. As well as the classes you got A's in. If I read that I would think, 'those are the only classes you got A's in?'

 
Best Response

Agree with Hansen, I'm really not a fan of that "with an A in..." line. Looks like shit first of all, and also makes it sound like you got As in some pretty weak-ass classes to begin with.

I like the work experience...but fix the Tech skills section, do something about that "MS Excel, MS PowerPoint, MS Word". I would just take that out entirely.

Under my tutelage, you will grow from boys to men. From men into gladiators. And from gladiators into SWANSONS.
 

Thanks a lot guys for the replies...really helpful.

Addressing the comments in order...

Zenaku: I'll fix the months... I just feel weird writing Jun instead of June (feels like a typo to me). I may consider just writing the entire month out....June...September..etc. I don't know if I qualified for the candidates...didn't get any email about it.

akptech: I don't go to UCLA. I go to an actual non target.Thanks for the catch on listing bowling twice! I don't really understand your comment about Thomas ONE

Hansen, Flake: The only reason I have the description for the dean's list is to fill out space for my education section since I don't really have any other honors...I think it's pretty pointless too...

Agreed that the "with an A in, ...." looks pretty shitty.. Do you think I should just list it as Relevant Coursework: ? Will probably be about 2 full lines.

Put the MS Office for technical section just to fill out space too....You think I should just get rid of it all together?

Thanks again guys

 

Agree with the month thing, it doesn't really matter space-wise but it does formatting-wise. Need to have everything the same.

Redo your education section. Remove "Academics:", and put your classes under a relevant coursework bullet (with the A stuff taken out). Your GPA should look like this:

Can take out the blah blah blah about Dean's List. If you want just put (3.5+ GPA).

I'd change your IB Analyst title to say Investment Banking Analyst. Also, none of your bullets are in present tense but you are currently doing the job so figure out what to do there.

Keep your spacing on numbers uniform. I see a couple places where you have a space before "mm" and others without a space.

Reword your Project Print bullet, it can be said better. Right now it's a little wordy and unclear.

Take out "corporate" in your Finance Manager bullet #1.

Can you quantify the improved CF predictability?

It may just be razume, but some of your spacing looks off here (looks like a couple words have two spaces in between them). Check that.

Your last Finance Manager bullet is really long and wordy. Find a way to cut it down/improve readability.

Your second IB Analyst job description could not be more vague. It basically says "worked closely with senior MD. Did stuff."

Look at your spacing on third Project Tech bullet.

Project Golf bullet #1 - change it to "incorporating"

PG bullet #2 - What did you generate? Doesn't look like anything to me.

Good job quantifying membership growth for finance association.

"Built and developed strong relationships with local finance firms and alumnus" - you developed strong relationships with one person? Do you mean alumni?

"numerous internship opportunities" - for who? your members? yourself?

Take out "the" before Alumni Networking Program and "a program" after it.

Take out "the" before "Name of Campaign" campaign. Elaborate a little on this, sounds cool.

I hope you have a specific name actually mentioned in your resume for your collaborative event. Large-scale? Give a real number here.

need to put an "in" between resulted and strong.

Investment Banking Seminar? What is that?

Take all the MS stuff off.

I think your interests are fine personally, as someone said before bowling is on there twice and koi really looks out of place.

MM IB -> Corporate Development -> Strategic Finance
 

Dude, did you go to that seminar last week?! Me too.

"Have you ever tried to use a chain with 3 weak links? I have, and now I no longer own an arctic wolf." -Dwight Schrute
 

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