M B A Is Paradise

As you look towards your monitor at the 3am Teams message asking you to spin another round of comments, you can't help but grin. Within a week, you'll be leaving the desk for [insert M7 school] to pursue the highest of all business honors: your MBA. Your VP told you that "an MBA is just a waste of time" and your Senior Associate said "they wouldn't waste $200k on a two-year party", but you know better. You're going to be around some of the top minds in business, learning, growing and pursuing a career outside of Investment Banking - safe to say, they're just jealous.

The week before your program starts, you are in Cancun with about half of your incoming class. You look to the smokeshows in skimpy bikinis to your left and right. They... don't go to school with you, but the girls who do aren't half bad looking either. As "Pepas" plays for the 13th time, you take another shot with Manuel, who is in your cohort and smile - this is going to be a blast. 

Fast forward a few months, and you are midway through your core curriculum. You didn't imagine that you could be working 80+ hours a week during your MBA, but between classes, finishing group work for your lazy teammates, recruiting events, and networking events that aren't mandatory but feel like they are, you're pretty damn tired. But hey, at least a good chunk of it is drinking with your classmates. It's amazing that this counts as career growth, you think to yourself as you sign up for your 44th happy hour of the semester. 

Going through your first set of finals, you realize why MBA Associates caught a lot of flack at your bank. It's literally impossible to fail these tests, you think to yourself as you ChatGPT another answer to your operations exam. Sure, some of your classmates might fail, but those are the nepo-babies who didn't even try. The "top minds in business" thought you had before you started the program has all but evaporated from your lexicon at this point. 

After securing a solid internship at a Middle Market PE shop for the summer, you've returned for your second-year of the program. They needed someone to start immediately, so unfortunately they weren't able to give you a return offer. It seems a bit silly that you have to return for this second-year, but you're sure that your elective classes with prestigious, high-regarded professors will be well worth the extra time. 

In meeting with one of those professors, you realize that his thoughts on the MBA are pretty consistent with your VP and Senior Associates. "I spent my entire career at GS, MS, and Evercore" he mentions as you chat over coffee, "and I've never found an MBA who knew as much as someone who stayed on the job for that same amount of time."

You chuckle nervously at his comment, "but you think the MBA is worth it, right?"

"Only because we make it out to be bud, only because we make it out to be", he replies with a grin. 

Thankfully, that professor is something of a dinosaur. He doesn't know what he's really talking about, you say to yourself. You're so close with so many of your classmates who are going to McKinsey, Goldman, Google and other top firms. Those connections will propel you to the top as you head into PE and then entrepreneurship through acquisition in the long run - you know it. 

It's now April of your second-year. Your recruiting journey has largely failed, mostly due to an impending recession and turmoil in the market. "No shops are willing to hire right now", your career center rep tells you as you gnaw through your fingernails, "but someone like you has the perfect resume to head back into banking - we just received a request to put out this full-time Associate role at FT Partners." 

"Sure, I'll apply", you say in a daze. Well, at least you'll be headed to Miami post-graduation for one last hurrah with your classmates. 

As you land in Miami, you can't help but reminisce on the last few years. You've made countless friends, learned that what one business school professor teaches another will contradict, and have destroyed 85% of your liver. You push that thought to the back of your mind and head to Club Space for a final 7am night with your classmates. As you hit the dance floor, your phone rings, notifying you that your contract for a full-time Associate role with FT partners is available for signing. You hold up your drink, and as the strobe lights hit it in just the right way you look at your best bud Manuel and smile: The MBA is paradise.