M B A Is Paradise
As you look towards your monitor at the 3am Teams message asking you to spin another round of comments, you can't help but grin. Within a week, you'll be leaving the desk for [insert M7 school] to pursue the highest of all business honors: your MBA. Your VP told you that "an MBA is just a waste of time" and your Senior Associate said "they wouldn't waste $200k on a two-year party", but you know better. You're going to be around some of the top minds in business, learning, growing and pursuing a career outside of Investment Banking - safe to say, they're just jealous.
The week before your program starts, you are in Cancun with about half of your incoming class. You look to the smokeshows in skimpy bikinis to your left and right. They... don't go to school with you, but the girls who do aren't half bad looking either. As "Pepas" plays for the 13th time, you take another shot with Manuel, who is in your cohort and smile - this is going to be a blast.
Fast forward a few months, and you are midway through your core curriculum. You didn't imagine that you could be working 80+ hours a week during your MBA, but between classes, finishing group work for your lazy teammates, recruiting events, and networking events that aren't mandatory but feel like they are, you're pretty damn tired. But hey, at least a good chunk of it is drinking with your classmates. It's amazing that this counts as career growth, you think to yourself as you sign up for your 44th happy hour of the semester.
Going through your first set of finals, you realize why MBA Associates caught a lot of flack at your bank. It's literally impossible to fail these tests, you think to yourself as you ChatGPT another answer to your operations exam. Sure, some of your classmates might fail, but those are the nepo-babies who didn't even try. The "top minds in business" thought you had before you started the program has all but evaporated from your lexicon at this point.
After securing a solid internship at a Middle Market PE shop for the summer, you've returned for your second-year of the program. They needed someone to start immediately, so unfortunately they weren't able to give you a return offer. It seems a bit silly that you have to return for this second-year, but you're sure that your elective classes with prestigious, high-regarded professors will be well worth the extra time.
In meeting with one of those professors, you realize that his thoughts on the MBA are pretty consistent with your VP and Senior Associates. "I spent my entire career at GS, MS, and Evercore" he mentions as you chat over coffee, "and I've never found an MBA who knew as much as someone who stayed on the job for that same amount of time."
You chuckle nervously at his comment, "but you think the MBA is worth it, right?"
"Only because we make it out to be bud, only because we make it out to be", he replies with a grin.
Thankfully, that professor is something of a dinosaur. He doesn't know what he's really talking about, you say to yourself. You're so close with so many of your classmates who are going to McKinsey, Goldman, Google and other top firms. Those connections will propel you to the top as you head into PE and then entrepreneurship through acquisition in the long run - you know it.
It's now April of your second-year. Your recruiting journey has largely failed, mostly due to an impending recession and turmoil in the market. "No shops are willing to hire right now", your career center rep tells you as you gnaw through your fingernails, "but someone like you has the perfect resume to head back into banking - we just received a request to put out this full-time Associate role at FT Partners."
"Sure, I'll apply", you say in a daze. Well, at least you'll be headed to Miami post-graduation for one last hurrah with your classmates.
As you land in Miami, you can't help but reminisce on the last few years. You've made countless friends, learned that what one business school professor teaches another will contradict, and have destroyed 85% of your liver. You push that thought to the back of your mind and head to Club Space for a final 7am night with your classmates. As you hit the dance floor, your phone rings, notifying you that your contract for a full-time Associate role with FT partners is available for signing. You hold up your drink, and as the strobe lights hit it in just the right way you look at your best bud Manuel and smile: The MBA is paradise.
This one hits home for me.
Great write up haha
The contract says you have 7 days to sign, but you step out of the party to review it thoroughly before signing that same night. The LAW102 class that you cross enrolled mentioned you should always read the fine print, and your BCOM103 professor always told you the importance of showing enthusiasm. It really does pay to have mastery over the law and business. By the time you get back to the party, you realize Manuel has already boarded his plane back to Peru and the club had closed for the night.
Fast forward 3 months, and you couldn't be more excited for the first day of training. Your TTS instructor is going over the income statement and how NET INCOME is the bottom line. A smile flickers across your face as you realize how much more you appreciate this content now that you've gone to business school. You also realize that the same instructor taught you the same material in your analyst training program 6 years ago. You're sure the MBA Associate advanced training concepts will show up on day 2.
During lunch you start getting to know the other guys in your MBA Associate class. One was a math teacher before school, and another just got out of the navy. A cute girl that also went to an M7 was in internal audit for the last 8 years. They all look at you funny when you mention you worked in IB for 4 years already with multiple closed M&A transactions. I guess the brightest minds in business don't get impressed easily.
But have you seen internal audit in a bikini
Gold and too true.
Haha spot on !
Finally a paradise post that's well done
This paradise post is paradise
As a general rule of thumb I'd avoid going to seniors unless it's really really awful quality work, they will likely just ask you to take care of it yourself.
Not only that but must have been a rock solid resume to go to M7 with only IB analyst experience. All to just end up at FTP lol
uhh... you guys know this is hypothetical and a joke, right...?
I can't wait to externalization my PE recruiting failure by shitting on this on this kid when he joins full time
I want a Harvard MBA just for the bishes
I'm convinced the MBA is just a scheme for alcoholics to get another two years of undisturbed drinking in before the inevitable intervention.
I feel personally attacked
"You look to the smokeshows in skimpy bikinis to your left and right. They... don't go to school with you, but the girls who do aren't half bad looking either"
This part took me out, because its basically true lol.
I can't be the only one who bookmarked all the good paradise posts.
do you mind linking some here?
Sure, here are some of my favorites, not ranked in order. Some paradises are kinda shitty or too short. Although those posts are hilarious, I could see the cynicism in between the lines. The writing style is very similar to Discussion Material By Bill Keenan
"Getting crushed is paradise": https://www.wallstreetoasis.com/forum/investment-banking/getting-crushed-is-paradise
"Data Rooms are paradise": https://www.wallstreetoasis.com/forum/investment-banking/data-rooms-are-paradise
"Big 4 is paradise": https://www.wallstreetoasis.com/forum/investment-banking/big-4-is-paradise
"working 9-5 is paradise": https://www.wallstreetoasis.com/forum/investment-banking/target-is-paradise
"Exit opps are paradise": https://www.wallstreetoasis.com/forum/investment-banking/exit-opps-are-paradise
"EB is paradise": https://www.wallstreetoasis.com/forum/investment-banking/eb-is-paradise
"FT Partners is paradise": https://www.wallstreetoasis.com/forum/investment-banking/ft-partners-is-paradise
"Private Equity is paradise": https://www.wallstreetoasis.com/forum/investment-banking/private-equity-is-paradise
"Hedge Fund is Paradise": https://www.wallstreetoasis.com/forum/investment-banking/hedge-fund-is-paradise
last but now least, our OG
"Investment banking is paradise": https://www.wallstreetoasis.com/forum/investment-banking/investment-banking-is-paradise
This is way too real yo
This is too good!
lol some angry MBA associate keeps throwing MS at people praising the post
Maybe I'll scrap my MBA apps...
This one's too true. MBA friends coming from PE literally do nothing but drink for 2 years (and barely passing their classes), work at a startup/Tech over the summer, realize they hate it / like money, and then go back to PE. It's like a rite of passage at this point. I think most aren't delusional and know exactly what they're doing though.
2 years of doing nothing is pretty fuckin sweet, and honestly finance people like myself are too uncreative to quit their job and do it themselves when there's an established program out there to enable them lmao
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