Bankisms

That's right. All the nonsense that's said.

  1. "We got to dig into the numbers"
  2. "Those logos look blurry to me"
    ...

Provide your best below.

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Comments (48)

Mar 8, 2017

How could I forgot -- most important word in banking: "Illustrative"

    • 6
Best Response
Mar 8, 2017
  1. Sharpen our pencils.
  2. We need to give them a peak under the kimono/skirt.
  3. We have the steak, but need the sizzle.
  4. Guys, we're going pencils down.
  5. Where are we going to be when the music stops?
  6. Ya...you think you can massage these numbers a bit?
  7. We just need a 30,000 foot view [this is always followed by "we need more detail"]
  8. These numbers are really what is giving me heartburn.
  9. I'm going to be out of pocket for a few minutes.
  10. I'm heading home, but I'll be back online in an hour.
  11. We just have too many balls in the air.
  12. They really wanted a turn on the CIM today, but I gave them the Heisman.
  13. I haven't been able to reach Bob by cell. He must be in motion.
  14. You sure these numbers are right? See if you can scrub them a bit.
  15. We just need you to get your blocking and tackling down.
  16. I don't need this PIB printed out, but it'd be great if you could PDF it so that I have it in my back pocket.
  17. I'm not trying to make sausage, but we just need to get some color on this topic.
  18. I'm not trying to pull an all-nighter, but we need to get smart on this topic.
    • 35
Mar 8, 2017

@Sil Love this list:

My top picks:
1. I don't need this PIB printed out, but it'd be great if you could PDF it so I have it in my back pocket.
2. Going pencils down.

Mar 10, 2017

Number 10 is my associates go to...never gets back online though

Mar 8, 2017
  1. This is low hanging fruit
  2. Can you take a first crack at this?
  3. pls
  4. I'm expensing this shit
  5. Can you pop these in the CIM/VDR/Teaser/Model
  6. Let's just spin those numbers out
  7. Just give it to an intern
  8. Fuck me
  9. Fuck this
    • 1
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Mar 8, 2017

You got 'pls' but you're missing 'Thx'

    • 4
Mar 8, 2017
  1. This is a slam dunk
  2. We'd do this deal all day long
  3. I'm quarterbacking this
  4. I wouldn't bet my bonus on it
  5. Juniors, get me coffee

*5 really isn't one, but it is said sometimes lol

    • 1
Mar 9, 2017

"Folks"

"Shouldn't take too long"

"Send the dial in"

"Where are you"

"Let's get a turn of this.."

"Is this complete"

    • 1
Mar 9, 2017

This is a classic:

Might induce PTSD.

    • 6
Mar 9, 2017

"Let's get this ball rolling"

"I need you guys to do a deep dive on this project, later on we circle back and do a post mortem for QA"

"Come on boys it's not rocket science...but you guys can sophisticate this model here a lil bit"

Mar 9, 2017

Exhaustive list: http://www.wallstreetoasis.com/forums/hilarious-ba...
Favorites:

And before you send this to me, make sure to take a step back, get your arms around it, not miss the forest for the trees, and check under the hood - it better hold water

Keep in mind I am in no way wed to this analysis, but this is a two-horse race, and we can't afford to have our heads in the tent. There is no need to recreate the wheel here, but this will be a great learning experience. Let's discuss when you get in.

To get a little more granular here before we press the print button, let's touch base now. (I'll be out of pocket later, so swing by while I'm on the ground.)

Right now, the two companies are feeling less than romantic, but remember, all girls talk. I think they'll eventually give up more than a girl on prom night - our job is to get them across the finish line

Before you sign off, let's not lose sight of the big picture. What's driving all of this is that we could put all the buyers in a Civic and still have spare seats.

    • 1
Mar 9, 2017

"this is a good comp set"

"No need to recreate the wheel"

"tick and tie"

"just a few nits"

"no rush just get this to me by tomorrow"

    • 2
Mar 9, 2017

WSO's COO (Chief Operating Orangutan) | My Linkedin

Mar 9, 2017

wasn't there another one more recent? I remember this, and every time I read them I crack up

Mar 9, 2017

yeah i think there was, only one i could find in 5 seconds of searching

WSO's COO (Chief Operating Orangutan) | My Linkedin

Mar 9, 2017

also what happened to the indent with replies? I liked that a lot, you could actually read a thread and skip past any back and forth you didn't care about

    • 1
Mar 9, 2017

it should be coming back soon, @jgsantos ?

WSO's COO (Chief Operating Orangutan) | My Linkedin

Mar 9, 2017

I was certain this had been done before.

Need to personally create a few more original cliches. I want to be that douche in 10 years when there are younger bankers saying "remember that dumbfuck who kept saying 'let's get more cheese on this macaroni?' What did that even mean??"

    • 8
Mar 14, 2017

This comment deserves more bananas

    • 1
Mar 14, 2017

Thanks, brah.

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Mar 15, 2017
  1. Can you just drop this in? - Powerpoint wedge or updated financials
  2. The Leader / The Leading [blah blah blah] - Every bank or company description, ever
  3. Provide some color - Why do you have to bring color into this?
  4. Guys can we run these 1,768,432 scenarios - Real quick?
  5. High level - But I already know you'll want detail later
  6. Skin in the game - You have no skin in the game, it's zero skin off your back if I pull an all-nighter
  7. Fiduciary duties - Old men covering their assets
  8. Relevant to... - Please limit use to 3 times for every 20 slides, for all of us
  9. Ankle biter - Small bank, dog or client
  10. Dead cat bounce - Deals that are dead, but keep bouncing as if they aren't quite dead yet
  11. Do some digging - Dig you badgers, I mean analysts
  12. Nacent - Because nothing else conveys to me that you're trying to sound smarter than you actually are
  13. Incumbent - Same
  14. Defensive mote - Same
  15. Strategic alternatives - Are there any alternatives that aren't strategic?
  16. S-Y-N-E-R-G-I-E-S - All the synergies, synergies for days
  17. BSD - Ask your dad or your senior what this means; if you have to ask, you don't have it
  18. Circle the wagons - You likely have zero pioneer heritage
  19. Put our heads together - I'd rather not
  20. Take it to the next level - It's easy when you start at zero
  21. Fully utilized - See point 35 because you are a machine, not a person
  22. Tee it up - You likely suck at golf, like the majority of us
  23. Circle back - You don't hunt or hike, nor are you a member of the military
  24. Value add - Doubtful
  25. Piggy back - Awkward
  26. I'm Cranking / I'm Jamming - Another self-imposed fire drill huh? Calm down champ you have 12 hours to do this
  27. Caveat - CYA all day every day
  28. What WE need to do is ... Why don't WE ... And of course Mr. Client, even if you don't need us to, WE will work through the night to get this to you first thing in the morning because you'll give us browning points and hire us - We being you...the analyst/associate
  29. We'll bird dog this on our side - You've never hunted and don't even know what this means
  30. Can't you just refresh the numbers? - It's just F9 right?
  31. I know the data is out there somewhere - Searching the internet for private company financials
  32. We'll push hard to get this one over the goal line - You've never played football
  33. Had an interesting conversation with [insert BS pipeline opportunity with zero chance of success] - Every pipeline update call, ever
  34. Definitely a sprint to the finish - You haven't ran in years, clearly
  35. "You are just a graphic designer with basic arithmetic skills - don't forget it." - Best senior banker troll to an analyst? Possibly.
  36. Bandwidth - Do you have it? Does he/she have it? Not sure who has it
  37. As we go through this exercise - What is this? A military drill? Team building camp?
  38. Going forward - As opposed to going backward?
  39. Revert back - I too like to use redundant things for emphasis, like dumberer
  40. "Could you peruse this real quick?" - You keep using that word. I don't think it means what you think it means

pe-ruse
[email protected]'ro?oz
verb formal
read (something), typically in a thorough or careful way.
"He has spent countless hours in libraries perusing art history books and catalogs"
To examine carefully or at length

  1. "You just need more reps." - Only the incompetent, least value add bankers on the teams say this. You know, the type that gets promoted based on tenure instead of ability ;)

I know we have an internal list somewhere of things senior bankers say, this is only a taste.

    • 12
Mar 10, 2017

I like the commentary associated with each.

Mar 9, 2017

This might be an unpopular opinion, but finance/consulting without using any of these terms would be even more boring than it already is. Be careful what you wish for.

Mar 9, 2017

At my old shop, we used to have a list with points associated with each one. The goal was to see who could rack up the most points in a single phrase and then in aggregate on calls.

Mar 9, 2017

If you can't beat them, join them... I should throw at lease one phrase into the ring: TBU used as all parts of speech. "Could you please TBU these TBU Sections? Bracket them TBU as they are still very TBU. thx" I'm starting to sexually identify as [TBU].

    • 1
Mar 9, 2017

"Threatening to Quit."

Mar 10, 2017

Un-fuck these slides

Mar 10, 2017

From my office

1) We need to do threadbare analysis

2) This slide has no soul

3) This slide is too cluttered/let the slide breathe

4) Why don't you take a first crack at the deck?

5) To the client: We will digest this information and get back to you

Mar 10, 2017

From every RM ever, "This thing cash flows like a rock star"*

*spoiler alert-it does not.

Mar 10, 2017
  1. Transformative acquisition - literally every M&A pitch i have been on has involved one
  2. Just dump the updated numbers from the company into the model and it should be a quick refresh refresh of the output pages
  3. This page needs work / this is not what i had in mind - followed by no commentary about what changes they'd like
Mar 10, 2017
  • We need to provide more color on this
  • How much bandwidth do you have
  • PDF and forward to team
  • don't burn to many calories on this
Mar 10, 2017

"This isn't in our font."

"Fix the font size, I can't read anything in this font."

"Let's lower the font size and up the spacing, I can't read this wall of text."

"Are you sure this is the right font? It looks like Calibri to me."

"Hmm, maybe if we bold it then it will look bigger?"

"This looks weird."

    • 3
Mar 10, 2017

An old favorite --

This deal/transaction has some hair on it.

Mar 10, 2017

"this is market"

    • 1
Mar 11, 2017

"I need you to get granular"

Mar 11, 2017

"Too many cooks in the kitchen."

Mar 11, 2017

"Significant" (adj.)--

  1. When there's nothing there beyond the commonplace / pedestrian / obvious, but we can't say that so let's call it significant.
  2. When there's an interesting trend here, but I'm not a good enough MD to recognize what it is, so I'll just call it significant.

Often appended with may be; close cousin of meaningful

Mar 12, 2017

we have a lot of wood to chop

    • 1
Mar 13, 2017

"Turn around and bend over"

Mar 13, 2017

I forgot one:

"I'm not married to the idea, but..."

So, the MD says this, you change the pie chart or graph, and then the MD ends up insisting on his/her original idea anyway. Love it!

Mar 13, 2017

"What are you a girl or somethin?"

    • 4
Mar 14, 2017

Wow, it feels like everyone works in my office after reading these. My favorite:

"Please swing by"
"Few nits"
"Couple tweaks"
"Can you ping coverage"
"We'll run it up our chain and get back to you"
"Is this done?"
"Guys this needs a lot of work"
"Please refresh and circulate to the larger team"

    • 1
Mar 14, 2017

Please refresh and circulate - classic

    • 1
Mar 15, 2017

"This needs a lot of work" can be painful to get

    • 3
Mar 15, 2017

"Fireside chat"

    • 2
Mar 17, 2017
Mar 16, 2017
Mar 17, 2017