Crazy Stories !?

Was scrolling through the forum and thought it was about time for one of these again... 

What are some bad shit crazy things or just intriguing experiences you have had across your time in investment banking?

Whether it be an intern who had a full-on mental breakdown and told the MD to get the 'fuck out' of the meeting... or a night out which had an interesting twist.

Let's see what you got! [oh, and there are def some stories out there.. so don't be shy]

Comments (78)

 
Dec 8, 2020 - 3:31am

During my IB years we went to a bar/club and after a while we figured out that some in the group are on WSO. but, fearing we would all look up each others posts, we didn't disclose our user names and promised not to do it until we have left the company!

 

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Dec 10, 2020 - 9:51am

well.. is it?

First of all, the story is true. About a third of the group were on WSO (this was a long time ago, I am sure this forum is now more popular).

Second of all, and this is probably still true - people on anonymous forums act/write in a way they would never do IRL. all the misogynistic, racist, and über aggressive comments... come on - nobody would ever say this in actual life. We think that but wouldn't say it out loud.

 

 

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  • Associate 3 in IB - Gen
Dec 8, 2020 - 3:08pm

Several years ago, before I was in IB, I was an associate at a smaller investment fund.  One of the partners was the legal counsel.  Anyway, the fund was celebrating its 10th year anniversary and it was a big bash at the office.  Everyone (except me, because I tend to be pretty conservative about getting drunk at work events) was pretty wasted.  The partner was going around trolling people and he smacked me on the nuts (lightly) a couple times walking by.  So the third time, I kinda dodge and grab him and pretend to tackle him.  Anyway, he comes around for round 4 later so I said 'hey man, last time I almost took you down' as a joke so he said he wanted to wrestle for fun.  The next thing I know, I'm engaged in a grappling match with the guy on the floor and I end up on top...but he keeps going so I take his back and pretend to put a choke on him but don't squeeze and instantly let go.  Apparently this really upset him because he jumped up and took a swing at me before being tackled by other people.  He went home and slept it off and hugged me the next day and apologized....with carpet burn on his face.

 
Dec 8, 2020 - 3:12pm

 

Several years ago, before I was in IB, I was an associate at a smaller investment fund.  One of the partners was the legal counsel.  Anyway, the fund was celebrating its 10th year anniversary and it was a big bash at the office.  Everyone (except me, because I tend to be pretty conservative about getting drunk at work events) was pretty wasted.  The partner was going around trolling people and he smacked me on the nuts (lightly) a couple times walking by.  So the third time, I kinda dodge and grab him and pretend to tackle him.  Anyway, he comes around for round 4 later so I said 'hey man, last time I almost took you down' as a joke so he said he wanted to wrestle for fun.  The next thing I know, I'm engaged in a grappling match with the guy on the floor and I end up on top...but he keeps going so I take his back and pretend to put a choke on him but don't squeeze and instantly let go.  Apparently this really upset him because he jumped up and took a swing at me before being tackled by other people.  He went home and slept it off and hugged me the next day and apologized....with carpet burn on his face.

Now this is a quality story. Glad nothing serious came of it.

 
Funniest
Dec 8, 2020 - 3:22pm

When I was an intern we did an early morning basketball game one time of Analysts/Interns vs Associates and above. One of the frail/pasty interns got dunked on by a former D2 lax player (great flow) and literally never came back from it. He genuinely lost confidence as a human and now works in Risk. Looks to have put on weight too. I hope he's okay.

 
  • Analyst 1 in IB - Gen
Dec 9, 2020 - 6:31pm

What D2 lax school would send someone to IB? Literally can't think of a single one

 
Controversial
  • Analyst 3+ in CorpStrat
Dec 8, 2020 - 3:53pm

I have a few working in an internal strategy team that had a very IB culture.

  • I was preparing a deck for C-suite executive and my boss calls me, tells me to print out the latest version, and walk it over a few blocks to the local private club to deliver it to him. I print out two copies, stuff them in an envelope and head over. I get there and don't see my boss anywhere (I had assumed he was going to be there with exec). I wait around a bit, tell the front desk what I'm doing and they send me up to the fourth floor. I'm lingering outside the door and soon a senior leader shows up. We go in the room, chit chat for a bit before a few other senior folks walk in. I was panicking because I was out of my element, looked terrible and still didn't see the exec. I excuse myself, call my boss back and that's when he drops the bomb that he's at home and won't be there and says just to drop off the deck. I go back in, quickly flip through the deck and realize some chart labels got screwed up. I politely tell the other senior leaders that I have an edit to make and they joke: "wow, you guys really do real-time edits!" I jog back to the office, make the fix, and head back. Luckily, the exec was there so I just hand it to him, nod, and head back to the office. Felt like a total fool. 
  • Analyst on his first day decides to take a lunch, he runs out to a sandwich shop and takes it back to the common area. Our boss walks by, comes over to our desks and goes to the associate and whispers: "hey, do you know where Joe is?" Associate says he doesn't know, and boss goes: "I think, I think he's out there eating lunch. We can't have that." At that very moment, analyst comes walking back in and boss yells: "Hey Joe, were you eating lunch out there? We can't have that! What if [name of exec] came down and saw?" Needless to say, that was the last time he ate lunch at somewhere other than his desk.
  • We had another analyst that was super personable but just couldn't handle the workload. He progressed along for a few months but ended up calling sick one day and worked from home. We had a tough time getting a hold of him all day but he was supposed to send out a report that evening to an internal distribution list (350 people) summarizing some research. We kept asking him about it all day with no word back. Then, all of a sudden, it was in our inbox but the format was ATROCIOUS. I called him and very pointedly asked what was up, he tried defending it but it was clear it wasn't getting through to him. He quit the next day. 
  • Same analyst as prior story was sending a report out to the 350 person distribution list (which we usually sent to ourselves and BCC'd everyone) but somehow he put his MOTHER'S email in the "To" line and blasted it out. I immediately called him out on it and we were cracking up.
  • We were involved with some of the COVID relief back in April and worked some pretty crazy hours getting everything up and running. I kept track and the first week was 90 hours, second 110 and the third was 130 with a literal 28 hour overnighter. Pretty unusual circumstances but was actually a total blast in hindsight.
  • Boss who grew up wealthy and started his career in NYC IB got into a very heated argument with another analyst at a dinner about how it was "impossible" to live in NYC if you were making less than $10mm a year. The analyst plainly points out that millions of people do just that and even only one or two people at our company would therefore even be able to "live" in NYC. Boss wasn't buying it and the conversation lasted at least 30 minutes.
  • This isn't related to work at all but the first week starting with the team, one of the girls told us this crazy experience her roommate just had that day. Apparently the roommate was driving home from work and was passing under a bridge. On the bridge, probably about 70 feet above, two guys were helping change the tire on a woman's car. It is unclear what happened but apparently the two guys ended up falling / jumping off the bridge and fell down to the road below at the exact time the roommate was passing under. She hit them just before they hit the ground and they both instantly died. Absolutely tragic and it took the roommate a while to get over it.      
 
Dec 9, 2020 - 4:44pm

Total blast might be a bit of a stretch but we had hundreds of people at the company rallied around a single cause and everything felt very entrepreneurial. You have to remember, this was back in April when everything was shut down and there was still a lot unknown about COVID, so the fact that we were helping businesses was exciting.  

 
Dec 10, 2020 - 10:22am

 Boss who grew up wealthy and started his career in NYC IB got into a very heated argument with another analyst at a dinner about how it was "impossible" to live in NYC if you were making less than $10mm a year. The analyst plainly points out that millions of people do just that and even only one or two people at our company would therefore even be able to "live" in NYC. Boss wasn't buying it and the conversation lasted at least 30 minutes.

Unpopular Opinion: Even on $10mm a year, I still wouldn't live in New York.

"A man can convince anyone he's somebody else, but never himself."
 
  • Analyst 1 in IB - Ind
Dec 8, 2020 - 6:37pm

The head of HR went to give a high five then switched to a hand shake and I accidentally dabbed her up lmao

 
Dec 8, 2020 - 11:56pm

I once had an MBA associate shut up and not give me any comments. believe it or not, we finished the book in record time and the MD was very impressed. it turns out, being a ghost was beneficial for him as he built considerable clout with the analysts for not creating work but it ultimately bit him in the ass as it became known he did jack shit on projects. he ultimately got fired. I feel for the guy but at the same time had seen this coming for him. also I thought his name was jack for a full year and called him that everyday, only to find out about a year after I left the firm his name was actually brian. he never corrected me all those years ago, might have been a mute now that I think about it

 
Dec 9, 2020 - 7:27am

Back in the day we were fucking with some analysts DCF model that he was proud to create but he clearly needed help with (the junk he is working with wasn't really deal relevant and wouldn't see the light of day, more of a learning experience for him to learn the ins and outs, formatting, etc). This model that the analyst created had like 30 tabs, and my friend got the the bright idea to type "you suck" on row 1048576 col XFD of each tab.

So at like 3am friday im hanging with my buddy and we are at our favorite bodega just eating some sandwhiches hanging out before we call it a night, when this fucking analyst calls us. My buddy ignores the first call, picks up the second and puts it on speaker phone and the analyst immediately starts roaring, just cussing my friend out calling him a son of a bitch, telling him he has been up all night working on this thing trying to reconcile errors (on basically an educational assignment, we learn from him that even though it was for learning there is a pretty important deadline attached to it for some dumb fucking reason), and had been looking all over spinning his wheels because he needed to insert rows and couldnt for the life of him figure out how to do it so he needed to rebuild a significant portion of the model. Eventually by mistake he found the message of "you suck" and just lost his shit and went absolutely nuts on my friend.

We felt really bad and that is why I don't believe in hazing anymore even if it is good natured, but this analyst was a little intense and had a few screws loose. We saw him in the office on saturday and he was absolutely not having it, wasn't joking around and was really in a sore spot about it until I basically self flagellated myself apologizing over and over even though I didn't write the message.

 

We also had a first year on our team that not joke spent a portion of her first year bonus on a boob job. Was hilarious and she even tried to justify it as important for a "client facing role"

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  • Analyst 1 in IB - Gen
Dec 9, 2020 - 1:59pm

Yeah the guy sounds a little intense but I'd also probably lose my shit if I spent all night on a shitty model only to get fucked with. You handled it well tho. The boob job is hilarious LOL

 
Dec 9, 2020 - 3:18pm

Yea he was an overeager top performing type with little common sense and probably had too much of an edge from the addy binge it took him to get through the night, was ready to go absolutely hog wild when he saw us so I wasn't taking any chances lol. Still I did genuinely feel bad even though we were really just goofing with him

The boob job was hysterical too, her nickname "newly minted" was well warranted

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Dec 9, 2020 - 1:27pm

I was an intern at a small investment fund and we had a company wide outing (office in Boston & SF). Well, we went go karting, and at first I thought it was kinda lame. Then I checked out the website for this place and the karts went like 45 mph. We got suited up and sent out in waves. I don't know how I even survived my first race, the SF team had some beef with the Boston team and there was a lot of yellow flags being waved. My MD was also cutting people off left and right, and at one point he spun out around a corner. I really wanted to pass him, because the whole thing was one giant d measuring contest. I made an aggressive move and he tried to block me. I side-swiped this man so hard and he spun around like three times. I hit my head off the race seat and I was seeing stars, and somehow managed to finish (and win) the race. Oddly enough, I think my unwarranted Type A agression impressed him. I've been at the firm ever since.

 
Dec 9, 2020 - 1:32pm

at an east village bar with the trading desk one night after an expensive broker dinner...all blitzed of course...got into a boxing match with the head of my trading desk (we both wrestled in school)...we both got a little bloody and got kicked out of the bar...next morning was like it never happened

 

few weeks later, same group went to the Roberts Steakhouse (also known as the Hustler Club -  45th and 11th) whole desk went into the champagne room after dinner and i watched the 48yr old head of the desk get 6 naked strippers lay on top of him and grind on him...and then he commanded all the younger guys get in there for their turn while throwing coke in the air like spraying a champagne bottle...but...coke

 

we had a chinese princess summer intern who demanded "respect" one day during a volatile trading session and was promptly given the cold shoulder, after which she ran to the bathroom crying and was never seen again

 

then there was a rates sales guy who had a heart attack while sitting at his desk....groups of guys going to Rub'n'Tug massage parlors after entertaining clients at dinner (in korea town)

this was the era of wolf of wall street....midget tossing parties...assistants giving blowjobs on the trading floor (one trader even married the asst who blew him under the desk)....food fights...2004-2007...what a time to be alive

just google it...you're welcome
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  • Analyst 1 in IB - Ind
Dec 9, 2020 - 9:41pm

my dad worked in S&T in the U.K. He was a pretty high up rain/deal maker.....he's told me a fair share of insane stories from pre-regulation days.

 
Dec 9, 2020 - 5:30pm

During Thanksgiving break at my folks house I stole my dad's razor and threw it out at a buddy's house. Needless to say, my ol' man was not having it. Thought my mom took it. Shenanigans. 

 
Dec 9, 2020 - 5:56pm

Once was on a deal for an O&G company in Southeast US during the 2015 downturn. A man had started the company in the 70s and his kids had inherited it. One son was a psycho and the other was a drug addict. In order to nullify the drug addict's ownership, the psycho son paid local police to strap a brick of cocaine underneath the drug addicts car. The psycho son also paid somebody to call in the brick of cocaine to send the addiction son to jail. The local police accomplice eventually came clean and while it was going through court, we had to have multiple board meetings with both the psycho son and a drug addiction son were in the same room together. I honestly thought either one of them were going to pull out a gun at any moment and kill us all. Drug addict son pacing around in circles the whole meeting, sweating profusely, murmuring and talking to himself. while we were trying to figure out a path forward.

Life is more than dollars
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Dec 9, 2020 - 9:41pm

We had a Partner just mentally snap on a Friday and quit in the middle of a project. He literally decided he couldn't take it anymore, sent a resignation email, then closed his laptop and left for vacation.

Ironically he's still here: he came back on Monday expecting to go through the logistics and sort out his exit stuff, instead he was inundated by concerned emails from his team members about how they could work with him to make things right.

Still torn whenever I think of that story. I can't decide if it's heartwarming that everyone made an effort on their end, or frightening that a damn Partner of all people ended up in a situation like that in the first place.

 
Dec 9, 2020 - 9:42pm

Wayyyy back when I was a summer analyst we had a big mid-summer event where the whole team went to a bar and held it down all night. One of the summer associates, who we all hated, was all over this girl all night. Around 1am, a VP in our group was sick of it and told us he was going to do something about it. Long story short, the VP goes home with her that night and now, a decade later, is married to her. The summer associate didn't get a return offer and is working some dead end FP&A job now. 

 
Dec 9, 2020 - 11:33pm

Story from my PE in China adventures.  We were DDing an infant formula company. Company claimed to have the corner aisle and displays in every Wumart and Wallmart in China. So my manager asked me and the other associate to go do some DD trips. That meant dropping in to getting in a car and going on a road trip, to tick off Wumart stores in random tier 4 podunk towns in the middle of nowhere. After visiting 3 or 4 such towns we pull in to a tiny whistle-stop town in the middle of nowhere. We check in to the town's only hotel.  I get to my room, and within 10 minutes get a call asking if I'd like "fuwu" (meaning 'service').  I don't need room service, so I decline. An hour later, I get another call, same thing.  I'm thinking to myself "I'm the only foreigner that's probably ever been here. Hotel is being super polite."  So I decline.  Two hours later, another call.  And then at 1 or 2 am, I get another call. At this point, I am iritable and tell them off a bit. "Your hotel is really nice. And I appreciate this extra mile service but I don't need any room service / towels or food at 2 in the morning."  Next morning I tell my colleague. He bursts out laughing. Silly foreigner.  Those are the local 'working girls' cold-calling the hotel, room by room, offering themselves up.  "They weren't offering tea my friend, but another kind of meal altogether."  And that kids is how I met your mother.  (just kidding). 

 
  • Prospect in CB
Dec 10, 2020 - 12:28am

Giving a MD a handjob under the conference table during the 2019 Womxn's Leadership Summit! Was able to interview w/ him during superday and really hit it off well/got an offer

 
  • Associate 2 in PE - LBOs
Dec 10, 2020 - 1:15am

Not my story but one of my buddies. Dude used to sit near an absolute dungeon troll whey-protein fueled fart machine analyst and a 8 or 9 chick. dungeon troll would rip loud wet smacking farts all the time. the worst part apparently was the smell. at one point, the chick complains to HR who tells the MD to get his analysts under control. The MD told DT to stop chugging whey and if he audibly heard him "rip a juicy one", he'd halve his bonus. long story short, the bullpen started egging DT on to basically play a twisted version of the "penis" game where he'd try to control the volume of his farts and get louder and louder until dangerously close to being heard by the MD. Fast forward a few months and my buddy (assoc at the time) had to fly with the MD and gasshole DT to a diligence session. apparently back in the day, flights on United/Delta/SW had seats where you face each other. So the MD, my buddy and DT sat facing the client's c-suite team. before take off, dungeon troll rips ass on the "richter scale" (not decibel scale) and the CLIENT says that's mfing gross. the dungeon troll analyst apparently denied it and the client said with a stragiht face "I saw you tilt your ass". buddy said the farter got no bonus that year

 

 
Dec 11, 2020 - 10:21am

Not my story but it's amazing so here goes (slightly less detailed for a degree of anonymity): 

Have a friend who post-MBA was working at a consulting firm and absolutely hated his job.  After wrapping up a big project, instead of flying back to their home office, he and a few of the junior people on the project went on a weekend trip to a place like Nashville/New Orleans/Vegas (i.e. popular trip spot to party).   First night there, he blacks out completely, wakes up the next day back at his AirBnB without his phone or wallet.  As he's trying to figure out what happened, one of his colleagues brings over his phone and shows him his work email.  At 3 AM the night before, my friend had sent the following email to his whole team (cc'ing several partners):  subject line of "2 weeks notice", body of email the two-fingered peace emoji.  He didn't remember sending it and tried to smooth it over with his partner the next week - the partner's response was he had 2 weeks to wrap up his work and leave.  

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Dec 11, 2020 - 12:39pm

Two stories:

Flew to meet with a client (CEO and CFO) at a trade show. We attend the show and left early to grab drinks - actually several rounds of drinks. Then grabbed dinner followed by another several rounds of drinks. As the night was concluding, I pulled out my phone to get an Uber and my client said "don't worry about it, I'll drive you back to your hotel." Without even seccond guessing or thinking clearly about how drunk everyone clearly was, I accepted immediately. i was staying at a Marriott that had a long driveway to the front with several gardens on the sides and a roundabout by the front door. The drive went smoothly until we got to the driveway. My client (driving) thought he saw something in the road and verred off to the side going about 40 miles per hour. We eneded up driving through and destroying over 100 feet of newly manicured garden beds with recently planted flowers. Naturally, my client slammed on the brakes and the car eventually stoped and got stuck in the grass/mud. I got out and helped him free the car and as he was tryting to navigate the car back to the road, he somehow drove the car right into a park style bench, completely destroying it. My client then reveres, straightens out the car, gets it on the raod and takes off as fast as that piece of shit car can go. Next morning during check out I had the hotel manager show me the security camera footage and asked my who was driving. I said it was an Uber...

 

My company was hosting a holiday party in the office (pre-2009, MM IB) and hired a full catering company and bar tenders/wait staff to pass drinks. This was supposed to last from 5p to about 8pm but, the MDs kept extending the party. It ended up going to midnight or so. at about 11p I was going to call it a night. I headed back to my desk to get my stuff and, on my way, heard what sounded like a fight coming from the our large conference room. The windows were frosted glass so, you could not see what was going on. I busted open the door to find an overzealous VP half naked with a few hookers arguing about the price of thier "services." I never looked at that conference room the same after that. 

 
  • Associate 1 in PE - LBOs
Dec 11, 2020 - 2:00pm

My last year of IB, our holiday party got pretty out of control. Started at dinner and then moved to a club where we ordered tables. One of my associates passed out adderall and we started ordering bottles. Each bottle of champagne was $1000 / each and we probably ordered a dozen of them plus anything else we wanted. All on the banks card. Things get a little blurry, but two VPs ended up making out in front of all of us. One analyst punched a server for some reason. I have no idea why (he was never seen again.. we found out later he was fired). All the MDs stayed out until 5AM with us and we were all back in the office at 9am still drunk. Kinda miss nights like those now...

 
Dec 11, 2020 - 2:43pm

I was working as an intern at a hedge fund. PM was super cheap. He made me scan all his receipts from his dinners and other stuff. He was spending more on one meal than I got paid in a week.

 
Dec 11, 2020 - 2:58pm

During one of my analyst years, I was invited to go on a closing dinner in the midwest at a mountain resort. After the dinner a few of us went out to the bars. Me and two other analysts were friends with one MD and proceeded to get him hammered with us. Its like 2am and we end up talking to some girl at the bar who sold weed so we buy an eighth off her and some dutches. We go back to our hotel and our MD challenges us to each roll our best blunt (him included). We end up sneaking onto the mountain we were staying at and proceeded to smoke every one of them until we could barely talk. The next morning me and the analysts are dragging given we were twisted up until 4am or so. The MD sees us at like 12pm and just smirks and says "I've been up since 8am and already ski'd half the mountain, let's go pussies". 

 
  • Intern in IB-M&A
Dec 12, 2020 - 5:09am

I am wondering if some of the party culture seen here still exists? or did it all stop after 2008?

 
  • Intern in IB - Gen
Dec 12, 2020 - 6:30am

Can´t speak for everyone else, but in Frankfurt, going ham in Banhofsviertel on Thursday and Friday is still an honored tradition.

 
  • Intern in IB-M&A
Dec 12, 2020 - 3:08pm

LeoSteel77

I've had lunch with a client, where we both ordered burgers and he proceeded to eat his burger vertically. 

 

A real wtf moment, haha 

damn dude that's wild like wow

 
Dec 14, 2020 - 11:26am

Non target friend got his first M&A interview ever at a top Elite boutique because he was a professional fighter and once trained (and knocked down) a partner at this firm. Finally got the internship and ended at another elite boutique as a FT analyst 

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