Critique My Cold Email to Alumni

So, I have used this template to cold email alumni (non-target school) to network and seemed to have great response rate with it when I began. Lately, I have been having a poor response rate and it's really demotivating. Is it the time of year, my email, other? I have no internships to mention, I am a CFA L2 Candidate. Targeting alum in IB, AM, and ER.

"Hi ______,

My name is ______ and I am a recent graduate from ________. I am currently exploring careers within ________ and I thought I would reach out because of how similar our backgrounds and interests are. I understand that this is a busy time for you, but I was hoping I could have 15 minutes of your time over the phone within the next week to learn about your experiences and expertise. I am more than happy to accommodate whatever time works best for your schedule. Looking forward to hearing back from you.

Thanks in advance,

______ "

Would appreciate some feedback.

8 Comments
 

Do you have any experience in Finance? I've heard that if you do, attaching your resume is a great way for bankers to discern your seriousness and candidacy over email and will give them inclination to help you out.

Ignore my Title and Industry - I can't seem to change it under 'Edit Profile' lol
 

I do not have any experience, unfortunately. Althought, I have been told by people that my resume looks pretty good for someone with no experience. Just waiting for someone to take a chance I guess. Any opinions on that email template though?

 

Ok. I just thought that by mentioning that I went to [same school] that would be the connection I needed. However, I will still give your recommendation a shot. Thanks

 

I am a recent graduate with no relevant experience. Looking to break into some sort of role in finance. I have been targeting alumni working within IB, ER, AM, and PE. Ideally, I would want a job, but I know its not that easy and I am more than happy to have a good conversation and build relationships.

 

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