Critique My Cold Email to Alumni

So, I have used this template to cold email alumni (non-target school) to network and seemed to have great response rate with it when I began. Lately, I have been having a poor response rate and it's really demotivating. Is it the time of year, my email, other? I have no internships to mention, I am a CFA L2 Candidate. Targeting alum in IB, AM, and ER.

"Hi ______,

My name is ______ and I am a recent graduate from ________. I am currently exploring careers within ________ and I thought I would reach out because of how similar our backgrounds and interests are. I understand that this is a busy time for you, but I was hoping I could have 15 minutes of your time over the phone within the next week to learn about your experiences and expertise. I am more than happy to accommodate whatever time works best for your schedule. Looking forward to hearing back from you.

Thanks in advance,

______ "

Would appreciate some feedback.

 

Do you have any experience in Finance? I've heard that if you do, attaching your resume is a great way for bankers to discern your seriousness and candidacy over email and will give them inclination to help you out.

Ignore my Title and Industry - I can't seem to change it under 'Edit Profile' lol
 

I do not have any experience, unfortunately. Althought, I have been told by people that my resume looks pretty good for someone with no experience. Just waiting for someone to take a chance I guess. Any opinions on that email template though?

 

Ok. I just thought that by mentioning that I went to [same school] that would be the connection I needed. However, I will still give your recommendation a shot. Thanks

 

what field are you currently working in or are you still a student? I think your current situation is a little unclear, people want to know off the bat what you want from them. "I'm looking to make the transition from whatever to IB" or something along those lines might help.

 

I am a recent graduate with no relevant experience. Looking to break into some sort of role in finance. I have been targeting alumni working within IB, ER, AM, and PE. Ideally, I would want a job, but I know its not that easy and I am more than happy to have a good conversation and build relationships.

 

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