Dear Recent Grads/Interns

Shaun-Mullins's picture
Rank: Gorilla | banana points 745

A friendly reminder:

You are idiots. You are all idiots. You are not qualified for any serious financial position. You may watch CNBC. You may have played with a Bloomberg in your school's "financial lab". You may even have run money at a student fund. This is all totally irrelevant. This will not prepare you in any real way for an actual position. If we do hire you, you will be a drag on resources for at least a year, and more if you turn out to be as stupid as you look. Unfortunately, we have to hire you because you're cheap.

I do not mean this as a criticism. As it says, it's just a reminder. Everything I wrote absolutely applied to me at one time. The key for you is to realize this now, and own it so you don't come off looking more naive than necessary. Step one is to get professional resume help. Good lord help me I do not care about your coursework experience or your supposed "software skills". Your job in the financial aid office does not warrant 5 lines.

If you are granted the opportunity to annoy us, again please be cognizant of your idiocy. Soak up as much of this business as you can. Learn how the business actually works. Shut up in meetings until you know what you're talking about - and don't you dare try to interject just to sound intelligent.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel. All of us were idiots, and we worked out of it, and most of you will as well. In the meantime, I need another coffee and none of that foofy latte crap this time, just hot and black. That is all, dismissed.

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Comments (37)

Mar 2, 2018

Cool Cool, you took time out of your day to put other people down. We aren't idiots, we are uninformed. "You don't mean it to be a criticism". Why did you type this? Did your gf break up with you?

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Mar 2, 2018

Worse. My wife won't leave; even with half.

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Feb 1, 2019

...unreal

Mar 2, 2018

Being an idiot and being uninformed are the same thing, stop being so sensitive. You shouldn't be beating yourself up all the time and obviously, at first, any senior who seriously calls you an idiot for not knowing something yet is an asshole, but you should keep something like the above in the back of your mind so that you work your ass off to learn basic competencies, and don't waste the time of people who actually earn their paychecks by adding value to the firm. Bottom line is that no matter how clever you are and how quickly you learn, when you first start you're dedicating a lot of your time and tying a lot of your identity to something that, for the moment at least, you suck at. Just work your ass off and chill on the ego a bit (at least around people who are climbing mountains which for you just came into view on the horizon).

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Mar 2, 2018

Always a fan of your writing Shaun. Keep it up, don't stop voicing your opinions.

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Mar 6, 2018

word

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Mar 2, 2018

Sad, but true. Some juniors at elite firms devolve into curmudgeonly Republicans who want to move the goalposts on merit and ability, only after benefitting from nepotism and tolerance themselves. Skip to last paragraph.

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Mar 6, 2018

OP is right....granted, being called an idiot is taken lighly by anybody.

That being said, the difference between somebody with 0 yrs work experience (internships don't count) versus 2 years work experience are worlds apart

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Mar 6, 2018

what's up with all the angry bankers recently

WSO's COO (Chief Operating Orangutan) | My Linkedin

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Mar 6, 2018
AndyLouis:

what's up with all the angry bankers recently

I don't think this guy is real.

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Mar 7, 2018

if he is real, he contributes -3 to society and wso

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Mar 7, 2018

I think there's a metaphor that applies here...something about glass houses and stones...

Mar 7, 2018

Someone get this man a snickers bar

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Best Response
Mar 7, 2018
Shaun-Mullins:

A friendly reminder:

You are idiots. You are all idiots. You are not qualified for any serious financial position. You may watch CNBC. You may have played with a Bloomberg in your school's "financial lab". You may even have run money at a student fund. This is all totally irrelevant. This will not prepare you in any real way for an actual position. If we do hire you, you will be a drag on resources for at least a year, and more if you turn out to be as stupid as you look. Unfortunately, we have to hire you because you're cheap.

I do not mean this as a criticism. As it says, it's just a reminder. Everything I wrote absolutely applied to me at one time. The key for you is to realize this now, and own it so you don't come off looking more naive than necessary. Step one is to get professional resume help. Good lord help me I do not care about your coursework experience or your supposed "software skills". Your job in the financial aid office does not warrant 5 lines.

If you are granted the opportunity to annoy us, again please be cognizant of your idiocy. Soak up as much of this business as you can. Learn how the business actually works. Shut up in meetings until you know what you're talking about - and don't you dare try to interject just to sound intelligent.

There is a light at the end of the tunnel. All of us were idiots, and we worked out of it, and most of you will as well. In the meantime, I need another coffee and none of that foofy latte crap this time, just hot and black. That is all, dismissed.

Is this part 2 of your other thread on how you hate interviewing millenials? Make no mistake, I have no love for millenials, but this is taking things and flipping them to the other end of the spectrum.

I actually agree with the substance of what you're saying...but being a loud d*ck about it isn't efficient. There are ways to convey the message with more pronounced effect, especially long-term. Anyway, my two cents.

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Mar 7, 2018

I love that you are trying to be a hardo here, but your post still includes grammatical errors. I am not going to make the broad claim that "every" recent grad is an "idiot." I have had the privilege of working with some very intelligent analysts who were able to find creative ways to quickly add value and differentiate themselves. Unfortunately the ego that some bankers develop can make it difficult to acknowledge that a recent graduate can be a productive member of the team. Be humble, and stay humble because, like Shaun-Mullins pointed out above, we were all new and inexperienced at one point.

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Mar 7, 2018
Shaun-Mullins:

You are idiots. You are all idiots.

I do not mean this as a criticism.

If you are granted the opportunity to annoy us, again please be cognizant of your idiocy.

You sound fun.

Shaun-Mullins:

All of us were idiots

Were we?

Shaun-Mullins:

hot and black

giggity

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Mar 7, 2018

You may post threads on WSO insulting university students but you yourself are no different.

What concert costs 45 cents? 50 Cent feat. Nickelback.

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Mar 7, 2018

Wow, working for you must really suck.

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Mar 7, 2018

Really? He sounds super chill to me. I guess you can't really pick up tone online, but I thought it came through fairly well.

When I came with a question to my favorite mentor my first two years, he'd just smile, look me in the eyes and say "You don't know shit, kid." Of course after that he'd explain so much that I would readily concur that I didn't, in fact, know shit.

I miss that guy, he taught me you don't have to try to play 'super understanding friendly coworker' in order to be a great influence. I much preferred the direct, thick skin approach. The last thing most people need is coddling and being treated like a child. Yes, you're new to the company. Yes, you're the age of their children. No, that doesn't mean you should be treated like a child and made to feel special.

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Mar 7, 2018
urmaaam:

Really? He sounds super chill to me. I guess you can't really pick up tone online, but I thought it came through fairly well.

When I came with a question to my favorite mentor my first two years, he'd just smile, look me in the eyes and say "You don't know shit, kid." Of course after that he'd explain so much that I would readily concur that I didn't, in fact, know shit.

I miss that guy, he taught me you don't have to try to play 'super understanding friendly coworker' in order to be a great influence. I much preferred the direct, thick skin approach. The last thing most people need is coddling and being treated like a child. Yes, you're new to the company. Yes, you're the age of their children. No, that doesn't mean you should be treated like a child and made to feel special.

Bump madafaqas !

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Mar 10, 2018

C'mon. His tone may be harsh, but the point is clear: don't come out of college thinking the world owes you anything. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.

Be humble, understand that (at this point) your skills are limited, and be eager to learn and improve. Humility will get you so fucking far in the first 18-24 months of your career. Then, once you gain a scarce skill set (and scarcity drives demand) you can act like a cock.

Mar 7, 2018

I see this guy's username and I prepare to roll my eyes over some juvenile attempt to troll or rile people up with some over-the-top controversial statement. This post may be unnecessarily abrasive, but there's actual usable wisdom here. Remarkable that this post gets 39 MS and counting.

Jan 31, 2019
HighlyClevered:

I see this guy's username and I prepare to roll my eyes over some juvenile attempt to troll or rile people up with some over-the-top controversial statement. This post may be unnecessarily abrasive, but there's actual usable wisdom here. Remarkable that this post gets 39 MS and counting.

Beware the mentor who tickles your ear with what you want to hear.

Mar 7, 2018
Shaun-Mullins:

You may even have run money at a student fund.

Not even real money, they use play money.

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Mar 8, 2018

Isn't this the same idiot looking for a roommate in SF, 25, and about to quit finance because he couldn't cut it? All those Liberals in Cali already got your panties all bunched up I see...

Imagine having 4ish years of experience under your belt and already thinking you're top brass ready to talk down to the rest of the world.

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Mar 8, 2018
Shaun-Mullins:

A friendly reminder:

just hot and black. That is all, dismissed.

I didn't read all of it....just the beginning and end. What I call the important parts. Words I live by. Good stuff.

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Mar 8, 2018

lmao

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Mar 8, 2018

what a jerk off.

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Mar 8, 2018

u need to get laid

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Mar 8, 2018

While I don't necessarily disagree with anything you've said, your approach smacks of some holier than though post-MBA 1st year associate with a chip on his shoulder. Funny, the incredible lack of self-awareness you're showing is practically just a different version of what you're bitching about.

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Mar 8, 2018
Mephistopheles:

some holier than though post-MBA 1st year associate with a chip on his shoulder

He's a senior analyst, so you're not too far off.

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Mar 12, 2018

A good senior analyst is worth their weight in gold compared to a post-MBA 1st year associate that doesn't have any prior banking experience.

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Mar 29, 2018

....

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Mar 11, 2018

Uhm, I'm one of those recent grads/interns idiots: Does anyone feel like reviewing my CV? :)

Thanks!

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Apr 20, 2018

Send it on over lil cubbie.

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Apr 21, 2018
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Feb 13, 2019