Girlfriend facing 100K+ Student debt...stay or leave
I know I'll get a lot of predictable responses to this but was wondering how you would all handle this situation. Been dating this girl for a year and a half and we're getting very close to the "moving in together" stage. Once at that point, marriage isn't too far ahead.
Don't get me wrong, I really love this girl and our relationship works in pretty much every way and seems perfect. But when I think about the financial burden her loans would be in the future, it causes me to pause. She'll probably top out at 90-100K in her career, hopefully. Obviously, the hope is I make a good amount more. The thought of breaking it off just because of her debt kind of crushes me and I'd feel terrible doing so (yes, I have a soul). Also, I realize a ton of people have a huge student debt burden, so her situation is far from unique. But I also have a lifestyle in mind that I want to live up to and would be afraid that her loans would prevent it from becoming a reality.
Maybe I am being paranoid and stressing too much about it, i don't know...
Thoughts on this?
Well, you are assuming that just because you are dating you are responsible for her loans! That doesn't have to be the case (and also shouldn't be!). Maybe after marriage, but what you do is don't tell her the reason why you don't want to get married soon and keep making up **good **excuses to not get married so soon. Do it after her loans are paid off, by her.
No, I understand it is not my debt to share in right now. I am more just thinking to the future and if we moved in together. She wouldn't have much to contribute to bills and rent and everything and a lot would fall on me while she paid her loans back. With that said, who knows what might happen over the next year or so. I know I shouldn't get too far ahead of myself but can't help but think about the future.
Well, think about it this way. Right now, you will be moving in soon and both will be earning soon. I don't know your situation, but I am going to assume that you are splitting the rent and expenses? Once you do, you will both have spending money. You can either spend it, save it, etc. You need to convince her (if she already doesn't realize) that she should use most of her excess money to pay down the loan. How much do you think her loans are? If she is earning 80k and she has 100k in loans then she should be able to get that done in 4 years (maybe less).
You might need to pay for anything outside of basics (e.g. movie tickers, restaurants, etc.) but that is way less that if you were to "pitch in" and help pay for her loans. So yea, you will have less money for the "lifestyle in your mind," but (assuming your lifestyle involves your gf) its better to tough it out with the person you like/love and live the lifestyle you want after the loans are paid off than being lonely.
These are just my thoughts. What do you think monkeys?
Jesus christ I hate reading things like this. I know it's tough man but honestly nothing is worth your happiness. If she truly makes you happy and you really think that she is the one then don't even hesitate.
I see some of my managers pulling 200K+ but they hate themselves and their lives and they're not getting any younger either. If she makes you happy then it's not even a question. Having a criteria for someone you love to be financially stable seems pretty selfish to me.
Why are people who make that much money unhappy?
all that glitters is not gold(stein)
I'd only recommend breaking up for this reason if she's also a spendthrift fuckup, which I'm guessing isn't the case since you're considering moving in together. So if you do take the plunge, can you cover the full rent + utilities + your expenses? Could you nudge her (gently!) toward committing the money she would be using for rent to instead pay down her debt?
Assuming you can afford the rent on your own place, you'd at least be lowering the financial risk of getting hitched to this girl.
If she moved in to the place I am living in now, then yeah I can cover living expenses, since I already am. However, unless my salary grows a lot fast, I will likely be in the same boat years down the road and not able to move my situation up as she continues to just use her money to pay down debt. I'm a little older and would like a bigger place at some point and might have to move to a more expensive city for other opportunities.
Get yourself a gf that skipped college and works a cash job like an escort or cuts hair.
No debt, all equity and great cash flow.
This is especially good advice if you are also a great videographer or photographer. Video footage of your escort girlfriend at work could be a force multiplier to your earnings potential. You would be a veritable power couple.
Plus once you have children you could use the same camera historically used to film your lady getting defiled by numerous strangers to film your children's life milestones. So you really get some extra mileage out of your equipment for free.
LOL +SB
Is it unreasonable to be worried about the amount of debt? Of course not. If you're seriously considering moving in and the potential of getting married, I would hope that your mentality is what's your (future) wife's problem is now yours and vice versa. So it's perfectly reasonable to feel the pressures of having that large amount of debt. But, no one here knows your specific situation as far as earning potential, your spending habits, where you want to live in the future, what you care about, etc. It'd be impossible for anyone here to really advise you on what you should do. I have learned two things that has been helpful as I try to navigate / balance my professional life with personal life
1) A lot of the "lifestyle" things I want are much more enjoyable with I share it with someone else. Not to say you can't be happy being single, but I think most people are wired to enjoy going on a vacation with your significant other than going by yourself or a group of friends (most of the time). 2) You're really choosing what you're willing to put up with as you choosing between different significant others. This girl's problem might be the large debt burden. Another girls might be she's bat shit crazy. Another girl might be she's so career driven she doesn't have time for a real relationship. You've got to decide what's more important to you (or what you're more willing to put up with).
Dude you're a major loser if you think $100k is too much of a burden. Wait until you have to buy a house with a $800k mortgage, or have to take out $100k+ of loans for each of your kids to pay for food, school and all that shit.
You obviously don't love this woman if $100k scares you. Either that, or you haven't developed into a man yet, in which case grow the f up
I've been there, except my girlfriend is above $100k. I wouldn't break up over that. At just ~1x student loan debt / potential gross income it probably won't make sense, but she could look into income based repayment plans. Certain fields even get full forgiveness after a decade of qualifying employment.
If she was really irresponsible with money and it seemed like I was going to be paying most of the bills to subsidize frivolous spending, I'd have a problem with that. Which doesn't seem to be the case. You've met someone who as you said, works in every way. My wife has student debt as well, it's money, it matters, but it's an afterthought.
Are they private loans? She could just default on them. Hell, she can even fight her creditors.
And you all fell for the troll. Good job guys.
And to OP, well done, bravo. Trolling of this class is rare nowdays.
Idk man. How would you feel roles reversed: your gf breaks up with you because you have a lot of student debt or your gf breaks up with you because you don't make over 100k but someone else does?
I think most girls would. They are typically looking for a potential "provider" of their children
I mentioned that I would feel like a piece of crap for doing it. It feels dirty to me.
To add on to this issue (and more immediate), I am also allergic to her shedding dog. I really do not want to live with it since it can make my living situation crap. But I can't ask her to get rid of it.
I think you have Asperger's.
You're posting this in the Investment Banking forum. If you truly achieve a successful career in NYC high finance, $100,000 shouldn't matter to you as much as you're making it seem. People spend that much on watches, of all things, not to mention sports cars, rent, etc. $100,000 is also nothing compared to what you could theoretically spend on relationships - trophy wives don't come free, nor do divorces. That also assumes that you're going to be paying for it all. It's 2017, dude - women can have jobs and pay their bills with or without you.
I don't mean to minimize the impact of 6 figure debt - I know it all too well - but come on, man. If she really is as perfect for you as you claim, this is ridiculous.
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