Guys, what's your opinion on dating female bankers?

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Comments (123)

 
Oct 21, 2016 - 7:46am

The attitude and personality that makes for a successful banker are antithetical to the traits I look for in a partner. I'm only 20 and I might be naive, but I personally prefer artists as I find personal expression very intriguing (and lacking from my own life)

 
Oct 17, 2016 - 9:17am

This. This. This.

Imagine going to dinner with a female banker. You pick a steak house. As you sit down and are given the menu, your date tells you that she's a vegan. Whoops. You know what a female banker is thinking now? "Wow, this idiot didn't bother asking me before hand if I'm a vegan, didn't bother taking a quick peek at my Facebook to see if I might have dietary restrictions, and didn't bother looking at this steak house's menu beforehand to make sure they have non-meat alternatives just in case I'm a vegan." This as opposed to a normal female who might laugh it off and ask if you just want to order a bunch of appetizers or go to the noodle place next door.

 
Oct 21, 2016 - 12:31pm

" This as opposed to a normal female who might laugh it off and ask if you just want to order a bunch of appetizers or go to the noodle place next door."

I've never met a girl like that in my life. All of the girls I've ever dated have all been bankers by your description.

Tell me where to find the normal ones described above.

 
Oct 28, 2016 - 11:24pm

Banker and vegan? Do you know how hard it is to find good tasting, fast delivering vegan places on Seamless?

Currently: future psychiatrist (med school =P) Previously: investor relations (top consulting firm), M&A consulting (Big 4), M&A banking (MM)
 
Oct 17, 2016 - 9:30am

my gf is a different type of artist (a dancer) and I am happy every day she doesn't care about finance/ business. Sure, every once in a while I have to deal with her "artsy" bs sometimes and she is the type of person to love Bernie Sanders, but her general demeanor (not worried about money or the next career step) keeps me sane.

Array
 
Controversial
Oct 17, 2016 - 11:36am

I don't think people should laugh at female bankers here, there is nothing wrong of being a motivated and ambitious female in finance and it also doesn't contradict with her being an authentic, caring and loving person in her life just because of she is a banker.

I know plenty of female bankers or girls in finance have amazing personality and also are sweet and supportive partners.

 
Oct 28, 2016 - 11:30pm

One may not imply the other (e.g. banker chick = not authentic/caring/loving). BUT, the majority of the time, self selection and the nature of the industry requires that bankers (not just females) are direct, crass, and not the loving wifey type you'd find men wishing for in r/RedPill.

Doesn't mean they don't have their strengths, but the reality is that female bankers will never act like stay-at-home moms, like doting girlfriends who spend a week planning for a date, or like a housekeeper who has a hot meal on the stove when you come home (which wouldn't matter anyways, you're coming home at 3am).

And that's fine. Just know what you're getting into.

Personally, I didn't have time or the patience to date while in banking, so.......

Currently: future psychiatrist (med school =P) Previously: investor relations (top consulting firm), M&A consulting (Big 4), M&A banking (MM)
 
Oct 28, 2016 - 11:34pm

I am not saying female bankers don't necessarily imply not authentic/caring/loving, sure some female banker could be like that 24/7. What I am saying is that female bankers don't necessarily imply that she will be at home and STILL showing her competitive and aggressive sides to you. And that's what matters at the end of the day.

Point is people have different sides and they show different sides to different people.

 
Oct 17, 2016 - 4:02pm

If you're a normal adult, and I appreciate many on this forum fall into neither of those categories, you'll pick a partner based on chemistry and personal connection. You won't hit it off with a female banker and do a cost benefit analysis on whether you can date someone who has a career that fits outside the mould of what you view as an archetypal 'feminine' career.

 
Oct 17, 2016 - 4:04pm

As a non-banker I'd rather slit my wrists.

"It is better to have a friendship based on business, than a business based on friendship." - Rockefeller. "Live fast, die hard. Leave a good looking body." - Navy SEAL
 
Oct 17, 2016 - 4:50pm

I agree that you should pick one based on chemistry and personality rather than seeing what she/he does for a living. Thus, I don't think people should have a generalized or biased view towards female bankers and think they are all gonna be the same. Every girl is different and so is every female banker. You might find one you really like or you might not. Same with girls in other industries.

 
Oct 21, 2016 - 9:33am

I've interacted with 3 types of female bankers:

  1. The really hot girl that gets an offer because she's smart enough, but mostly because some associate just couldn't help himself and his imagination. Those girls are fun and have a good demeanor. They're also more often than not into not an analyst or an associate

  2. A banker's banker kind of girl. Smart. Tough. Ready to tell you to fuck off. A millennial Lynn Tilton. That's the kind of girl that I'd have a hard time relating to because I wouldn't find her personality complimentary. Plus, (sorry but true) I think stats will point to that girl being average attractive or below

  3. The girl that's in banking because she didn't know really what to do and figured it would be a good experience (like lots of guys too). Those girls are great because they get finance but have much broader interests. However, if you're in finance because you actually want to be there, it's hard to be a good fit since these girls spend all day surrounded by bankers who they don't relate to. This girl is more likely to date some PETA-loving musician.

 
Oct 21, 2016 - 11:36am

I married a banker and I'm very happy. Partly because she works longer hours than I do.

Those who can, do. Those who can't, post threads about how to do it on WSO.
 
Oct 21, 2016 - 12:44pm

I think all of us knew that one (or more) girl with a chip on her shoulder big enough to feed a family that went to class with only BB folders and water bottles, Snapchat story constantly of her at info sessions and superdays, LinkedIn profile that was longer than my thesis full of one-day "insight events" and "diversity forums" who was also simultaneously interested in the extremely similar industries of investment banking, Asset Management, sales and trading, public finance, equity research, management consulting, AND private equity. Usually not white.

Yikes.

 
Oct 21, 2016 - 1:29pm

Don't talk about work with your significant other... or anyone outside of work for that matter. Who the hell cares about what you're doing in the office anyway? You'll bore the shit out of your friends and family. Problem solved.

I had a flair for languages. But I soon discovered that what talks best is dollars, dinars, drachmas, rubles, rupees and pounds fucking sterling.
 
Oct 21, 2016 - 1:42pm

This depends on the people around you. I've met people who truly love what they do (usually in IM), and that's mostly what they want to talk about. And they surround themselves with people who like to listen, including friends and family. I wouldn't say this is bad; in fact this is great to see vs people who want to talk about anything but their job the moment they step out of the office because they are either miserable, bored, and/or just generally unhappy.

There are, of course, people who are in-between. There is a balance to everything. So I say if you want to talk about your job because you love it, go full steam ahead. Except if you're at a rave and you start busting out your 12-factor quant model. Don't do that.

 
Oct 21, 2016 - 3:47pm

Well said. All the guys I work with in IM are incredibly passionate about this stuff. I'm the same way and I'll talk about this stuff all day. Whenever I'm around people who don't care about IM, I usually never mention anything about the markets, companies, etc. But when you meet another person who loves this as much as you do, its awesome.

 
Oct 21, 2016 - 1:49pm

Been there, done that - I dated a fellow IB analyst for ~1 year. Obviously only one data point, but my ex seemed to be a little more apathetic to general emotions relative to others in different professional fields. I agree with a lot of the sentiments around having a difference of experiences and personalities when dating others so I would suggest dating outside of finance, but that's my personal preference / opinion.

Lastly, I do not intend to sound like I am speaking poorly of my ex. She is still extremely bright and driven (qualities that most would deem positive) and we only differed on personality factors, likes/dislikes, etc.

 
Oct 21, 2016 - 2:02pm

Philosophy or opinion?

If it's what floats your boat go ahead and do it.

Personally I would never even consider it. I like women who are feminine, family oriented, and have a sweet, caring personality.

That's more or less the opposite of your typical NYC investment banker.

And again not knocking them. It's just that my tastes are for a type that is like the "farm girl next door" which is very far removed from bankers.

 
Oct 21, 2016 - 2:01pm

I would keep an open mind. Sometimes the person you least expect to like, you'll end up dating!

********"Babies don't cost money, they MAKE money." - Jerri Blank********
 
Oct 21, 2016 - 2:27pm

Personality and looks aside, it seems that the logistics become very difficult when you both work gruelling work weeks. You both work long hours and they are unpredictable; on the off chance you get to have a few early nights or a day off, surely you would want to be dating someone who would be able to meet up? If your base rate of having a free sunday are 50%, and hers are 50%, that halves the probability that you will be able to actually spend your free time with your SO. If you think about weekdays - where the unpredictability is even more severe - you are really cutting your odds of even seeing her just because she also works in banking.

For logistics alone, I would think very hard about dating a banker.

 
Oct 21, 2016 - 3:14pm

I prefer type B women who never talk about their job in any aspect...this is a tough kind to find in the world of finance. But sack up and go after who/what type you like regardless of occupation. I feel the most talent is in marketing personally

You miss 100% of the shots you don't take
 
Oct 21, 2016 - 4:21pm

I dated an female ex-banker (read: lost her job during the subprime crash and changed directions, read: cougar), who basically clued me into the industry and told me how to break in with a highly non-traditional background. Long story short, her advice worked with a few minor tweaks, and I made it into MM M&A.

Net net, I'm all for it. She was a little nuts though...

Thanks, let me know if you ever need an introduction in the industry.
 
Oct 21, 2016 - 5:16pm

It depended on the conversation, but she typically had a strong rationale for the argument she was making. I wouldn't say it was so overly strong that she wouldn't listen to the other side, but there were a few conversations we had where she held tight to what she believed and didn't really consider the other side (religion, politics, to name a few). As far as competitiveness, I like having a bit of that in the relationship - we didn't directly compete with each other. I personally admire someone who is driven so I don't count that as a con if they are competitive with me.

 
Oct 21, 2016 - 5:35pm

Extremely strong-minded - many issues that couples would typically try to find an amicable compromise for quickly turned into a my-way-or-I-walk negotiation. Ended up calling her bluff on a number of things, but there was a lot of unnecessary friction overall. I enjoyed the challenge (probably because of the same masochistic tendencies that make me enjoy banking), but am certainly not interested in getting into another relationship like that.

Thanks, let me know if you ever need an introduction in the industry.
 
Oct 28, 2016 - 11:55pm

Was a female banker. Yes and yes.

Broke up after 2 months.

Apparently I have a heart of ice, since I made him cry when he stopped by my apartment with flowers on a day I explicitly said I wanted for myself.

I also told him I hate flowers.

Attention to detail, geez.

Currently: future psychiatrist (med school =P) Previously: investor relations (top consulting firm), M&A consulting (Big 4), M&A banking (MM)
 
Oct 22, 2016 - 12:16am

Yay. If you're into independent and driven women. In my experience they just want to be accepted and supported, like any other woman, and want their ambitions to be a turn on not a turn off. It's pretty sexist to need a meek or "girl who knows her place" and those women will definitely agree with that line of thinking. If you can handle her long hours, can listen to the daily bullshit she wades through and be cognizant about her daily frustrations in banking compared to yours elsewhere--try not to complain when your frustrations are much smaller than her--and you'll be golden. As an added bonus, driven women typically have a good idea of what they want, which is a really good quality.

 
Oct 30, 2016 - 1:55pm

ArcherVice:

It's pretty sexist to need a meek or "girl who knows her place" and those women will definitely agree with that line of thinking.

I'm not sure that's sexist. Some men don't want alpha women. Some women love alpha men and don't want to be alpha women. When the union happens, both parties can be very happy. Is either sexist? I doubt it. It's just a preference for personal happiness. If the alpha men were saying that ALL women should be beta, or the beta women were to say that ALL women should be beta, or the women were to say that ALL men should be alpha, and there were discrimination, then I can understand the sexism. Otherwise, let's not get too ahead of ourselves. Statements precisely like the above are what drives the rapid dilution of the meaning of the word sexist. It just starts losing its weight.

 
Oct 31, 2016 - 10:01pm

I've never met a woman, independent or otherwise that didn't like a man taking charge--not in every circumstance of course and how they do that is important, but I digress.

The insinuation is that only a meek girl could appreciate those attributes, or only a meek girl is suitable because THEY are the ones willing to make sacrifices for the union. Read the above thread carefully and it effectively puts the responsibility of the relationship on the woman. In order to make that step, there's an inherent entitlement that women come second, which is the sexism I'm talking about. There are plenty of women who would prefer to stay home and raise a family, but notice the sexism toward the straw women (female bankers). They are automatically unsuitable as partners for X, Y and Z bullshit rationales. This is essentially rooted in the assumption that they also like to take charge (what's wrong with that), and would be less willing to sacrifice their ambitions or willing to sacrifice them without limit.

 
Oct 22, 2016 - 12:02pm

Dated two female bankers. Both seemed great initially - smart, fun, motivated, know how to dress and behave. Later down the road, something was off with both of them. Big time.

This may not be representative for the entire group, but I rather not take my chances again.

 
Oct 22, 2016 - 9:14pm

I'm an equity research analyst married to a lovely investment banker - she's amazing. It's very nice to have somebody who understands me professionally as well as personally, somebody motivated/driven, intelligent, etc. I don't even know why this thread has gotten so many people disagreeing. To all those saying "no way" have you ever dated a female banker? Probably not.

 
Oct 23, 2016 - 6:05pm

Exactly.

Note that I am not a female banker, but I have 2 amazing female banker friends who are in happy and stable relationships also with driven and successful guys. I'd say it's more about personalities than career that made their boyfriends stick around. I saw first hand that my friends are not only smart and motivated career wise, but also have a feminine and supportive side in their personal lives. I see people here just assume if a girl is a banker or in high finance, they she is going to be aggressive or compete with you hence won't make a good partner, this is simply not true as people have many sides, she is motivated at work doesn't mean she can't relax or be laid back in personal life (and this is exactly the cases with both of my female banker friends.) and also doesn't mean they don't have a supportive and sweet side they bring to their personal relationships. As the opposite to what people say here, most girls I know in finance that are truly smart are sweet and supportive in their relationships (both with their bf and with friends). And that doesn't contract with them being competent at work.

I understand that why people might think a female banker is aggressive or simply too motivated that they are not feminine just by the implication of "banker". But this is simply not true and it's better not to make generalizations.

 
Oct 24, 2016 - 10:18pm

I think there's an assumption that one brings all the traits that make them successful at work back home with them. Perhaps there are people (male or female) that are aggressive 24/7, but there are also people (again male or female) that have on/off switches and have different approaches to different parts of their life.

There also seems to be a generalization that someone who is aggressive will also likely be some sorta alpha bitch. While you don't get far in high finance being a pushover for sure, it doesn't mean you can't be both aggressive (when you need to be) and be a good person to work with.

I see more "extremes" of women (really cool vs really hard to work with) at the higher levels (MDs/SMDs) vs. analysts / associates/ VPs/ directors. I think it's just simply there were very few women up at the top so you attract either really well-balanced or really, really tough types to make it that far. But as more women are getting into high finance, you get a more diverse group of personalities.

 
Oct 22, 2016 - 9:19pm

Might just be my opinion, but I'd want someone who doesn't think about banking 24/7 that I can date. It's nice to escape work for a little and talk about other things that can on. The money would be nice but wouldn't cancel out the bitchiness and the struggle between who's the better/smarter banker.

 
Oct 23, 2016 - 6:12pm

And just also from a female perspective, sometimes some girls just want to go into finance because they really genuinely like the work and enjoy advising companies, and they want to have a career there. That doesn't mean that they have to be labeled or generalized or forced to make a choice between a fulfilling career and a meaningful relationship/family, you can have both with the right person.

And I am sure that guys won't be happy when they are faced with a choice like that, then why force /discuss that on women?

 
Oct 25, 2016 - 12:28am

Based on this thread it's clear, at least to me, that most of them feel it's the woman's responsibility to make the relationship work. In my opinion, someone with that level of entitlement is going to have difficulty with any woman irrespective of their occupation.

 
Oct 24, 2016 - 12:03pm

I can't date a woman who isn't passionate about what they do / willing to push me out of my comfort zone or challenge me on things. It's the push-back that makes me grow as a person.

...
 
Oct 24, 2016 - 3:37pm

So you want to date a girl and never get laid. How did you get into banking?

Follow the shit your fellow monkeys say @shitWSOsays Life is hard, it's even harder when you're stupid - John Wayne
 
Oct 24, 2016 - 4:02pm

I'm just glad this didn't turn into the thread a year or so ago where virgins were arguing about the most prestigious role for a spouse...

what happened WSO?!

side note: there are so many other qualities you should look for in a woman aside from her job title. if you click and she happens to be a banker, so what

 
Oct 29, 2016 - 4:54pm

thebrofessor:

I'm just glad this didn't turn into the thread a year or so ago where virgins were arguing about the most prestigious role for a spouse...

what happened WSO?!

WSO has actually calmed down and hopped off the prestige train recently, at least from what I can see. Just earlier I read through a few threads about mid-office risk management jobs and no one said a damn thing about prestige. Someone recommended Fidelity as a good place to work. One person was asking whether they should take a Citi or GS offer and people were answering the former.

Kids these days.

Currently: future psychiatrist (med school =P) Previously: investor relations (top consulting firm), M&A consulting (Big 4), M&A banking (MM)
 
Oct 24, 2016 - 4:57pm

I dated a gal at a BB while I was transitioning from the Coast Guard to business school. It was the worst relationship I've ever been in. We started dating right before she took the job and she was pretty cool but not too long after she started she turned into a miserable, manic, needy psycho. Date a girl who has a more "honest" occupation like a nurse or a teacher. They're way more interesting, laid back and fun to be around.

"That was basically college for me, just ya know, fuckin' tourin' with Widespread Panic over the USA."
 
Oct 25, 2016 - 9:13am

My guy banker friend said he found it difficult dating non-banker girls (or anyone not working the same kind of hours like consulting or law) because they "wouldn't understand this shitshow I'm going through" which is fair because as much as a girl can say she understands your demanding job, canceled dates and perpetual exhaustion on a consistent basis are sure to bother her if she has never worked in the same condition.

I'm a lesbian in finance whose gf is a big law associate; two busy jobs keep us from jarring at the other person every two days for not spending enough time together because I cannot ask her to pay all attention to me when she's in no position to do that either.

 
Oct 25, 2016 - 7:23pm

Will reiterate what's been said above - have dated women across the professional spectrum (Ph.d - Engineer - Writer - Dancer - Cheerleader - etc.), but have never even considered dating a banker. This is not because female bankers are bad / unattractive (although this one is frequently true the same way it is of male bankers), but for the same reasons I prefer not to go out to bars with bankers --> I don't want to talk about comp, deal flow, or my bosses after work. I want to talk about ANYTHING but work.

To each his own, and good for you guys if you can make it work.

Life's is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
 
Oct 26, 2016 - 3:53pm

For any of you guys considering it, I would recommend getting a Job in the AM division of your bank and then Dating a girl who is a banker. This way, you can still motivate each other- and you legally cannot even talk about work. Sounds like a win win and +1 if she is hot.

 
Oct 28, 2016 - 3:27pm

Most bankers tend to be pretty boring - male AND female. They tend to follow a pretty narrow path through their academic careers leaving little room for outside interests and then enter a professional that leaves little room for outside interests.
Yes, they're accomplished in that they earned high grades at (mostly) target schools and then earn good money as professionals. But they are likely only friends with other guys/girls that went to target schools, spent too much time studying and running student clubs/governments to cultivate real interests, and then went right into banking where they have had their soul sucked out (unless they are gung ho about finance), and spend the majority of their (limited) free time with other bankers/financiers.
Not what I would call stimulating.

I married a lawyer - but she studied engineering and then spent a few years after undergrad doing work in that field then found a non-traditional path to law school and into a very specific subset of the law (aviation) that compliments her background. She works in a field that forces me to constantly about new things (law and engineering), has passion about her work, and is very ambitious in her career - just three of the things that I found very attractive about her.

 
Oct 28, 2016 - 8:23pm

in my experience it's like going to whole foods, buying a gutted Chilean bass and sticking your dick in the gutless cavity that used to be it's stomach... very cold and very unpleasant. should only be done if no other alternatives (i.e out of clean socks).

"I'm talking about liquid. Rich enough to have your own jet. Rich enough not to waste time. Fifty, a hundred million dollars, buddy. A player. Or nothing. " -GG
 
Oct 29, 2016 - 12:44am

I date women who I can relate to and understand me so most of those women are cold bitches who can work the streets and are freaks in the sheets. Got to respect a woman who will call your BS and demands your best so you're always improving.

Always be on or be gone. Life is just 1 big trade, you give to get. So be rational and candid, I t'll be more efficient in mental energy spent in long run IMO.

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