How does one best fit pregnancy into a PE career

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I know I am going to get shot down with steaming turds for this but........................ At my new shop (PE) there is an unwritten policy to only hire women who have gone beyond the likely age for bearing a child. Having to pay for maternity leave (at least in the UK) and dealing with the disruption and expense of having to replace a member of staff for a period of time is a major PITA.

Back on the trading desks at a BB, we have a few females in their late twenties/early thirties so I guess its different there.

In my opinion timing it with an MBA would be the best from an employers point of view. I do know of MD/ED at BB I used to work at with kids. None of the partners at my current firm are female so can't comment on that.

I think the really important question is not so much when is the best time to go through a pregnancy but rather, when is the best time to be raising a young child. With that in mind, it's clear that the more senior you are, the more you can dictate your own schedule and have flexibility (it's much easier for a partner to leave the office at 5 and then pick up work later in the evening that it is for a senior associate). This is obviously not specific to PE and there's a clear trend, especially among career-oriented women, to have their first child much later in life. Companies are also very much aware of that dynamic (Apple, FB egg freezing, etc).

That being said, the question also really depend on your personal circumstances: what does your partner do, what's your support system, how much of the child raising are you willing to outsource. If you have a partner that can significantly scale back or give up work for a couple years to take care of the kids would allow more flexibility. (it's 2017, it's ok for women to be the bread-winner). Being in a 2 high income relationship will make things a little more complicated, you'll have to be ok with nannies raising your kids.

Firm culture will also have an impact. Places that have female partners or where the partners have working spouse will obviously be a lot more understanding than a firm where all the partners have housewives.

One of the top performing women at the fund I used to work at had a stay at home husband and took like a week off at most on maternity leave, so I guess that's an option?

It's tough to be a working parent, unless you have a stay at home. That said there is no good timing for raising a kid. Just bite the bullet and go with the flow.

And frankly, I know way more people who were f-ed up by being raised by their stay at home mom than people who were helped raised by their grandma or nanny.

This is why I'm marrying an instagram model, teacher, nurse, or pediatrician.

I have seen a few examples of hig powered working mums although not many, including

1) the MD/regional head in my previous job (leveraged finance, commercial bank) - where she had a nanny 12 hrs a day, would rush back home at 7pm to take over from the nanny and then log back in after dinner/bath. Does not sound fun

2) my current boss (CFO of a company doing $160mn annual EBITDA) who has 3 children and where her parents leave in the same house and basically look after her children for her. She essentially works all hours of the day and night and skypes her children at 8pm to see them take the bath.... I do find it quite sad but to each their own I guess

I suggest you read "lean in" from Sheryl Sandberg, Facebook Chief Operating Officer who's a single mum after her husband died while exercising, may give you a good idea and show you that it is possible despite what the haters say

Best of luck

Disclaimer: I cannot comment to private-equity specific experience

Alright, allow me to make things more complicated: consider that women eggs start declining after 35 and even after 30 it's considered at risk; meaning that if you have a baby post 30-35, there's a higher risk of genetic problems not to mention the higher risk for your health.

Now, it's great you want to have babies and want to plan in advance, because compared to you most girls just go with ''not going to have babies''. However the above mentioned is a topic I touch with any potential partner. If she wants to have babies and want to work, before 35 or ideally before 30 would be the way to go for me. I'm going as far as saying that in the exact moment she says ''I don't care/after 35'' I lose any interest in the girl, just like I would if a girl aged 25+ would tell me ''no babies''.

Tell the partner you're sleeping with that you take the pill. Get prego. Profit.

There is no good time.

That being said, you don't need everything in life to fit neatly into a plan. Figure out what's important to you and act accordingly. If having kids is a huge priority and having a career is equally important to you, you might try to find a husband who is willing to stay with the kids. Many women don't find guys who make less money than they do attractive, but it works for guys, so why not for you?

No matter what, you are bound by biology. If you wait too long, your only option left will be adoption. Not a bad thing, as far as I'm concerned.

Are you married now or getting married soon?

Collect a bunch of cash by whatever means necessary and hire a live-in nanny. Basically a mother for hire

You're welcome

Bump

Two people that I know and work(ed) in PE have had children while they were in their mid 30s: 1) Got hired as an associate after her IB stint. It didn't have a hit on her career as far as I can tell, primarily because she worked through almost the entire pregnancy (don't discount how much of a strain a baby will take on your body before and after it is being born and your inability to work due to this). Afterwards, she had a nanny who was there from 8am to 9pm. 2) Had been with the firm for about 3 years. She was a clear overperformer (was rumored to get promoted to be a partner after another 1-2 years but before she announced the pregnancy) and took ~3 months off. One of the founding partners didn't like her (and he didn't like that she took so much time off) and made her life a living hell afterwards. She quit and moved to a startup in a different state. If I remember correctly, she also had a nanny for ~12 hours per day.

So as a takeaway from this anecdotal evidence, I would suggest that you get a nanny (which are really expensive by the way), try to be involved as much in the day to day activities even while you are away from the team (dial in to team meetings, etc.), remain close to all deals/port cos which you usually cover and make sure that your husband is understanding all of this from the beginning. I can't stress the last point enough. You definitely need to have an honest discussion with him because this suggested takeaway poses an incredibly strain on you and therefore might have impacts on your baby as well.

I would also add that having a nanny or an au pair has been around for millennia, and all of royalty and the rich outsource everything since the beginning of time - this is how the rich stay rich. The notion that a parent(s) must stay home and be a helicopter 24/7 is a new phenomenon for the past couple of generations that I believe does more harm than good, for both the adult and child, and also from an economic perspective, especially if you are in PE and can afford a full time nanny.

Also with today's technology, freezing embryos (if you're married) is an option as well. We all know that egg age matters, but studies have also shown that male fertility decreases from 35 (quality, movement) so I will not discount age in both sides of the equation. So it's best to "lock in" embryos while you're still young.

Assuming you don't want to raise bratty kids and want to be semi-involved, especially when they're young, I've seen it done successfully two ways. First, as others have said, you wait until you're senior enough to take some time off and not let it hurt your career.

Second, you have them before you start climbing the ladder aggressively. This is what I did. Although I work for a REIT, not PE, I think the similarities of a high-paced finance career apply. I timed my children (3) in my early twenties, after a starter job and during my MBA. At the same time I also started a business from home and did some finance related consulting work. This all took about 5 years and is reflected on my resume (recommended once by a CEO) as "Part time activities due to children".

Personally and professionally I could not have planned it better. From a personal perspective it allowed me to be at at home with my children when they were young (something I'm forever grateful for) and I think it also helped not produce f-upped kids, since they had their mother around when they were young. It really does make a difference - they're a lot more stable and well behaved than they might otherwise be. Yes, it can be challenging to do an MBA with kids, but if you're business minded anyway, studying for an MBA can actually be a welcome break from the mundane drudgery of childcare.

Professionally it was perfect because it wasn't seen as "wasted" time by employers because of the MBA and the startup (they also liked the entrepreneurship it demonstrated). Yet, because I had a job for a few years before the break I wasn't seen as an unproven entity. After that I was able to be hired as a "fresh" MBA. Just try to time your MBA graduation as close as your job search as possible - the further out you get, the harder it is. As is true with most jobs, the best are got by networking, but this is so much more important when you're technically "unemployed". So, key to this formula is maintaining one or two well-placed contacts through the years who will vouch for you and personally help get you interviews when the time comes.

Now that my kids are in school we have a part time nanny (nanny, not daycare is definitely the way to go), but my husband is also very domestic, more senior in his job (so he can take more time off), and does a lot of the house duties. So a husband that will pitch in and be Mr. Mom (and like it!) definitely helps a ton.

Finally, when you do interview, take it upon yourself to set employers' minds at ease about your role as a mother. In one interview when my future boss alluded to the "demands" of the job, I immediately jumped in and told him we are done having kids, we have a nanny, and I'm 110% committed to my career now, with my husband's full support. I'm up for VP at the end of this year, so I'd say things are working out.

Good luck to you!

It seems to me that the main thing is that it was not a teenage pregnancy. And in general, when you are morally ready for it. Of course, it is also important that it does not affect your health. I recently had the opportunity to read good content essays on the page about teenage pregnancy and realized that the main thing is to treat this topic correctly and explain to your children that you need to be careful with this topic. The main thing is to stay strong in spirit because children are a gift of destiny.

Children are a tremendous blessing. Hopefully your employer, colleagues and everyone else will appreciate that and work with you to bring that baby safely into this world. Good luck