How NOT to Network

Following up after an info session is great, especially if you actually took some positive information from it....

However, there is a new email circulating Wall Street that may not dethrone the "Barclays Welcome to the Jungle" one from a few years back but.... here is some examples of exactly how not to network. Keeping out names for the sake of confidentiality even though everyone on the street has seen it with real names...

Overall started out okay...

Hope you've had a good day. First want to thank you for taking time out of your day to come and teach us about finance. I am only a freshman and don't know much, and to be honest I was just so impressed by every single bank employee. Something about your speech just really pumped me up to go into finance, but for some reason I didn't get to ask you some of the questions I had. I was wondering if we could talk on the phone for a few minutes tomorrow if you have time. Even though everyone was super nice you seemed like the most approachable, but I didn't really get to ask you anything! I assume you're super busy, but let me know if you have 10 minutes or so. Your introduction definitely galvanized me to pursue finance.

After agreeing to a quick phone call is really where the s*** hit the fan:

Also this will seem random and presumptuous but I feel compelled to share. I see the price of oil skyrocketing to a stratospheric high in the next 1.5 year. I could give a robust international studies justification but that wastes both of our time. The reasons lie in Venezuela, Syria/Russia, Saudi Arabia, and Nigeria. This probably sounds arrogant but there is literally no doubt in my mind. I could be wrong. Look forward to talking to you

no response: so (s)he followed up with the real winner

One more thing. My instincts tell me the volcano Crater Rock will erupt in October this year and destroy the entire Pacific Northwest. It hit me in my geology class today. There will be a hole in the United States in a few months. Take these with a grain of salt Ashley and know that I hope I'm wrong.

Gotta love the hustle

Mod Note (Andy): top 50 posts of 2017, this one ranks #36 (based on # of silver bananas)

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Comments (116)

Apr 13, 2017

Got it this morning, absolutely love this kid.

"literally no doubt in my mind. I could be wrong." Had me rolling

    • 13
Dec 25, 2017

Already bought only uncovered levered oil calls and sold my house in Seattle because of the impending Volcano....

    • 3
Dec 26, 2017
Wallstreetneversleeps:

Already bought only uncovered levered oil calls and sold my house in Seattle because of the impending Volcano....

Kid is a champ.

Best Response
Apr 13, 2017
Wallstreetneversleeps:

I am only a freshman and don't know much

My instincts tell me the volcano Crater Rock will erupt in October this year and destroy the entire Pacific Northwest.

that escalated quickly

    • 59
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Dec 25, 2017

Like picking a movie or a place to get dinner, always trust your instincts, even if you are saying Armageddon to the Pacific NW

Apr 14, 2017

that's why i'm in mexico...

WSO's COO (Chief Operating Orangutan) | My Linkedin

    • 2
Apr 15, 2017

US, Argentina, (probably some Asian country), now Mexico. Surprise me and go somewhere really wild.

Absolute truths don't exist... celebrated opinions do.

Apr 14, 2017

well the more wild the place the less likely there's wifi...

ps yes i lived in China haha

WSO's COO (Chief Operating Orangutan) | My Linkedin

Apr 15, 2017

I hear Russia has connection speeds that can reach up to 64Mbps

Absolute truths don't exist... celebrated opinions do.

    • 1
Apr 20, 2017

Did you use Onavo or Betternet ?

Apr 21, 2017

China has wifi, you just find odd glitches the closer you get to Tianamen. My google maps worked perfectly fucking well in Kashgar and Urumqi, and I had no issues even on like the 3rd ring road (Drum Towers). but try to get from the "sitting on the wall" hostel to the PBOC (my favorite no warning crash pad in Central Bei Jing) and you find your wifi suddenly snuffs out just north of the Jingshan Park... has happened like 3 different times on 3 different visits spanning 10 years,Odd.
Also- Side Note Andy, what is the over/under on how many of these shirts you have gifted your friends and relatives over the years?

    • 2
Apr 14, 2017

BJ... boca juniors? never was a big fan of them, bombanera is fun but picking a team in BA is instant trouble.... "te gusta a Boca Juniors?! en serio? pq?! yo syo river, uds son putos " jaja

WSO's COO (Chief Operating Orangutan) | My Linkedin

    • 1
Dec 26, 2017

You seem a bit butthurt by this. He didn't respond to your e-mails. He didn't want to talk. Don't harass professionals. Just because he is an alum of your school doesn't mean he has to talk to an clear his schedule for your all-important generic questions. Further, why are you calling him if you aren't so impressed by his credentials? You seem to look down on his position because he is not some "hot shot Goldman Banker," but you're a lowly, over-aggressive college student with an over-inflated ego.

Calm down. He didn't want to talk, get over it.

    • 1
    • 1
Dec 26, 2017
LHDan:

You seem a bit butthurt by this.

Dec 26, 2017

I'll have to agree here. He has no reason to help you to be honest. In fact, you have nothing to offer him. If anything, you could ruin his reputation if he referred you and you turned out to be a horrible candidate. Just look at it from the other perspective.

Now if someone called me I'd be absolutely glad to help them, but don't ever expect help, be grateful for those who do offer.

Dec 26, 2017
LHDan:

You seem a bit butthurt by this. He didn't respond to your e-mails. He didn't want to talk. Don't harass professionals. Just because he is an alum of your school doesn't mean he has to talk to an clear his schedule for your all-important generic questions. Further, why are you calling him if you aren't so impressed by his credentials? You seem to look down on his position because he is not some "hot shot Goldman Banker," but you're a lowly, over-aggressive college student with an over-inflated ego.

Calm down. He didn't want to talk, get over it.

nailed it.

Dec 26, 2017

If you go to "a fairly small school known for its tight alum network", why would you post this here? It would be very easy to figure out who you are. Then, all it takes is someone to alert the "asshole" and have him forward your resume to other banks with a big "DO NOT HIRE" attached to it. Even if the guy works at a firm that is not "considered highly prestigious ", he probably knows many guys at top banks. Avoid moves like this. Finance is a small world and everyone knows everyone.

Dec 26, 2017
Peabody:

If you go to "a fairly small school known for its tight alum network", why would you post this here? It would be very easy to figure out who you are. Then, all it takes is someone to alert the "asshole" and have him forward your resume to other banks with a big "DO NOT HIRE" attached to it. Even if the guy works at a firm that is not "considered highly prestigious ", he probably knows many guys at top banks. Avoid moves like this. Finance is a small world and everyone knows everyone.

Grow some balls. The OP did not do anything wrong. That guy is a jerk and if I were the OP I would post his name on here and where he works. "Finance is a small world" for jerks too.

Dec 26, 2017

Wow. Granted after two unanswered emails it's probably best not to call; you're doing so at your own risk and there's always a good chance of catching someone in the middle of a stressful project. However his follow up email wasn't necessary. Probably better to send something like, "I apologize for not getting back to your earlier. I wish I could help but I don't think I could be of any service at this point. Best of luck!"

Dec 26, 2017

That is awful, and being busy is an awful excuse. Even banking hours aren't wall to wall work; there's time in there for a quick chat. A reply to your first email saying he had nothing to offer would have taken the same amount of time as his self-important reply.

Keep your head up and keep networking. Be fond of these stories because someday when you're in the position to help kids that want to network into you, you can feel that much better about taking an interest in the success of fellow alums.

I commiserate. What a huge dick.

    • 2
Dec 26, 2017

On the one hand, I understand how you feel about this. You're trying to get some help here and he throws cold water in your face and gives an asshole response with it.

That said:

1.) You're not entitled to other peoples' help.
2.) It's possible to succeed without other people's help.
3.) Bankers are assholes. It's par for the course. Traders are even worse. Hey, he could have laughed at you and THEN hung up. (Which I've seen before.)

Warm welcome to finance! :D

    • 1
Dec 26, 2017
IlliniProgrammer:

On the one hand, I understand how you feel about this. You're trying to get some help here and he throws cold water in your face and gives an asshole response with it.

That said:

1.) You're not entitled to other peoples' help.

2.) It's possible to succeed without other people's help.

3.) Bankers are assholes. It's par for the course. Traders are even worse. Hey, he could have laughed at you and THEN hung up. (Which I've seen before.)

Warm welcome to finance! :D

let me guess, this guy is within the first 1-2years of his career. having just come out of my first few years.. i see analysts (ok, including myself) abusing the little bit of 'mentor' power all the time.

for example, at my last get together with a few others in big banks, all i heard were these little 2012/2013 recent alums bitching about how 'rude' the undergrad that reached out to them were.. with examples to poke fun at. i'm pretty sure i was an a-hole at some point myself, but trust me you grow out of it.

i have no idea what you posted originally.. but with that said, i agree illini above.
you are not entitled by any means BUT it sounds like he took the extra time (i.e. same time to tell you he's busy or 1-2 quick advice and shoo you away) to chew you out. that's a bit unnecessary.

more on #2 above. it's possible succeed without others' help.. this is hard. but it is definitely, definitely possible to succeed without this particular alum's help. just reach out to another. be less aggressive next time. and pick someone older than 1-2years in, they tend to be more mature; if they do respond chances are they will have meaningful things to say. if they don't have time, by this point they've learned to just not respond and not overpromise. i'm clearly saying this from personal experience. ;)

good luck

Dec 26, 2017

You do realize that one day you're going to have to write a book featuring all the things you've seen in your day, right? That should be a definite best-seller.

Once I did bad and that I heard ever. Twice I did good and that I heard never.

Dec 26, 2017

Sorry you got nuked (and for the bad pun). I've been doing well, but then again I'm just starting out.

    • 1
Dec 26, 2017

Wouldn't let it bother you, but he is a dickhead.

Worst I ever had was one guy replied, "No thanks, email HR." I still sent my generic thank you lol.

Dec 26, 2017
LHDan:

You seem a bit butthurt by this. He didn't respond to your e-mails. He didn't want to talk. Don't harass professionals. Just because he is an alum of your school doesn't mean he has to talk to an clear his schedule for your all-important generic questions. Further, why are you calling him if you aren't so impressed by his credentials? You seem to look down on his position because he is not some "hot shot Goldman Banker," but you're a lowly, over-aggressive college student with an over-inflated ego.

Calm down. He didn't want to talk, get over it.

Not butthurt, just very surprised based on everything else I've experienced so far and wanted to share the story. Every other time people responded saying they didn't want to talk they would just say something along the lines of "I can't offer much, sorry." I don't think 2 emails with the first one being in March (I actually just double checked) is considered harassing anyone. To clarify I sent the second one to a different email address because very often I know the one that is on the alumni network is old and not checked anymore. I've had alums previously respond months later saying they missed the first one because it's an old one they only check periodically.

I never said I wasn't impressed by his credentials. I simply meant it would at least be sort of understandable if he worked at Goldman, widely considered as the firm on the Street with the highest prestige.

As to the point by someone else about referring somebody and risk ruining their reputation, I feel like that shouldn't be a factor because he doesn't have to refer me to anyone at all.

yeahright:

Wouldn't let it bother you, but he is a dickhead.

Worst I ever had was one guy replied, "No thanks, email HR." I still sent my generic thank you lol.

Haha who doesn't love a good pun.

    • 1
Dec 26, 2017
NuclearPenguins:

I never said I wasn't impressed by his credentials. I simply meant it would at least be sort of understandable if he worked at Goldman, widely considered as the firm on the Street with the highest prestige.

With such flawless logic I can't believe he didn't hire you on the spot

Dec 26, 2017

OP I have a different take to all this. When I was networking with alumni on the street for IB positions I never expected much from anyone. I appreciated whatever was done for me and kept in mind that not every alumni is in a position to help me or further more, he might have had a horrible experience at my school and hence, is not interested in helping me. I relied on my own merit and credentials and I firmly believe merit has gotten me where I am today. Just forget it and move on. If you believe you have the capability to be in IBD just go ahead and make it happen without relying on anyone else help. GL to you.

Dec 26, 2017

You sound like one annoying bitch.

    • 1
Dec 26, 2017
Flake:

You sound like one annoying bitch.

speed boost blaze

    • 1
Dec 26, 2017
Flake:

You sound like one annoying bitch.

LOL

Dec 26, 2017

Guys, I'm the negatively resistant guy who hates overly-aggressive college kids and got the job through two rounds of interviews that were entirely technical questions from people he'd never met before.

1.) Yes, OP is overly aggressive. He's pissed he got shot down. He should not be surprised- this behavior is quite annoying.
2.) He's a 20-year-old college kid, not some 25 year old creepy guido from Jersey trying to pick up your girlfriend. He is annoying, he may be an unintentional asshole, but this is somewhat forgivable.

We've broken the news to him. He needs to have some decorum; we need to have a bit of mercy.

    • 2
Dec 26, 2017

+1 IlliniProgrammer.

Sure there is no sense being super mad about what happened, but I still think there's no excuse for being a dick to someone you don't even know, under any circumstance. For everyone judging OP harshly, remember: if nobody has EVER given you a break or treated you kindly, then go ahead and be harsh. But if you've ever had a kind or encouraging word from a stranger (happens all the time on WSO) then lighten up.

Even if we can't expect results or hand-holding while networking, it would be a really great world if we could all expect common courtesy.

    • 3
Dec 26, 2017

I don't see why people are knocking the OP for being "overly aggressive.". I think calling was a bit much (I would typically refrain from calling folks if you are actively attempting to connect via e-mail), but in OP's defense:
- A no reply isn't a, "leave me alone."
- The alum could have handled much better.
- How many hundreds of threads are on this site suggesting students take an overly aggressive networking approach?

I have emailed an alum who never responded; when I met them a few months later, great people. Fact is, people get busy and don't always respond - it happens.

Dec 26, 2017
IlliniProgrammer:

On the one hand, I understand how you feel about this. You're trying to get some help here and he throws cold water in your face and gives an asshole response with it.

That said:

1.) You're not entitled to other peoples' help.
2.) It's possible to succeed without other people's help.
3.) Bankers are assholes. It's par for the course. Traders are even worse. Hey, he could have laughed at you and THEN hung up. (Which I've seen before.)

Warm welcome to finance! :D

Spot on...pretty much exactly what I would have responded with. Although I'm not sure I would describe traders as "much worse", maybe "have greater capacity to be less tactful".

Dec 26, 2017
Going Concern:

Although I'm not sure I would describe traders as "much worse", maybe "have greater capacity to be less tactful".

I'm going to kill your usually three hour editing chain here because I can and Thursday is Friday on campus. :D

Dec 26, 2017

The email was definitely a dick move and could have been worded more politely. This is a good lesson in developing a thick skin though. You're going to need it even more once you actually have a job.

Dec 26, 2017
IlliniProgrammer:
Going Concern:

Although I'm not sure I would describe traders as "much worse", maybe "have greater capacity to be less tactful".

I'm going to kill your usually three hour editing chain here because I can and Thursday is Friday on campus.

I see what you did there...

Glass houses...

Dec 26, 2017

@NuclearPenguins: I love how you trash your alum for not being a "Goldman Sachs hotshot" who only works at a "MM shop" when you would give your left nut and trade your first born son to have his job. Sounds like the only douche is you.

@OnlyGWBushesandHicksComeFromTexas: lol go ahead and try that. I guarantee that you will win the 2013 Jeffrey Chiang award and get blackballed from Wall Street before your career even starts.

    • 1
Dec 26, 2017
udkeudke:

@NuclearPenguins: I love how you trash your alum for not being a "Goldman Sachs hotshot" who only works at a "MM shop" when you would give your left nut and trade your first born son to have his job. Sounds like the only douche is you.

@OnlyGWBushesAndHicksComeFromTexas: lol go ahead and try that. I guarantee that you will win the 2013 Jeffrey Chiang award and get blackballed from Wall Street before your career even starts.

Or maybe he will. Have you thought that? I would also report him to the alumni association of the university.

Dec 26, 2017

@GWBushesandHicksComeFromTexas: Wow just wow. I am honestly at a loss for words. Wall Street is an industry that takes care of its own. If you think for one second that the Street is going to side with a kid that is butt hurt because he was ignored by a professional that you are openly harassing at work then I don't know what the fuck to tell you.

Look kid, you are looking to break into one of the most cutthroat, competetive, testosterone driven industries out there. If you can't handle a busy professional blowing you off than you are entering the wrong business. Sounds like you are more cut out to be a kindergarten aide.

P.S. What happened to manliness in America?I guess this is what participation trophies has wrought.

    • 1
Dec 26, 2017
udkeudke:

@GWBushesandHicksComeFromTexas: Wow just wow. I am honestly at a loss for words. Wall Street is an industry that takes care of its own. If you think for one second that the Street is going to side with a kid that is butt hurt because he was ignored by a professional that you are openly harassing at work then I don't know what the fuck to tell you.

Look kid, you are looking to break into one of the most cutthroat, competetive, testosterone driven industries out there. If you can't handle a busy professional blowing you off than you are entering the wrong business. Sounds like you are more cut out to be a kindergarten aide.

P.S. What happened to manliness in America?I guess this is what participation trophies has wrought.

I don't know....What happened to manliness in Brazil, Venezuela, Nicaragua, Mexico and Canada? Hard to say because America is a very big continent, unless you are from the US and are affected by superiority complex and think America is a country. If that's the case, you are simply ignorant, not manly.

The OP did not arass anyone. He is not the Pope or Beckham, just need to get over himself. I work in the industry and regularly make myself available to talk to alumni. Nobody is that "busy". They are just pretending to be "busy" to cover up their lack of productivity and to stroke their ego as if working a lot makes you cool. Well you are not, you are just that type of guy who never got laid growing up and thinks money will help him do so. You obviously never excelled at anything, or sports or you wouldn't be an asshole to people.

Dec 26, 2017
OnlyGWBushesAndHicksComeFromTexas:

I don't know....What happened to manliness in Brazil, Venezuela, Nicaragua, Mexico and Canada? Hard to say because America is a very big continent, unless you are from the US and are affected by superiority complex and think America is a country. If that's the case, you are simply ignorant, not manly.

What is this piddling bullshit? America is a country. Fuck off.

By the way, even if you were right, "The Americas" are actually more than one continent.

Dec 26, 2017
prospie:
OnlyGWBushesAndHicksComeFromTexas:

I don't know....What happened to manliness in Brazil, Venezuela, Nicaragua, Mexico and Canada? Hard to say because America is a very big continent, unless you are from the US and are affected by superiority complex and think America is a country. If that's the case, you are simply ignorant, not manly.

What is this piddling bullshit? America is a country. Fuck off.

By the way, even if you were right, "The Americas" are actually more than one continent.

Only in the imaginary world of the average ignorant yank like GWBush or Sara Palin.

    • 1
Dec 26, 2017
OnlyGWBushesAndHicksComeFromTexas:
prospie:
OnlyGWBushesAndHicksComeFromTexas:

I don't know....What happened to manliness in Brazil, Venezuela, Nicaragua, Mexico and Canada? Hard to say because America is a very big continent, unless you are from the US and are affected by superiority complex and think America is a country. If that's the case, you are simply ignorant, not manly.

What is this piddling bullshit? America is a country. Fuck off.

By the way, even if you were right, "The Americas" are actually more than one continent.

Only in the imaginary world of the average ignorant yank like GWBush or Sara Palin.

*Sarah Palin

Dec 26, 2017

Either troll or dense.

North and South America are continentS (plural, hombre). "The Americas" is a collective term to refer to said continents. "America" is a term used in the VAST majority of the world to refer to a country officially titled "The United States of America."

"Yes. Money has been a little bit tight lately, but at the end of my life, when I'm sitting on my yacht, am I gonna be thinking about how much money I have? No. I'm gonna be thinking about how many friends I have and my children and my comedy albums."

Dec 26, 2017
SilvioBerlusconi:

Either troll or dense.

North and South America are continentS (plural, hombre). "The Americas" is a collective term to refer to said continents. "America" is a term used in the VAST majority of the world to refer to a country officially titled "The United States of America."

Don't you remember that movie "Coming to America" where Eddie Murphy came to Brazil looking for a potential queen and worked at a McDowell's? Oh, right that was the USA, not Brazil.

Dec 26, 2017

can anyone tell me what the alum replied since the OP edited the post

Dec 26, 2017

1.) I recommend we lock this thread.
2.) For the record, I think
a 25 or 30 year old investment banker:
(A) has more at stake than OP and
(B) should have known better but

(C) OP is wise not to screw himself and the other guy, though. This won't end up like Jeffrey Chiang or Alexey Vayner, but it will be 1/10th as bad for him.

Dec 26, 2017

Anybody want to summarize the story in OP's post?

I assume it went something like this:

1.) OP reached out to alum
2.) Alum never got back
3.) OP continued to reach out to the point of annoying the alum
4.) The alum fired back with a harsh email

Please advise.

Dec 26, 2017

The alum hung up on a cold call and then sent a mildly harsh email. OP was considering releasing the name and firm of the alum.

    • 1
Dec 26, 2017
udkeudke:

The alum hung up on a cold call and then sent a mildly harsh email. OP was considering releasing the name and firm of the alum.

Thanks for the heads up.

I wonder if OP posted the alum's email reply. That would've been a surefire way to blacklist yourself.

    • 1
Dec 26, 2017
ManyHenny:
udkeudke:

The alum hung up on a cold call and then sent a mildly harsh email. OP was considering releasing the name and firm of the alum.

Thanks for the heads up.

I wonder if OP posted the alum's email reply. That would've been a surefire way to blacklist yourself.

He did post the email reply originally. Did not threaten to post the guy's name or firm, but still, not smart stuff.

Dec 26, 2017
udkeudke:

The alum hung up on a cold call and then sent a mildly harsh email. OP was considering releasing the name and firm of the alum.

I don't remember that part.

OP was complaining. It's ok to come here to vent.

We have to remember what we were up against at age 20 and 21. They're *not *quite fully grown adults *yet. We don't have to cut them a lot of slack, but it's ok to cut them a little.

Dec 26, 2017
udkeudke:

The alum hung up on a cold call and then sent a mildly harsh email. OP was considering releasing the name and firm of the alum.

Uh no, not at all? I think you're getting me confused with someone else who is commenting here. But then, that would be strange because his/her comments are still up, and our usernames are wildly different.

Dec 26, 2017

Quit trolling. OP made no mention of releasing the guys name or firm.

Dec 26, 2017

Meh. In this age of social media, you gotta be careful what you put in an email, especially to someone you don't know. Why not call the kid to chew him out for kicks?

Dec 26, 2017

Can someone post the link?

Dec 26, 2017

Dumb move on the alum's part. Gives his firm a bad rep (you can bet OP will tell his friends at school, those friends tell their friends etc.) And you never know, the college kid you spurn today could be your boss in a few years. There are some on the street who know this and treat talented young guys with an appropriate amount of respect. Others who don't, like this alum, will get what's coming to him. No matter how long you've been in this industry, there is always someone younger, smarter, and more talented than you on his way in, so be nice.

Dec 26, 2017

Yes please post the link if possible.

Dec 26, 2017

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=ame...

A country that claims the name of an entire continent to itself alone for no compelling reason.
Mexicans, Colombians, Brazilians... they're Americans too.

1. (technical) A large area of land between the Atlantic and the Pacific, which includes the countries of the USA, Canada, Mexico, Brazil, Peru, Chile, Argentina, Bolivia, and others.

Dec 26, 2017
OnlyGWBushesAndHicksComeFromTexas:

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=ame...

A country that claims the name of an entire continent to itself alone for no compelling reason.

Mexicans, Colombians, Brazilians... they're Americans too.

1. (technical) A large area of land between the Atlantic and the Pacific, which includes the countries of the USA, Canada, Mexico, Brazil, Peru, Chile, Argentina, Bolivia, and others.

We make up half the economic activity on that continent. #ForeignWhiners :-)

Dec 26, 2017

I was recently in Kyrgyzstan for two months, and I would introduce myself as being from America, or in Russian, "Ya iz Ameriky." Everyone understood I was from the country, not the continent.

Dec 26, 2017

The onlygwbushes guy just cited urbandictionary.com as a source. Again, he's either a troll or is missing part of his brain. Either way, disregard him.

"Yes. Money has been a little bit tight lately, but at the end of my life, when I'm sitting on my yacht, am I gonna be thinking about how much money I have? No. I'm gonna be thinking about how many friends I have and my children and my comedy albums."

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Apr 13, 2017

My instincts tell me this kid will not have a job in finance. Ever.

Also, some people I've spoken with who know him personally claim he wasn't trolling.

Dec 25, 2017

(S)he was emailing an MD from Goldman.. would be just rude to troll

Apr 13, 2017

Partner MD*

Apr 23, 2017

Yeah because Goldman has partners that are also directors. /sarcasm

Apr 13, 2017

Sounds like someone really wants to ask Ashley out and thinks these random bursts of "knowledge" will impress her. Don't forget to add on "but I could be wrong" to "stay humble/coachable," just as WSO and other interview guides suggest.

    • 4
Apr 13, 2017

Nailed it. This literally sounds like a freshman who is high off adderall and can't control their thoughts.

    • 1
Apr 13, 2017

Definitely reads like some psychotic episode is about to take place. This is troubling for me as I tend to find freshmen geology students as being my primary go to on market predictions and doomsday theories.

    • 2
Apr 13, 2017

Sounds like this kid took adderall for the first time and just typed whatever came to mind

    • 4
Apr 13, 2017

"Your speech just really pumped me up to go into finance"
"Galvanized"
"A robust international studies justification but that wastes both of our time"
"There is literally no doubt in my mind. I could be wrong"
"Destroy the entire Pacific Northwest"
"It hit me in my geology class"
"There will be a hole in the United States in a few months"
"Know that I hope I'm wrong"

You just got trolled by a bored kid who's already got other plans in life.

    • 2
Apr 13, 2017

I should buy volcano insurance

    • 8
Dec 26, 2017
TippyTop11:

I should buy volcano insurance

That is among the strangest things I have ever read. You don't have it already??? Living in NYC is no excuse.

    • 4
Apr 13, 2017

Nah, been saving up to rent a basement apartment in Venice

    • 6
Apr 14, 2017

, Italy? I hear that market's flooded. My basement mortgage is already underwater.

    • 24
Apr 13, 2017

someone gets it. +1 sb

Apr 15, 2017

this one gave me a good old fashioned full belly laugh ... thanks for that. +1 SB

    • 1
Apr 20, 2017

Actually laughed out loud in cubicle +1 sb

Apr 21, 2017

would be a good way to get the safe out though.

    • 1
    • 1
Apr 15, 2017

Pompeii = City = Destroyed by volcano
Seattle = City = Destroyed by volcano

WAKE UP SHEEPLE

    • 1
Apr 17, 2017

we've never had any trouble with volcanos here, but i think we're due for one

Apr 23, 2017

Golden. +1 SB

Dec 25, 2017

A hole in the United States is my favourite line...like not even buy this insurance stock, or these natural disaster relief companies.... a hole will take a chunk out of the USA.... the value add is 10,000+

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Apr 13, 2017
Wallstreetneversleeps:

A hole in the United States is my favourite line...like not even buy this insurance stock, or these natural disaster relief companies.... a hole will take a chunk out of the USA.... the value add is 10,000+

10,000+ what? Volcanoes? God help us all.

Apr 15, 2017

Isn't it obvious? Short the Pacific Northwest

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Apr 13, 2017

While unrelated to your post, I'd like to share something in the spirit of "how not to network"...

To those aspiring to break in - email can work, but please keep your messages short and sweet. I get lengthy emails from senior people at my firm frequently because they often think email is like a running diary of their thoughts on an investment opportunity. The last thing I want to do is read a cold email from someone that is 3+ paragraphs long. You don't need that much space to introduce yourself and express interest/what you want.

One of my favorite lines from a former colleague that I like to keep in mind: "Sorry for the long email, I was in a hurry"

Don't be offended if you don't receive a response the first time around - it requires persistence, especially if you're doing out of the blue. Often times I'll place an interesting inquiry from someone in a to-do list folder and I just don't get around to responding to it that week. I may not speak for everyone, but I usually try to connect and follow up if I forgot to reply the first time around and someone sends me another polite follow-up note.

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Apr 14, 2017

the "sorry for the long letter" is a famous quote from (I think) Pascal

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Apr 13, 2017

Adderall's a hell of a drug

Apr 13, 2017

Ashley? He was trying to get his dick wet

Dec 26, 2017
jec:

Ashley? He was trying to get his dick wet

Don't be presumptuous. Ashley is also a man's name, ie unisex

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Apr 25, 2017

Not sure why you got MS for this. I can think of 2 examples of men named Ashley off the top of my head (Ashley Cole the soccer player and Ashley Wallbridge the DJ).

Apr 13, 2017

Has to be a troll. Still somewhat fresh out of high school (those years are when I think you're most susceptible to be a jackass), probably has no desire to be in the career field, probably wanted to rile someone up.

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Apr 14, 2017

I love the response from Ashley to her colleagues: "I'm starting to worry about this guy"

Apr 14, 2017

i have an idea for an email i'm going to send to a bank (anonymously) and see if it makes it back to WSO ...

WSO's COO (Chief Operating Orangutan) | My Linkedin

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Apr 14, 2017

You guys in IB get all the funny emails... I'm jealous. Us plebs in consulting just get the occasional moron asking when Bain is going to be acquired by Accenture.

Apr 14, 2017

Last time I heard, it was Bain getting acquired by PwC/Deloitte.

GoldenCinderblock: "I keep spending all my money on exotic fish so my armor sucks. Is it possible to romance multiple females? I got with the blue chick so far but I am also interested in the electronic chick and the face mask chick."

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Apr 15, 2017

You're way behind, it's now McKinsey getting acquired by Deloitte

Apr 14, 2017

Naah man. McKinsey's acquiring Arthur Andersen. On Skilling's recommendation.

GoldenCinderblock: "I keep spending all my money on exotic fish so my armor sucks. Is it possible to romance multiple females? I got with the blue chick so far but I am also interested in the electronic chick and the face mask chick."

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Apr 13, 2017

actually just read an article on Yahoo! about a volcano in Italy acting up, this kid might be on to something!
Volcano in NW

Jul 14, 2017

"Volcano erputs"

Apr 14, 2017

Hahahaha. I should buy weather swaps on volcanoes in the NW.

Dec 25, 2017

It's like he was trying to double text this chick and when she didn't answer he went straight for the "the worlds ending" card to try to slide in the DM's

Apr 14, 2017

Volcano you say? Hired

Apr 15, 2017

Too funny. I wish I get these emails when I'm in IBD.

Apr 15, 2017

Can you post the full email chain?

Apr 21, 2017

"literally no doubt in my mind. I could be wrong."
SHORT EVERYTHING

Apr 21, 2017

Gotta respect the lack of fucks given

Apr 21, 2017
Apr 23, 2017
Apr 13, 2017
Jul 7, 2017
Jul 14, 2017

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee