I am Depressed

Junior at a school in NYC and am depressed. I thought after getting a BB IBD SA role my life would be amazing but that is not the case one bit. For context I'm 5'4, Asian and ugly. I try all the dating apps and nothing works, I get one match a week that never goes anywhere and whenever I talk to girls at bars/parties they don't reciprocate, height doesn't help. This is also in the largest city in the world so it's not like "Oh it'll get better when you go to the city." I recently got very close with a friend of a friend and I think I had genuine feelings for her but was promptly rejected. How do I get a girl in this, will I always be a incel single?

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Comments (16)

  • Intern in IB-M&A
Nov 18, 2021 - 10:17pm

You're definitely getting neither a white nor an Asian girl, because they all flock to white guys. Your only hope is to lateral to the Shanghai/HK/Singapore office of your bank where your good salary (= high status) will allow you to afford a girl.

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  • Incoming Analyst in IB - Gen
Nov 18, 2021 - 10:36pm

I'm a girl and first of all you need to change your mindset. If you reek of insecurity, the other person will see it. People can smell it from a mile away. Second of all, you need to stop putting people on a pedestal. This will only lead to unrealistic expectations and disappointment.

Also re the comment above, flaunting your job/wealth/status also reeks of insecurity. This is coming from somebody originally from HK. You'll only attract gold diggers who will leave you the millisecond if all the money goes away.

Nov 19, 2021 - 6:53am

Tighten up, this is a first-world problem. At last, one that won't stick around for too long. I'm a firm believer that there's a person for everyone out there. If you want some instant gratification, pull out your wallet and buy this book (Date-onomics: How Dating Became a Lopsided Numbers Game https://www.amazon.com/dp/076118208X/ref=cm_sw_r_cp_api_glt_fabc_9G369E…).

I've always been an econ nerd and while doing random google searches I came across this masterpiece. Certainly a great read and as an added bonus, it'll help you reflect on your situation with a clear, newly-found perspective

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Nov 19, 2021 - 8:41am

Dating is a numbers game and it's a known fact it's usually stacked against guys. It's not a bad thing to feel insecure but there's a lot of things you can do to change that. For me, starting to go to the gym and talking to a lot of female friends helped me figure out that most people don't care about your mistakes. If you shoot your shot and get rejected they'll probably forget in around 20 minutes.

So basic advice would be - if you just signed, you got plenty of time - start hitting the gym or doing other interesting things that you have a passion for. Develop on that and also don't be afraid to talk to chicks. This is honestly the hardest part but I've found just opening with a compliment and introducing myself works well. And then just gauge how they respond. They won't always reciprocate and that's fine bro - just move onto the next person and forget about them.

It's like networking - you were probably scared shitless your first call but after a while you start to get in the groove of things.

Nov 19, 2021 - 8:44am

In regards to dating apps - unless you're an attractive guy or decent looking guy who's fit/has interesting pictures, you're probably not going to find much luck. That's fine - if dating apps isn't your thing then just stick to meeting people in social settings and through friends

  • Analyst 1 in AM - Equities
Nov 19, 2021 - 9:32am

stop jerking

gym

realize u have the potential to be just fucked in the head and just disregard risk when it comes to putting yourself out there

stop being a bitch u got this 

  • Intern in IB - Gen
Nov 19, 2021 - 9:32am

Bro get shredded. Muscles hide your emotions. Youre not wrong to think that women often go for superficial things, but that's just the way it is. Just like how IB is super selective, and you got to be confident in your interviews, you have to set up yourself to face plenty of rejections until you meet your Goldman.

Behaviorals: be funny, don't ever talk about Republican view points, and never talk about "how you're so ugly" no one likes that stuff early on. Keep that stuff for when you land your dream partner. Confidence is key, in IB and life. DONT GO ON INCEL PAGES I CANNOT STRESS THIS ENOUGH IT WILL MESS WITH YOU

Technicals: your height can be seen as a disadvantage but I know plenty of short guys out there who have gotten hella dates. Go to the gym, start eating healthy. If you care about yourself others will start to care too. You don't need to be yoked, but definition definitely helps.

Get a supportive group of friends from different backgrounds, go hang out with them, put girls at the back of your mind. If you get a woman great! Otherwise theresalways next time. I lost 60 pounds and had sex for the first time 2 years ago. I'm telling you taking care of yourself can be hard, but doing it will make you feel the best you ever have. It's a drug with literal only health benefits. And remember, no partner is ever worth enough of your time for you to get depressed. Family and friends should always be put above your sex life.

Love you bud, stay strong.

  • Chad Intern #4689
Nov 19, 2021 - 9:32am

The 1 good thing about being short, it's easier to look swole . So hit the gym , even if it means focusing on the bro split, ie.. chest, arms, shoulders. Who cares about leg day, You don't need to be out in the real world playing Superman and flipping cars over 

like other guy said - don't be the guy making jokes about your insecurities. Embrace the shortness but don't let It define you. Be funny and clever, but don't be the guy who's trying super hard to make jokes about everything 

Nov 19, 2021 - 9:32am

Leg day is important because it accesses the second largest muscle in your body (quads). This is helpful in increasing your metabolism and T levels. If you want to get big and lean, hitting the quads is a vital step.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

Nov 19, 2021 - 9:32am

Looks and height matter but they are hurdles that can be overcome. Have some confidence in yourself and also some self-respect. Like others mentioned, you should try to be the best version of yourself and always try to keep improving. Plenty of girls out there all you have to do is shoot your shot. I always get nervous before doing so but even if you get rejected or she has a boyfriend you'll feel good that you went ahead and did it. No regrets, no what-ifs, and no being an incel.

  • Analyst 1 in IB - Gen
Nov 19, 2021 - 9:32am

What I have found works for me, is just hitting the gym and connecting with friends and family. Work keeps me busy but I try to find time to call up and stay in contact with my little brother who is 11 years old and ask him about how school went, what cool projects is he working on, what is his favourite youtuber etc. - it makes me feel really happy listening to him. And honestly I think happiness like this spills over into other areas of your life, which brings about positive change. Girls should not be the focus of your life, they are just an add-on - they come with pros and cons. If you desperate for affection, find it in other places. Hope this helps.

  • Analyst 1 in IB - Gen
Nov 19, 2021 - 9:32am

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