Is it even possible to beat mental illness?
Realistically I've been alone for the past 7-8years (26 now), after graduating college I realized the friends I did have were just drinking buddies. We had nothing in common besides getting fucked up and doing stupid shit together. Immediately after I graduated and moved for work they stopped texting me or answering my calls. I've never had a girlfriend, shit I've never even been on a date in my life. I have family that I talk to once maybe every 2-3 months. I'm depressed and lonely out of my mind. I work, nap, watch Netflix, sleep, and repeat. I'm terrified to leave the apartment most days and I don't even have an acquaintance I can text to grab a beer.
I had it under "control" for awhile, but these past six or so months have been bad. To the point I was physically sick for a couple weeks. It's impacting my work, I can barely speak to anyone without tripping over my words, and I'm constantly exhausted. Every 10 minutes at work I just stop and stare at the screen to zone out or get distracted in my thoughts (nothing positive). I've luckily been a top performer, I received 3 promotions in 3 years so I have a long leash but I know it's going to catch up to me eventually.
I'm in therapy, on meds, and have bi-monthly doctor appointments but none of this shit works. My therapist wants me to do a partial hospitalization program but I can't leave work 4pm-7pm 3 days a week.
It's terrifying watching yourself become a shell of your former self while your career slips from your hands and knowing your future personal life looks just as bleak.