Romance my way into PE?

Armhoo1's picture
Armhoo1 - Certified Professional
Rank: Senior Baboon | banana points 205

When we talk about hustle, usually that means extreme networking or something. In my case, I recently met a second year associate at mega fund in NYC. I know she's single, and was the first to text me about something random. Quite frankly, the topic of conversation sounded more like an excuse to initiate dialogue.

She's seems down to earth, plus she's kinda cute too. Should I just play along if she can get me in? I don't know what kind of pull she would have, if any at all. I don't want her to think I have an ulterior motive. Mostly I don't. I can't tell if I truly like her because of her or because of her job.

Don't tell me to marry her and just let her bring home the beacon lol. Even if she can help, I just want an intro/reference, not a job on a silver platter. She's got a typical background for PE; Ivy educated, two years at a BB, and then PE. My background is semi-target with LevFin experience at a regional commercial bank.

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Comments (50)

Funniest
Jan 11, 2019

In case you're wondering, which I'm sure most of you aren't, we met a couple weeks ago on tinder. Both of use were trying to get our broken hearts repaired. ***

Corrected your last line there for ya champ

Cultivating mass and wealth since '95

    • 6
Jan 11, 2019

Ha! If only Tinder was that good. The best I've done on a dating app has been an accountant at a Big Four.

Jan 11, 2019

I personally think it would be a really messy situation. Not sure if I'm inferring things right from the post, but I think it would be a massive dick move to use her that way. Date her if you like her but I'd keep work out of it.

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Jan 11, 2019

Not trying to be d-bag. I like her, but obviously we've both got our own careers to focus on. Understand that from my perspective, I'm in between a rock and a hard place. Hypothetically, if we work together, do I really want to mix business and pleasure? If she wants to be more than just friends, and I don't go for it, she's probably gonna be offended (at least a little bit). When's the last time you got an intro from someone you offended? haha.

I could pretend like I never met her. But it seems foolish to burn a bridge like this. If you think about it, something like this can make or break a career. I think the best course of action is just to play it by ear. Who knows, maybe she can't help me break into PE anyway. Having that clarity would make it easier to figure out the situation though.

Jan 11, 2019

Is this a joke

    • 3
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Jan 11, 2019

Nope, its the real deal.

Most Helpful
Jan 14, 2019

why not see how it goes and date if it works out...then later on have her introduce you to a colleague at a separate fund. Win-win

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Jan 15, 2019

I love this idea that getting a PE job is about "breaking in". Just hustle, meet the right people and leverage it into that one opportunity to dazzle them in an interview.

I'm not sure I've ever heard anything so stupid in my whole life. I once heard a guy say he can't get downstairs because the escalators are broken. Escalators. But that probably wasn't as dumb as this strategizing.about how screwing the right girl can get you into PE if you just play your cards right.

Jan 15, 2019

Right!?

People sound so stupid for saying shit like "its not about what you know, it about who you know".

And why the fuck do people care so much about "Ivy" schools? Like what's the difference between Harvard and Kommunity College?

Jackass.

The difference is that Harvard has an alumni network. The only network you'll get with community college is Netgear (maybe Cisco if you're lucky).

Jan 16, 2019

You're right. That's the difference between Harvard and community college. The network.

Jan 16, 2019

Right, the quality of school has zero impact on how your CV looks especially in high finance. Are you serious?

Jan 12, 2019

I think you'd need to sleep with a managing partner to get into a megafund doing LevFin at Fifth Third...

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Jan 12, 2019

Nah, with my background I prolly gotta bed Steve Schwarzman himself lol.

And how do you know I'm not at Regions? Obviously that's light years better. Obviously.

Jan 14, 2019

You have to decide whether you want a personal or professional relationship here. I doubt she'll be offended as long as you are clear. I definitely would not try one angle to get at the other. Definite way to come off as a user of people and get blackballed when it comes to her.

    • 1
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Jan 14, 2019

Wife her

    • 1
Jan 14, 2019

What @Returnofthemack said makes sense to me. She probably knows people at other funds and can introduce you. For this it doesn't matter whether your're friends or mates. So just play along and see where it leads you.

What I don't understand is why you think a romantic relationship with her would get you a job at the fund she's working at. It would never cross my mind to get my new gf a job at my company, possibly in the same division. She's probably able to see the same issues I do.

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Jan 15, 2019

When did I ever say I want a job alongside her at the same firm/division? What I would like, is an intro or reference, preferably at a different firm. And I don't care what anyone says, people are more receptive to warm intros even if a resume isn't perfect (but as long as it isn't a total shit show either).

The mind fuck is that if we get into a relationship, at what point, if any, is it ok to ask a GF for a professional favor...without it seeming premeditated? That's not what I'm doing here, but that what she may think.

Jan 16, 2019

From your opening post it's not clear whether you want to get an introduction to her fund or other funds. But alright, now we know.

I would come up with the idea to introduce my partner to other firms by myself. So you might not need to ask. The bigger question is whether you actually like her. Because getting into a relationship with her while you don't would be a dick move. You can only find out by continuing to talk to her.

Jan 15, 2019

You will have to play the long game here and finesse the situation to where she thinks its her idea to introduce you to a colleague at another fund.

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Jan 15, 2019

This is Inception in a nutshell. Genius.

Jan 15, 2019

As soon as you both are in the same firm, and probably the same division, under the same HR, this relationship turns into a ticking time-bomb

"If you ain't first, you're last!" - GOAT

Jan 15, 2019

I'll worry about that when I get there, if ever.

Jan 15, 2019

Sorry to be pessimistic, but it seems fitting for a naive sociopath. First, it is going to take A LOT more than just an associate recommendation (i.e. your GF) to get you an interview at a mega fund... Going from commercial banking to mega fund directly is close to unheard of, so her dad better be Leon Black. Second, you are giving out way too much detail here. Maybe she doesn't use WSO, but you must direly lack judgement if you don't realize how quickly this could make you the laughing stock of an entire industry. Your one group message away to black balling yourself from large cap private equity at large. Honestly, this has to be a troll; how can someone not recognize how unbelievably stupid this is??

"Rage, rage against the dying of the light."

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Jan 15, 2019

Only thing more cringeworthy than OP is the guys proposing he play the long game to get placed at a different fund...

    • 1
Jan 17, 2019

Clearly a socially affluent group we're dealing with here...

"Rage, rage against the dying of the light."

Jan 15, 2019

I would like to make a few points here, if I may.

First of all, I've heard people (on this very site) trying to break into PE from a wealth management background. That's not to say they were successful, but in comparison, my profile seems much, MUCH better.

Secondly, the specific type of commercial banking I'm in, leveraged finance, is respected by most PE firms. If I was at a BB, this wouldn't be a topic of discussion. But you work with what you have.

Third, most people at mega funds are smart, but didn't necessarily go to an Ivy. Many went to public Ivies/semi-targets.

You're right that there was a piece of info that may have been a bit too detailed. I've since removed it. Thanks for the heads-up, seriously. With that being said, I will run down Wall Street butt-naked, smack dab in the middle of winter, if you can find the specific girl I'm taking about. I'll even give you 10 tries. Here's what you know from my original post...

"down to earth"
"kinda cute"
"NYC"
"single"
likes to text random shit
works at a "mega fund"
"Ivy educated"
"two years at a BB"

And if she doesn't have a Linkedin (I'm not saying she does/doesn't), what makes you think she has time for WSO? Also, based on her resume, I don't think she needs us.

Jan 15, 2019
Armhoo1:

First of all, I've heard people (on this very site) trying to break into PE from a wealth management background. That's not to say they were successful, but in comparison, my profile seems much, MUCH better.

So in other words, it's ok to do dumb shit because other people do really dumb shit.

Also, you still left more than enough specifics. I won't repeat them here, in the unlikely event you're smart enough to remove them.

Jan 15, 2019

I've heard of people getting into PE with a similar background as me. Want proof? Check out WallStreetOasis.com. Its dope.

Please be specific about "specifics". Here's a challenge for you. I will run down Wall Street butt-naked, smack dab in the middle of winter, if you can find my Linkedin profile. Do you realize that if you and @Elite_Bulge1969" succeed, that's a round trip!

Here's what you know about me from my original post...

"NYC" implied
knows how to text message
"LevFin experience at a regional commercial bank"
Looking to break into PE...BECAUSE I'M THE ONLY DUDE WITH THIS GOAL lol

Jan 16, 2019

If she's not on WSO then you're right. If she is, she's the only girl in PE who met a guy at the apple store recently, who was getting his screen fixed and who got this text and so on.

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Jan 16, 2019

Even though he wasn't trying to, @thestranger just proved the "sample" size is bigger than you think.

It's funny how bitter you are that you're hoping that I get screwed. But banking is cut-throat and full of back stabbers, so I get where you're coming from.

Jan 16, 2019

All good brah. I've seen this arc on WSO before. OP says something extremely dumb, someone calls him on it, OP engages that person further (making more dumb comments in the process) and OP eventually realizes his foolishness and resorts to calling the other guy angry/bitter to save face.

Jan 16, 2019

The issue is not if I can figure it out. The issue is if this girl, who works for a mega fund (small sample), reads this post and thinks about the number of her peers that are dating lev fin guys from commercial banks (smaller sample), that met at Apple b/c their screens were both cracked (much smalller sample), in January 2019 (much, much smaller sample).

The funny thing to think about is whether, by some incredibly small chance, there was some other sad sap in a similar scenario with similar timing. That guy is equally fucked because you posted this (probably troll) post.

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Jan 16, 2019

"The envious die not once, but as often as the envied win applause."- Baltasar Gracian

The irony is, you put emphasis on "small sample", yet you happen to know another "sap" in the same exact position? Yeah, and I'm the troll...lol

I'm not sure what kind of girls you're into, but girls smart enough to work at megafunds won't jump to conclusions over a single anonymous post on WSO.

Thanks to your post, us saps can just pass the blame around now.

Jan 16, 2019

I said it was funny to think about but incredibly unlikely there was another dude in your shoes? Not that I knew a guy in your shoes...

Anyhow, you seem pretty convinced that your post won't get you in trouble with her if she came across it, so we'll agree to disagree! Good luck in your quest homie

Jan 15, 2019

What do you think the chances are that 1) she frequents WSO and 2) the content in this post is specific enough to make her veeeeeerry sceptical of you down the line?

Willing to bet the probability of ^ is better than her pushing you for an interview at her firm...

    • 1
Jan 15, 2019

Jesus Christ.

Jan 15, 2019

"She's got a typical background for PE; Ivy educated, two years at a BB, and then PE. My background is semi-target with LevFin experience at a regional commercial bank"

So she'll get you a job as her assistant, followed by a job as her stay-at-home husband.

Jan 15, 2019

Well shit. Even worst case scenario ain't all that bad. Lucky me, I guess.

Jan 15, 2019

Hey OP, I have been in a similar situation. I won't share too much detail for obvious reasons. When I was in undergrad I met a girl at a bar that brought me back to her penthouse. We started seeing each other a bit and at some point I had to ask what was the deal with the penthouse. She answered it was a birthday gift. I was like wtf, so asked about what her parents do and turns out they owned bankS (yes plural). The said bank was a fairly well known boutique with offices throughout Europe.

Anyways, long story short, I tried to do what you are thinking about doing and it didnt work. Girls dont want to talk about work/their connections and if you are trying to get their help to get a job you just appear beta tbh.

    • 2
Jan 15, 2019

Sounds like a Rothschild heiress. They're a mythical creature.

Jan 16, 2019

Agreed.

It is emasculating, and now that I think about it, she's probably pulling in over half-a-mil a year, which is more than double my comp...

Shit, this may not work out personally or professionally.

Jan 16, 2019
Armhoo1:

Agreed.

It is emasculating, and now that I think about it, she's probably pulling in over half-a-mil a year, which is more than double my comp...

Shit, this may not work out personally or professionally.

Trust it, people think its cool, but it sucks. I met the girl's dad and he came in to our college city with his private jet. I come from a very middle income family so whenever I would meet her family it felt surreal and the idea of having our parents meet one day scared the shit out of me tbh. Also, anything I would achieve in life would never be acknowledged compared to the empire her family built. Anyways, I ended it cause she wanted to have a kid and it felt like too much. I was just trying get an internship at the time.

    • 1
Jan 16, 2019

Are you being serious or are you just bustin' my chops? Can't say I know a lot of guys that wouldn't take what you had over an internship lol.

But your story, if true, makes my dilemma seem like nothing.

Jan 16, 2019
Armhoo1:

Are you being serious or are you just bustin' my chops? Can't say I know a lot of guys that wouldn't take what you had over an internship lol.

But your story, if true, makes my dilemma seem like nothing.

No I meant I was looking for an internship and to start my professional life at the time whereas she was already looking to get kids. She didn't need to think about getting an internship or even a job as she was already set.

Jan 16, 2019

The grand irony here is "Romance" in the title

Jan 16, 2019

So how many people on here consider these types of factors (eg. girl/guy having an elite job, no debt, and his/her parent's job) when deciding to get serious with someone?

I am not asking about whether you consider it in order to advance your own career but instead whether you think it will improve your happiness/quality of life. I am just curious because I used to think this would factor into my dating decision to some degree as I tried to climb the socioeconomic ladder but ultimately it went out the window somewhere along the road to happiness. Although, I do think it would be tough if my girlfriend didn't know how to act in formal settings.

    • 1
Jan 16, 2019

I will say this from my own personal experience, having a massive gap in career status / income has not worked out well for me. Recently had a 5 year relationship end and after doing the post mortum, if the gap is big enough, it can create friction between the two of you. I used to never take these things into consideration, even made a point to date girls outside my social set. Unfortunately now, I'm having to rethink my approach. Did the gap exacerbate issues that were already there or did it create some because she couldn't handle it? I don't know, but it is something to think about. Unfortunately for a lot of us, it is actually difficult to find partners who are on par from a career/income perspective. If we choose to limit ourselves to that criteria, then the dating pool shrinks dramatically.

    • 2
Jan 18, 2019
Jan 18, 2019
Jan 16, 2019

just google it...you're welcome