Romance my way into PE?

When we talk about hustle, usually that means extreme networking or something. In my case, I recently met a second year associate at mega fund in NYC. I know she's single, and was the first to text me about something random. Quite frankly, the topic of conversation sounded more like an excuse to initiate dialogue.

She's seems down to earth, plus she's kinda cute too. Should I just play along if she can get me in? I don't know what kind of pull she would have, if any at all. I don't want her to think I have an ulterior motive. Mostly I don't. I can't tell if I truly like her because of her or because of her job.

Don't tell me to marry her and just let her bring home the beacon lol. Even if she can help, I just want an intro/reference, not a job on a silver platter. She's got a typical background for PE; Ivy educated, two years at a BB, and then PE. My background is semi-target with LevFin experience at a regional commercial bank.

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Comments (56)

Jan 11, 2019 - 6:15pm

In case you're wondering, which I'm sure most of you aren't, we met a couple weeks ago on tinder. Both of use were trying to get our broken hearts repaired. ***

Corrected your last line there for ya champ

Cultivating mass and wealth since '95
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Jan 11, 2019 - 6:46pm

I personally think it would be a really messy situation. Not sure if I'm inferring things right from the post, but I think it would be a massive dick move to use her that way. Date her if you like her but I'd keep work out of it.

Jan 11, 2019 - 8:49pm

Not trying to be d-bag. I like her, but obviously we've both got our own careers to focus on. Understand that from my perspective, I'm in between a rock and a hard place. Hypothetically, if we work together, do I really want to mix business and pleasure? If she wants to be more than just friends, and I don't go for it, she's probably gonna be offended (at least a little bit). When's the last time you got an intro from someone you offended? haha.

I could pretend like I never met her. But it seems foolish to burn a bridge like this. If you think about it, something like this can make or break a career. I think the best course of action is just to play it by ear. Who knows, maybe she can't help me break into PE anyway. Having that clarity would make it easier to figure out the situation though.

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Jan 14, 2019 - 3:51pm

What @Returnofthemack said makes sense to me. She probably knows people at other funds and can introduce you. For this it doesn't matter whether your're friends or mates. So just play along and see where it leads you.

What I don't understand is why you think a romantic relationship with her would get you a job at the fund she's working at. It would never cross my mind to get my new gf a job at my company, possibly in the same division. She's probably able to see the same issues I do.


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Jan 15, 2019 - 9:44pm

When did I ever say I want a job alongside her at the same firm/division? What I would like, is an intro or reference, preferably at a different firm. And I don't care what anyone says, people are more receptive to warm intros even if a resume isn't perfect (but as long as it isn't a total shit show either).

The mind fuck is that if we get into a relationship, at what point, if any, is it ok to ask a GF for a professional favor...without it seeming premeditated? That's not what I'm doing here, but that what she may think.

Jan 16, 2019 - 1:37am

From your opening post it's not clear whether you want to get an introduction to her fund or other funds. But alright, now we know.

I would come up with the idea to introduce my partner to other firms by myself. So you might not need to ask. The bigger question is whether you actually like her. Because getting into a relationship with her while you don't would be a dick move. You can only find out by continuing to talk to her.


Jan 15, 2019 - 2:28pm

As soon as you both are in the same firm, and probably the same division, under the same HR, this relationship turns into a ticking time-bomb

“If you ain’t first, you’re last!” - GOAT
Jan 15, 2019 - 2:42pm

Sorry to be pessimistic, but it seems fitting for a naive sociopath. First, it is going to take A LOT more than just an associate recommendation (i.e. your GF) to get you an interview at a mega fund... Going from commercial banking to mega fund directly is close to unheard of, so her dad better be Leon Black. Second, you are giving out way too much detail here. Maybe she doesn't use WSO, but you must direly lack judgement if you don't realize how quickly this could make you the laughing stock of an entire industry. Your one group message away to black balling yourself from large cap private equity at large. Honestly, this has to be a troll; how can someone not recognize how unbelievably stupid this is??

"Rage, rage against the dying of the light."
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Jan 15, 2019 - 6:43pm

Only thing more cringeworthy than OP is the guys proposing he play the long game to get placed at a different fund...

Life's is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
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Jan 17, 2019 - 12:51pm

Clearly a socially affluent group we're dealing with here...

"Rage, rage against the dying of the light."
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Jan 15, 2019 - 8:43pm

I would like to make a few points here, if I may.

First of all, I've heard people (on this very site) trying to break into PE from a wealth management background. That's not to say they were successful, but in comparison, my profile seems much, MUCH better.

Secondly, the specific type of commercial banking I'm in, leveraged finance, is respected by most PE firms. If I was at a BB, this wouldn't be a topic of discussion. But you work with what you have.

Third, most people at mega funds are smart, but didn't necessarily go to an Ivy. Many went to public Ivies/semi-targets.

You're right that there was a piece of info that may have been a bit too detailed. I've since removed it. Thanks for the heads-up, seriously. With that being said, I will run down Wall Street butt-naked, smack dab in the middle of winter, if you can find the specific girl I'm taking about. I'll even give you 10 tries. Here's what you know from my original post...

"down to earth"
"kinda cute"
likes to text random shit
works at a "mega fund"
"Ivy educated"
"two years at a BB"

And if she doesn't have a Linkedin (I'm not saying she does/doesn't), what makes you think she has time for WSO? Also, based on her resume, I don't think she needs us.

Jan 15, 2019 - 8:51pm

First of all, I've heard people (on this very site) trying to break into PE from a wealth management background. That's not to say they were successful, but in comparison, my profile seems much, MUCH better.

So in other words, it's ok to do dumb shit because other people do really dumb shit.

Also, you still left more than enough specifics. I won't repeat them here, in the unlikely event you're smart enough to remove them.

Jan 16, 2019 - 12:12am

The issue is not if I can figure it out. The issue is if this girl, who works for a mega fund (small sample), reads this post and thinks about the number of her peers that are dating lev fin guys from commercial banks (smaller sample), that met at Apple b/c their screens were both cracked (much smalller sample), in January 2019 (much, much smaller sample).

The funny thing to think about is whether, by some incredibly small chance, there was some other sad sap in a similar scenario with similar timing. That guy is equally fucked because you posted this (probably troll) post.

Life's is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
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Jan 15, 2019 - 6:37pm

What do you think the chances are that 1) she frequents WSO and 2) the content in this post is specific enough to make her veeeeeerry sceptical of you down the line?

Willing to bet the probability of ^ is better than her pushing you for an interview at her firm...

Life's is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.
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Jan 15, 2019 - 8:21pm

"She's got a typical background for PE; Ivy educated, two years at a BB, and then PE. My background is semi-target with LevFin experience at a regional commercial bank"

So she'll get you a job as her assistant, followed by a job as her stay-at-home husband.

Jan 15, 2019 - 11:50pm

Hey OP, I have been in a similar situation. I won't share too much detail for obvious reasons. When I was in undergrad I met a girl at a bar that brought me back to her penthouse. We started seeing each other a bit and at some point I had to ask what was the deal with the penthouse. She answered it was a birthday gift. I was like wtf, so asked about what her parents do and turns out they owned bankS (yes plural). The said bank was a fairly well known boutique with offices throughout Europe.

Anyways, long story short, I tried to do what you are thinking about doing and it didnt work. Girls dont want to talk about work/their connections and if you are trying to get their help to get a job you just appear beta tbh.

Jan 16, 2019 - 1:15pm


It is emasculating, and now that I think about it, she's probably pulling in over half-a-mil a year, which is more than double my comp...

Shit, this may not work out personally or professionally.

Trust it, people think its cool, but it sucks. I met the girl's dad and he came in to our college city with his private jet. I come from a very middle income family so whenever I would meet her family it felt surreal and the idea of having our parents meet one day scared the shit out of me tbh. Also, anything I would achieve in life would never be acknowledged compared to the empire her family built. Anyways, I ended it cause she wanted to have a kid and it felt like too much. I was just trying get an internship at the time.

Jan 16, 2019 - 10:00am

So how many people on here consider these types of factors (eg. girl/guy having an elite job, no debt, and his/her parent's job) when deciding to get serious with someone?

I am not asking about whether you consider it in order to advance your own career but instead whether you think it will improve your happiness/quality of life. I am just curious because I used to think this would factor into my dating decision to some degree as I tried to climb the socioeconomic ladder but ultimately it went out the window somewhere along the road to happiness. Although, I do think it would be tough if my girlfriend didn't know how to act in formal settings.

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Jan 16, 2019 - 11:15am

I will say this from my own personal experience, having a massive gap in career status / income has not worked out well for me. Recently had a 5 year relationship end and after doing the post mortum, if the gap is big enough, it can create friction between the two of you. I used to never take these things into consideration, even made a point to date girls outside my social set. Unfortunately now, I'm having to rethink my approach. Did the gap exacerbate issues that were already there or did it create some because she couldn't handle it? I don't know, but it is something to think about. Unfortunately for a lot of us, it is actually difficult to find partners who are on par from a career/income perspective. If we choose to limit ourselves to that criteria, then the dating pool shrinks dramatically.

Jan 16, 2019 - 1:30pm

if you are attracted to her...then go ahead and try dating her (only if you actually like her). After a couple months, you'll know whether she would be interested in helping you, just based on her personality. I would suggest you never mention that this was on your mind from the very beginning. Then, say 2-3 months in to dating her (assume you've been regularly sleeping together for some time) you can ask her what she thinks about non-standard backgrounds of people that work in her industry/level...and the conversation could "naturally" segway into her giving you career advice, and then helping you connect with people at her or similar firms, which then enables you to ask for career advice and then potentially an interview.

just google're welcome
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Jan 19, 2019 - 8:18pm

This could be a movie.

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