unhappiness

I'll trade places with you. Think about it this way - you could be earning shit money in a BO/MO role. I grew up in NYC, and the thought of living in the suburbs with a plush lawn, wife, 2 kids, and going to their soccer (or as you call it - football) games on the weekends is revolting to me. That is how my ambition-less co-workers live. I am not joking when I say this - I briefly thought about suicide yesterday - that's how bad it is for me. Shit happens when you graduate in a recession.

I'd rather work 16 hours a day than work 16 minutes a day (which is what I do now), even if it is bitchwork.

"So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that's on the worst day of my life."

To the OP: Unfortunately you will not get very much thoughtful advice about your life dilemma in this forum because most of the Monkeys here are as you describe yourself but without your insight and introspection so they think that money will solve all their problems. And of course many may get money and a girl who thinks like them. This will lead to other problems.

Two thoughts about your previous hard work. 1. Sunk costs. You already put it in. If you are not happy with where it led you you are only 21 you can change. To stay in that field for another 30 years and hate it because you worked hard for an offer would be "throwing good money after bad" as the saying goes.

2. Congratulate yourself on your on your hard work and great CV. It means you have created many options. Not, as you are looking at it now, as if your great CV is dooming you to one bad option. Yes, your options may include areas that you didn't need to work so hard to get into, but your options also include many areas that have opened up to you because of your past effort and CV. For example, medicine, law, graduate school in whatever. Or even banking for 2 years, then these other options. Good performance NEVER diminishes options it always increases them.

And about going into banking now and not sure whether it will satisfy your yearning and not knowing what else would. This decision is not tying you to banking for ever. Its just temporary. Your options are all there still and life continues to be options.

Both of you need to calm down and stop being such drama queens.

anonymousman, you have a great opportunity ahead of yourself. You have a chance to work at a BB right out of college, which is something many students dream of. If this is not what you ultimately want to do with your life, think about it this way: You're going to be working in one of the highest paid entry jobs anywhere in the world for 2-3 years. After that, you're going to have a lot of money (if you save/invest well), great work experience for your CV, and many doors open for the future. After 2-3 years at a BB, you can still become a writer, fashion designer, barman, or whatever else your heart desires. Don't let your short-term endeavors cloud your long-term ambitions. You're young, and you have plenty of time to become who you want to be.

WantOutOfBO, suicide? Really? There are people all across the world who would love to trade places with you in an instant. There are people in some parts of the world who work 18 hours a day just to make $10/day. There are people in America who are now homeless because of the recession. There are many 2008 and 2009 graduates who still haven't been able to find a job, and therefore, living with their parents. You still think you have it bad enough to commit suicide? The fact of the matter is, wherever you're working right now, you can still make it to a BB if that's your dream. If you can't network your way in right now, then study hard for the GMAT, destroy it, have your current employer write you a great recommendation letter, and apply for B-school in a year or two. From there, you will have all the opportunities to enter into banking as an associate. You would be surprised how many associates enter into banking without any prior analyst experience.

You two should consider yourselves lucky, not unhappy.

OP,

Your sentiments sound about right given where you are in your life. I think a lot of it stems from the fact that you are anxious and fearful regarding what lies ahead. Take comfort in knowing that a lot of us have been there and also understand that life/success is a marathon and not a sprint.

Im not sure if it is a generational issue or a fundamental human issue but there seems to exist a perception that the goal of life is be happy all the time. This is impossible but more importantly its this false perception that ultimately leads most people towards disappointment and failure. Think of your greatest achievements. I bet they were borne out of hard work and sacrifice. I bet that you were not always happy along the way but at the end of the day you were a better man for having experienced the trials and tribulations. I guess the point of my rant is that success is more about the journey, the decisions and sacrifices you make along the way, than the destination that lies ahead.

Must seem like you've wasted 20 years of your life...

A close friend of mine also went through a QLC (quarter life crisis) a while ago -- hes 22. Was a top notch guy (a lot of us would refer to him as successful), very personable/amicable. Got up one morning and told himself that everything he had done in his life was meaningless. It slowly progressed from contempt, to frustration, and then finally downright anger. Wasn't a pretty sight. One day, this guy jumps on a plane and heads to southeast asia for about a month. After witnessing the poverty/distress of so many people down there, he came back a changed man. Totally different perspective and much happier. It was kind of like a battery re-charge for him.

I think some travelling will do you good.

Its ok, noone in banking really likes banking (at least people from around my analyst class), except for one of the few lifers in each class. It is not exactly the dream job that people look upon. Once in, you will spend nights/days complaining about it with your comerades. But that is ok, just treat it, as you have done for the rest of your life so far, as another investment.

Banking was/is/will never be the end, it was always the means to greater good or "success" as you have defined. It actually really is no matter how you define success, banking does open literally every door in life for you. I might sound toolish by saying this, but I really think it gives you the most solid experience in terms of analytical/quantitative/communicational/endurance/etc. skills, it is the best learning opportunity you will have at this stage.

Man up, make the most out of the painful experience and do some crazy stuff you have dreamed of before with the money you make.

good luck. nice writing style btw.

Several times a year, I receive a forward in which some young analyst at an Investment Bank has flipped out, decided to quit, and written an embittered email manifesto to his group detailing his thought process. These emails ring of both anger and haste, and, without fail, they carry the tone of “I’m meant to be doing something better than this.”

I read these emails, and I chuckle. I laugh not only because these kids are raging pussies but because their naiveté is overwhelming. It’s as if they’ve had some sort lack of sleep induced revelation and are convinced that their true “path” has suddenly become clear—they aren’t meant to be working on pitch books for deals that alter the global economic landscape or doing complex analysis—they’re meant to be “using their minds.” - LSO

Anyway, don’t get me wrong. I appreciate hubris; I applaud it. But when someone is so deluded to think that he is better than Banking, he is advertising his stupidity. These kinds of people don’t understand the solid fundamentals that come with getting one’s hands dirty, and it’s obvious that these quitters are just scared of a little hard work and the occasional all-nighter.

Grip some Red Bull and shut the fuck up, kids—everyone has to put in dues. You think Scott Kapnick was bitching about long hours when he started out? What would have become of King Leonidas if instead of braving the cold and killing that beady-eyed wolf, he had just set his spear down on his desk and ran away like a sissy?

anonymousman:

At the age of 4 I told everyone I wanted to be rich and everyone believed I would be. I had visions of success - though its been so long, I forget what they were exactly - just a golden haze.

I've always worked hard. Well, actually, I've always worked smart - working hard when I need to, and doing the bare minimum otherwise. But I've always been fixated on achievement. I worked hard and got good GCSEs. I worked hard and got straight As at A level. That allowed me to go to a red brick university, and I'm working hard here to secure a good grade. It's like everything I've ever done has been an investment toward this place - success.

I've never really done anything for its instrinsic value - it's always something I've done to enhance my CV. I 'faked' a lot of my involvement in a lot of activities just to get it on the CV. I picked qualifications which didn't really appeal, but got me on the right track to those golden gates of success.

Now, aged 21, sat on my bed in my dressing gown, I have an offer at a BB. I interned there last summer, and can't say I enjoyed it too much. It was life absorbing; and I was leaving before quite a few of the analysts - so I think that it's going to be worse hours + responsibility.

I say these worries to my friends and they tell me to apply to something else, I'm SO not a city boy, they say, blah blah blah. It goes in one ear and out of the other. I don't feel I have the ability to go into another career, I don't feel that's a realistic choice.

I don't want to go be a writter on £24k, I don't want to be a fashion designer on £18k, I don't want to be a barman on £15k. I've got a starting salary of nearly £50k - more than my mum has ever earned, and about the salary my dad was on (in nominal terms) when he died at 50 years old.

I feel like I have no choice, because I could go and do those things (writting, fashion, art, barman, entrepeneurship), but the people who do those things couldn't do what I do. It was very hard to get this job. Not many people are qualified enough to get it. This is an exclusive opportunity, and what's more this is the reward of my life long accidental investment; I say accidental because I never intended to go into banking. I'd never heard of banking until my first year at university. I thought all the rich people were doctors and barristers.

My whole life, all my life choices have been an investment to this end - success - which I, perhaps foolishly, defined as getting a high paid job. To go and do something else now, would be to admit that everything I'd done was a bad investment. I'd be cashing in at a net loss and going and doing something I could've done without the time and effort I put into getting this far. It would be to throw away everything I've built up on my CV.

I'm materialist.

I'm materialist in the sense that I'm currently unhappy, lonely, and unfulfilled and I think that material goods will cure one or all of those problems. Obviously, that's why I'm doing banking. For the money. And that's why I'm not doing something else, which I'd enjoy more. The money.

But at the same time I know that banking won't fill this hole in my heart. I'm just not sure what will.

If not material things - then what? How do I cure unhappiness and my lonliness if not through material accumulation? If surrounding myself with crap I buy of amazon won't make me any happier, or bring any more intimiacy into my shallow isolated life, then what will?

I'm confused. I'm sad. I don't know who I am, what I should do, what I want to do, or what would be good for me. I have no future plan. I'm incapable of making one. I have no idea why I'm becoming a banker.

I just want success as a human being.

I've felt restless since I was born.

You remind me of the tonnes of starry-eyed school leavers (where I once was) I meet at various career seminars and networking events organized by my BB.

Invariably, a question I get asked often is at what point did I decide I want to be a trader for a living and what qualities I thought necessitated success in this role.

When replying all I had ever wanted to do was play for Real Madrid and only ended up in my current role unwittingly because I wasn't half as good as Cristiano Ronaldo, the startled responses to my joke (not really) never ceases to amaze me.

On hindsight, I should have spent more time after school playing football and I might just be getting paid handsomely to do the things I really enjoy... ;)

I feel you WantOutOfBO. Just remember, there's always worse. I'm making 40k doing fund accounting. My roommate's unemployed. My neighbor's got pistol-whipped, bound-and-gagged because they messed with the wrong drug dealers. There's a couple dudes by 7-11 who are homeless. In Detroit, people get thrown in jail to stay warm in the winter. In developing countries, some people have to walk 10 miles to get water.

Bottom line is, you could always be doing worse and you could probably do better. If I had known about Ibanking my freshman year, I'd probably be in the FO right now. "Discovered it" halfway through my senior year, tough luck, but there's no point in beating myself up about it.

You've never thought about life before going into banking? Or thoroughly thinking about what you actually wanted to do and what are the possibilities of you making a good living by doing what you wanted?

No matter how bad it seems, there will be others who are better off and worse off.

Life is unpredictable and unfair, but at the same time it's beautiful.

No regrets

I have thought about fulfilling life decisions as well. I say work in banking. Have a goal that you're working towards. I always thought it would be great to work until 30, open a bar or sandwich shop and just get by on that. You wouldn't have all kinds of pressure to crank in the cash and you can work at something that you control, that you own.

In your case work at the bank and then use your money to get into the field you are passionate about.

Thank you all so much for sincere words. it's quite heart warming to have so many strangers be so frank and honest with you. and you've all made me feel a lot better about the position I'm in.

Really humbling responses.

Thank you.

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Anonymousman -

Here are my thoughts. I think its good that you've come to the realization that chasing success for material reasons will never make you feel fulfilled. It's an endless pursuit. You will constantly be striving to reach the next progression of your life, leaving yourself with little time to enjoy what you've accomplished already. Some people come to this realization far too late. They wonder how life passed them by so quickly and why their success hasn't made them feel happy. They worked at all the right places, made all the money in the world, but have never felt that feeling of satisfaction.

With that in mind, here is my advice to you. Take the job offer; its a great opportunity. However, once you do, promise yourself that you will start approaching life differently. Outside of work, immerse yourself in things that will make you happy. Great friends, sports, a new hobby, travelling on weekends, whatever. After you've put a year or so in, decide if banking is right for you. If you don't enjoy it, leave. Someone like you will always have other options. You just need to lose the mentality that there is only one path to "success."

I'll end this with a famous quote for you:

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."

sounds like you would be perfect for banking.

Think of your family as motivation for becoming wealthy, if you make a lot of money you can help your family out.

I am not sure if u heard of osho, he use to say "if u r think about sex all the time, you need to have it and do it......and at one point you will be disinterested in it" similarly "if "you want to leave money and fame, you need to have it to understand its useless"

What the hell is writting?

There is an advantage that comes with being young: You can try things out and if it doesn't work, try something else. We usually make the mistake of thinking that because we devoted so much time for one thing, we must do it out of fulfillment to ourselves and others. We don't. We shouldn't. But what we should do, it give it a try and always realize that we are not obligated to do anything if it doesn't give us happiness. Happiness is not a destination, it is however, a companion. Yes, we can do something we dread because it's the rational thing to do, but doing it for too long will make us miserable, and the mirage of your goal (money, happiness, chicks, etc..) will only move further and further and make you needier and greedier thus stuck in a loop of doing what you hate for getting what you want.

It is OK to be confused and to feel lost and doomed, but don't dismiss it before you try it. You can always say fuck it and go for something else, and whoever tells you to grow a pair and suck it and just go do your job and be thankful and bla bla bla has NEVER had something to be passionate about or have been very lucky in getting a job in an industry he loves, not an industry he wants/needs.

I am in IBanking by accident, and I can't believe how much I love it, but I never regret that I went to Med school although I devoted my entire life for it and hated it, then went into advertising, then opening a restaurant and a few other things before I landed here.

Lmfao, this is the same cry baby as always.

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Seems this is a common theme these days.

Yes, of course, we should keep positive thoughts always with us. As it is well said, find a place inside you where there's joy, and the joy will burn out the pain and stress within yourself. When you think positive, good things happen.