What's wrong with my networking email?
I'm a rising second year at a target school. I recently sent out requests for informational chats to school alumni, and I haven't gotten too many responses. Can someone critique my networking email? I'm new to this so I appreciate the advice.
EMAIL:
Hello (person),
I hope all is well. My name is (name) and I am a current student at (school). I am emailing due to my strong interest in learning more about a [job title] career in the (industry name) industry, specifically in the field of (specific field based on their LinkedIn). I noticed from your LinkedIn that you had similar interests throughout college, and I would love to learn more about you and your experience as a (job title). Would a quick call sometime this week work for you? I am available every day at any time after 9am PDT.
Best wishes and I hope to speak with you soon.
Regards,
(name)
I would recommend condensing the interested part down into "I'm interested in learning more about investment banking" and then include any similar interests/school. I think you're using a little too many fluff words.
While it’s important to speak and sound professional, what you have just sounds kind of stiff. Just be concise and to the point, no need for unnecessary formalities. Saying what you mean and sounding genuinely interested will always be more effective than sounding like a robot. What you have isn’t bad by any means, though. You probably haven’t gotten many responses because people are busy; it’s nothing personal, and there isn’t anything glaringly wrong in your email. I find that it sometimes takes 2-3 follow-up emails for people to get back. You need to be persistent!
Maybe I'm old, but reads super canned to me. I read "noticed from LinkedIn that you had similar interests throughout college" and figure you sent this to everyone. Which is fine except you'd be surprised at the volume of these that come in everyday, particularly right before and right after recruiting season. The ones that really stand out have some sort of personalization. Bankers have egos, feed them.
Be specific about the “similar interests”. Otherwise it looks like a copy and pasted message
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