GSelevator Twitter: All Time Favorites

M Friedman's picture
Rank: King Kong | 1,064

With a rapidly growing base, the GSelevator twitter has a loyal following of 25,000 deep. The notorious tweeter allegedly works in some form of upper/senior management, but receives the majority of his posts from emails that come into [email protected]. On a side note, the tweeter claims that if his following reaches 40,000+, he will list Blankfein's personal address, cell phone number, and email. Ouch.

No wonder Goldman has reportedly created an internal investigation unit to put an end to this public relations nightmare. To do my part and gather awareness for the cause, I'm going to go ahead and list my top 10, all-time favorite tweets:

10) #1: I hate Thanksgiving. #2: How is that possible? #1: My extended family is pretty middle-class, and they look at me like I'm a prick.

9) #1: I was gonna take her on another date, but then I listened to Jobs' commencement speech.... 'Keep looking. Don't settle.'

8) #1: 'Equities in Dallas' doesn't seem so bad nowadays.

7) #1: "They're so washed up, people should tell their kids to go and Morgan Stanley before dinner."

6) #1: Getting laid off from Goldman is like being traded by the Yankees. You'll probably still make millions, but it's just not the same.

5) #1: VIX above 40. #2: #1: Whenever you think, 'I've done way riskier shit than this,' remember: Steve Irwin was killed by a fish.

4) #1: Buy an Analyst a woman and you get him laid for a night. Teach an Analyst to womanize and you get him laid for a lifetime.

3) A#1: My associate is a fat bitch. A#2: I'm sure she wishes she had a black eye just so people would think she actually has a boyfriend.

2) [Analysts leaving] #1: Are you guys going out tonight? #2: (nods) Dropping coin like Michael J. Fox at a parking meter.

1) #1: [re janitor in elevator bank] Do u think he tells chicks he works at Goldman Sachs? #2: Of course, he doesn't just clean up at work.

Occupy Wall Street Bonus:
#1: Walking around the protesters outside makes me feel like how a black guy must feel in the gym shower. #OWS

For much more daily shenanigans go to www.twitter.com/#!/gselevator

Comments (34)

Nov 7, 2011

Love it. Don't forget:

1: They shouldn't fucking forget. The top 1% pays more than 40% of the taxes. So we bailed us out. #OWS didnt do shit.

    • 1
Nov 7, 2011

Michael J Fox reference was fucked up.

But hilarious.

Nov 7, 2011
Nefarious-:

Michael J Fox reference was fucked up.

But hilarious.

How do you trace a scatter plot? Give the pencil to Michael J. Fox

If I had asked people what they wanted, they would have said faster horses - Henry Ford

Nov 7, 2011
happypantsmcgee:
Nefarious-:

Michael J Fox reference was fucked up.

But hilarious.

How do you trace a scatter plot? Give the pencil to Michael J. Fox

@ 1:27

"Have you ever tried to use a chain with 3 weak links? I have, and now I no longer own an arctic wolf."
-Dwight Schrute

Nov 7, 2011

1: I wish I invested in poverty. It's up 60% since 2001. #2: We did.

Nov 7, 2011

A+

Nov 7, 2011

Reality hits you hard, bro...

Nov 7, 2011

Hahahaha this feed is amazing:

1: It's not a hangover if you're dead inside.

Here's an interview answer for prospective monkeys:

1: I asked him what his life goal is, and he said 'to make the obituary in The Economist.' #2: Great answer.

Nov 7, 2011

So much win.

Nov 7, 2011

From today:

1: Wives & Girlfriends are temporary. Ex-Wives & Ex-Girlfriends last forever. #2: Who said that? #1: Kenny Powers.

Nov 7, 2011

whenever I'm having a somewhat down day, GSelevator always seems to brighten it up

Nov 7, 2011

1: She wanted to sit on the same side of the table. #2: I hate that. #1: I know, makes me feel like I'm driving a car.

firstworldproblems

and

1: I worked my way up from the back office. #2: You were in the back office? #1: Nah, I just fucked all the hot ones there. Now onto analysts.

I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.

Nov 7, 2011

"#1:Riding the subway reminds me why I am pro-choice."

hahaha so fucked up

If your dreams don't scare you, then they are not big enough.

"There are two types of people in this world: People who say they pee in the shower, and dirty fucking liars."-Louis C.K.

Nov 7, 2011

Suit#1: Wish Obama had raised the jet tax. Teterboro is a zoo Suit#2: (laughs)

Nov 7, 2011

Love it! I've been following for about a month, and it is ALWAYS there for a good laugh!

Nov 7, 2011

I went as the mayhem guy from the Allstate commercials. But people assumed I was a banker-who-got-his-ass-kicked. #HalloweenFail
30 Oct

Nov 7, 2011

Don't remember word for word but hands down funniest is the one about how their website looks like a un conference but their lobby looks like a grenwich country club

Nov 7, 2011
Mfsl27:

Don't remember word for word but hands down funniest is the one about how their website looks like a un conference but their lobby looks like a grenwich country club

I love that one.

1: How come people on our website look like a UN convention, but our lobby looks like Greenwich Country Day? #2: (laughs) Amen

Reality hits you hard, bro...

Nov 7, 2011

1: I ate an entire pineapple for lunch. Liz is in for a treat tonight. #2: Good luck, Pavlov.

Nov 7, 2011

1: Yo, will you grab me a grande pumpkin spice latte. #2: No, but I'll get you a latte.

1: The Euro is dead. They're just bickering over who pays for the funeral.

A#1: If a girl doesn't respond to my texts immediately, I lose interest. A#2: I don't even have time to meet girls.

1 (smugly): My Mom always said I was 'one-in-a-million.' #2: So, that means there are 7,000 people just like you.

Nov 7, 2011

Thank you for this.

Professional Bro,
J. Cans

Nov 8, 2011

i love his tweets even though as a black man i hate it!
The agony of loving what you hate>>>>>angry<<<<<<<<

Nov 8, 2011

1 we're going to dress up as Wiseguys for Halloween. Flashy suits & cheap jewelry.

2 People will just think you work at Morgan Stanley.

Nov 8, 2011

1: Nothing says 1% like a navy pinstripe, two vents, no pleats. Gucci loafers. #2: 1% riot gear.

Jan 18, 2012

How legit do people think GSelevator's story is? I'd think that coworkers and the clients mentioned would be able to identify him (100% it is a him). See http://totalfratmove.com/782530

Jan 18, 2012

"Vegetarians and homos all seem to think that the rest of us give a shit about what goes in their mouths."

1: "My life feels like a Woody Allen movie."

2: "That's because you're a cynical, undersexed Jew."

1: "Jew would have sufficed."

1: "Was that really an earthquake?"

2: "No, I just dropped my wallet."

[Laughter]

1: "Did you get a look at _______ (female analyst)? She's about 3 weeks of anorexia away from looking hot."

2: "Maybe 4."

1: "My wife saw a fat wad of $5's in my wallet and automatically accused me of being at a strip club."

2: "She should know you tip $20's."

Jan 18, 2012

1: Know the difference between a buy-side and a sell-side guy? The buy-side guy says 'Fuck you' before they hang up the phone.

1: At various points in life, I've been the bully and the bullied. And I'm better off for it. Kids today need to sack up.

[Harvard] #1: I got a job at McKinsey, the Goldman of consulting. #2: I got a job at Goldman, the fucking Goldman of banking.

1: All I have to do is glance at my Blackberry, and my wife rolls her eyes and then shuts up. It's awesome.

Currently: future psychiatrist (med school =P)
Previously: investor relations (top consulting firm), M&A consulting (Big 4), M&A banking (MM)

Jan 18, 2012

1: One day, I hope I'm rich enough to become a Democrat.

1: Mitt Romney would be the kid who tries to run out the clock in Madden football.

1: A protester sees my Benz, and wants to rip me out of it. A real man sees my car, and wants to work hard so he can buy it one day.

Jan 18, 2012
gavin_volure:

1: Mitt Romney would be the kid who tries to run out the clock in Madden football.

lmao, totally know the type

WSO's COO (Chief Operating Orangutan) | My Linkedin

Jan 18, 2012
gavin_volure:

A protester sees my Benz, and wants to rip me out of it. A real man sees my car, and wants to work hard so he can buy it one day.

I like this

Jan 18, 2012

They are all phenomenal.

1: Know the difference between a buy-side and a sell-side guy? The buy-side guy says 'Fuck you' before they hang up the phone.

lol. Incredible.

"For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?"

Nov 7, 2011
Comment

If your dreams don't scare you, then they are not big enough.

"There are two types of people in this world: People who say they pee in the shower, and dirty fucking liars."-Louis C.K.

Jan 18, 2012