The single most important choice you will ever have to really make is the person you marry.

Mod Note: This comment comes from "Bankers and bad relationships" and quickly gatthered up 13 sb's. We thought it deserved to go on the homepage in case you missed it.

ex cfo during the dot com period late nineties...

The single most important choice you will ever have to really make is the person you marry. She can make you or break you. Don't pay attention to the pop psychology bull. No other investment can be anywhere as significant. And you don't just "get lucky"...A good choice takes hard work, patience, intelligence and serious due diligence, and it will take balls. If you're gun shy, slow, or a sheep you could lose very, very badly. There are no good girls, or bad girls. Love is the toughest market you will ever have to work in.

All the hard work you have put into your lives so far, pale in comparison to the work you have to put into the choice of your mate.

It's not that different from the silicon valley venture investor and a new start-up. Think in terms of aligned interests. When you're desperate for money, any investor will do, but you really should be careful with who you hop into bed with because the wrong choice can make life a living hell. Even in the best of cases, the VC -start up relationship is wrought with turmoil, betrayal, conflicting information, sleepless nights, and nerve-wracked days. The day to day grind can just pulverize you and you will get no sympathy from your VC investors. You don't hit your targets, and you may be looking at a serious down round when you need cash again. Even if you hit pay dirt, it is often nasty.That's when you choose well. Let's not get into what happens you're going through an IPO...

This is how I would approach the subject if you're still fairly virgin and living in this business.You are working obscene hours. You're tired and spent. Every day you have to be on your toes, and display self control in the face of complete chaos. You make decent money even at the start, though it may not feel like it on the inside.Trust me, on the outside, you're making a fortune. You're potential is climbing and envious. You're even considered exotic and desirable. You're horny as hell. You're also a bit of dreamer and romantic. And you have some semblance of morality left in terms of what you may define as "family". Be honest with yourselves, you're a target... even for "good girls".

If you're down this path of even considering marriage or a serious relationship, think about these things as cold bloodily as you can:

1. Is she an asset? Does she become a force-multiplier in your life? or is she a liability?Is she helping you with the day-to day shit in your life.? Does she smile at you often? (most married women always seem so pissed off) Is she flexible with you? or... Is she more superficial than she should be? Remember that all the things you find "cute" in her will eventually drive you to drink.

2. Does she really understand what you're living through? I mean, does she experience what you have to put up with? Even if she comes from the business, or not, does she have a dry martini and caviar on toast waiting for you when you come home? Does she just let you sit there and vege out in you stupor as you recover from the bombardments of the day and the humiliating commute, or does she rag about stuff that has nothing to do with your work.

3. The most successful men do not have the most beautiful wives. They were smart enough to know that really beautiful women are usually lousy in the sack and way too high maintenance. They have average to attractive looking women who are smart, sympathetic, patient and supportive of their man. You won't need Viagra with them.

And like any investment with a high return profile, you have to be prepared to lose it all...stoop down and rebuild with worn out tools, never speak a word about your loss...

and children change all the rules....

Just my two cents...

Comments (27)

May 8, 2013

I agree. gr8 post.

May 8, 2013

Oh look - how sweet.

Not all of us are obsessed with having relationships, wives, girlfiends etc. you know. Some of us have other more important interests (which aren't finance!).

May 8, 2013
ad1307:

Oh look - how sweet.

Not all of us are obsessed with having relationships, wives, girlfiends etc. you know. Some of us have other more important interests (which aren't finance!).

Are you referring to men?

Just pokin' at ya ;)

I'm thinking he's talking about the people that are, in fact, interested in that.

May 8, 2013
ad1307:

Not all of us are obsessed with having relationships, wives, girlfiends etc. you know.

You can apply the same logic can to homosexual relationships as well, I presume.

Best Response
May 8, 2013
ad1307:

Oh look - how sweet.

Not all of us are obsessed with having relationships, wives, girlfiends etc. you know. Some of us have other more important interests (which aren't finance!).

I think that's precisely the point of the post. That the majority of those on WSO are obsessed with things like prestige, career, money, models/bottles, being awesome, cars, watches, sex, ass, boobs, tits, legs, excel, equity research, lazard, bulge bracket, HBS, business insider articles, gun control, barry obama, mitt romney, hunting, being a man, types of whiskey, ballin out, ivy league, non-target vs. target, PE, IBD exit opps, the intelligent investor, cost of living in different cities, b-school applications, why admissions consultants are crappy/awesome, more important interests that aren't finance, etc... when at the end of the day, issues regarding family (like who you marry) are ultimately what's important.

    • 5
May 9, 2013
Ipso facto:

That the majority of those on WSO are obsessed with things like prestige, career, money, models/bottles, being awesome, cars, watches, sex, ass, boobs, tits, legs, excel, equity research, lazard, bulge bracket, HBS, business insider articles, gun control, barry obama, mitt romney, hunting, being a man, types of whiskey, ballin out, ivy league, non-target vs. target, PE, IBD exit opps, the intelligent investor, cost of living in different cities, b-school applications, why admissions consultants are crappy/awesome, more important interests that aren't finance, etc... when at the end of the day, issues regarding family (like who you marry) are ultimately what's important.

Lol lazard. I agree with initialsCG, one of the most important decisions in your life. Don't be temped by lust and such, even for non-relationship things. those feelings are only temporary

    • 1
May 9, 2013
Ipso facto:

That the majority of those on WSO are obsessed with things like prestige, career, money, models/bottles, being awesome, cars, watches, sex, ass, boobs, tits, legs, excel, equity research, lazard, bulge bracket, HBS, business insider articles, gun control, barry obama, mitt romney, hunting, being a man, types of whiskey, ballin out, ivy league, non-target vs. target, PE, IBD exit opps, the intelligent investor, cost of living in different cities, b-school applications, why admissions consultants are crappy/awesome, more important interests that aren't finance, etc...

This is gold hahaha.

May 9, 2013

Haha this is awesome. I bet all the high school and college kids are going to have a field day with this though. Crazy to think that so many people lose track of what is really important. I'm in college too, but I like to think I'm as well grounded as a 20 year old kid can be while still being hungry.

I had a professor tell a great story the other day that I really think drives this point home. He said in the early 90s he had a student that was extremely ambitious and wanted it all. Cars, clothes, house, boat, watch etc. The kid pulled it off. Rose up to MD at a BB, raking it in, and hot wife. Then said he was giving a speech a year ago at another school and afterward some down and out guy came up to him. It was that kid. Lost everything. He had problems with addiction and fidelity, got laid off in the crisis, wife left him, and has zero contact with his children.

The next thing he said I feel will really resonate with a lot of people. He said when he was young he only had time for himself, and now he has all the time in the world but hates the person he's spending it with, himself.

Even though we all strive to be the best we can be, and recognize that w'e're going to have to make significant sacrifices to get there, you can't forget what's really important.

    • 2
May 8, 2013

Sweet. I kind of realize this just recently though, especially the most beautiful wife part. Its tiring, and boring to be around the prettiest with shallow mind, but its mind blowing to speak all days with a smart woman.

May 8, 2013

#1 and #3, those two are pure gold and make a ton of sense. Nice job.

May 8, 2013

I am expecting more MS so I can make the front page :(

//www.wallstreetoasis.com/forums/would-you-give-up-t...

The Auto Show

    • 1
May 9, 2013

I mean, any business that involves a minimum 50% take-or-pay contract of no expiration is usually going to be one to pay particular attention to...

    • 2
May 9, 2013

Take home point: always be sure to have the right hedge going for your position, i.e. pre-nup.

May 9, 2013

A guy told me long ago when it came to women: forget the best bj, sex, body and all the rest of the superficial stuff.

He said: Pick the one that will stick with you when you hit a rough patch, and keep your confidence when you are down.

These were wise words...that came from a man who didn't even recognize his first wife when she spoke to him at an airport several years after their divorce

    • 1
May 9, 2013
Lone Wolf:

He said: Pick the one that will stick with you when you hit a rough patch, and keep your confidence when you are down.

based on my recent actions i guess i'm not ready to settle down..

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May 9, 2013

Could have saved a ton of time (and $) if I understood this years ago. Ah the frivolousness of youth...

"I am not sure who this 'Anonymous' person is - one thing is for certain, they have been one hell of a prolific writer" - Anonymous

May 9, 2013

I just can't understand why so many Americans are obsessed with this idea of getting married. I mean - why do you actually need to marry in this day and age? Marriage is a contract, after all - and many people lose alot of money through divorce (especially in the United States). From what I hear apparently you have to take on the debts of your partner if you marry them in the US! (which seems qutie crazy).

We have so many more gadgets and appliances these days such that even if you work long hours you can still take good care of your house - washing machines, ironing boards, dryers, hoovers, microwaves, ready meals lawnmowers etc. all make domestic life quite easy - it's not as though you need a spouse for these duties, unlike say, 50 years ago.

May 9, 2013
ad1307:

I just can't understand why so many Americans are obsessed with this idea of getting married. I mean - why do you actually need to marry in this day and age? Marriage is a contract, after all - and many people lose alot of money through divorce (especially in the United States). From what I hear apparently you have to take on the debts of your partner if you marry them in the US! (which seems qutie crazy).

Fair point. But it's a different argument for a different day.

May 9, 2013
ad1307:

I just can't understand why so many Americans are obsessed with this idea of getting married. I mean - why do you actually need to marry in this day and age? Marriage is a contract, after all - and many people lose alot of money through divorce (especially in the United States). From what I hear apparently you have to take on the debts of your partner if you marry them in the US! (which seems qutie crazy

Is there any actual data that says Americans marry at a higher rate than Europeans or whomever?

Also, while I'm hardly into trusting women that I date (Reason 1 of many why my relationships don't work out), at a certain point it becomes socially beneficial to marry. You'll never get invited to couple dinners, you won't have anyone to help you host social events, and there will be no one to entertain clients' wives after hours while you schmooze the husband.

May 9, 2013
CRE:
ad1307:

I just can't understand why so many Americans are obsessed with this idea of getting married. I mean - why do you actually need to marry in this day and age? Marriage is a contract, after all - and many people lose alot of money through divorce (especially in the United States). From what I hear apparently you have to take on the debts of your partner if you marry them in the US! (which seems qutie crazy

Is there any actual data that says Americans marry at a higher rate than Europeans or whomever?

Also, while I'm hardly into trusting women that I date (Reason 1 of many why my relationships don't work out), at a certain point it becomes socially beneficial to marry. You'll never get invited to couple dinners, you won't have anyone to help you host social events, and there will be no one to entertain clients' wives after hours while you schmooze the husband.

http://www.census.gov/compendia/statab/2012/tables...

http://www.nationmaster.com/graph/peo_mar_rat-peop...

I don't agree about the 'socially beneficial' aspect. Your social circle isn't going to vanish just because you do not marry. It is easy to host a barbecue, dinner etc. even if you are unmarried. I could do it quite easily when I was in NL and it's feasible in England too. It's the clients that mattere here - not their wives.

May 9, 2013
ad1307:

I just can't understand why so many Americans are obsessed with this idea of getting married. I mean - why do you actually need to marry in this day and age? Marriage is a contract, after all - and many people lose alot of money through divorce (especially in the United States). From what I hear apparently you have to take on the debts of your partner if you marry them in the US! (which seems qutie crazy).

We have so many more gadgets and appliances these days such that even if you work long hours you can still take good care of your house - washing machines, ironing boards, dryers, hoovers, microwaves, ready meals lawnmowers etc. all make domestic life quite easy - it's not as though you need a spouse for these duties, unlike say, 50 years ago.

You are operating under the false assumption that men who get married do so only because a wife makes their life easier. I don't know anyone who got married because they wanted their house cleaned and their meals prepared.

Most people just naturally want to spend time with others. At some point, you run across someone that makes you far more happier than everyone else and you choose to dedicate more time to them. It's really that simple.

Then, you can add in all of the motivators to settle down like wanting to build a family, wanting to have a nice house to raise that family in, etc. The fact is, you aren't going to find too many girls that will spend the rest of their life with you without getting married...so, in a way, you may be forced to pull that trigger if you want to continue to spend time with that person.

It's hard to comprehend this at a young age, but the bar/club/singles scene gets really, really old. Going out and having superficial conversations with a stranger just because you want to have sex with them becomes a huge headache and a pain in the ass.

Regards

    • 4
May 10, 2013
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Jul 13, 2013

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