A WSO Cinderella Story
Saturday's always a great time for a story and what better story for young Wall Street kids on the come-up, than Cinderella. After all, when you spend 80 hours a week doing chores for the masters of the house you can identify with her storybook plight.
For those of you who are sports fans, as well, this is the time of year for Cinderella Stories. Yesterday, the brave lads of Princeton nearly gave the HYP crowd something to rejoice over other than BB recruiting week at the career office. Simultaneously, VCU carried off a successful Cinderella impersonation of their own by victimizing Georgetown.
In the sports world a Cinderella story is defined as a team or an individual going much further in a tournament or a career than previously thought possible. It is no wonder that sporting achievements are valued in Wall Street recruiting. Even though the top talent always gets a longer look, every Coach/BSD dreams about discovering that diamond in the rough and molding them into a winner. Today...that is how I feel.
Upon logging in this morning to write another blog post, I was greeted with the following private message. Feast your eyes on a true CInderella Story gents, the best of all...he is one of you and though the national news have not picked up his story, here it is for all of you to enjoy and be inspired by:
Midas...dude you are not gonna believe this...I scored...I fucking scored man! I had sex. With an actual girl! It was fucking rad dude I can't believe it and guess what?! She was hot. So hot in fact, my weiner almost turned into a bbq dog. Fuckin' KNOCKWURST man. HAHA!!! I'm still reeling.
So check it out. I'm sitting at the bar and she waltzes over looking like that check Goldman just dropped on Buffett. Dude...I mean faaawking haaawt maayn. So she's like "Can you believe we lost to Kentucky?" and I'm like "Meh, non target" and she laughed dude...I couldn't believe it...I was soooo nervous, it just slipped out. But she dug it and started chatting me up and was eating out of my palm, man. Then she says she has to go walk her dog and I was totally nervous so I'm like "I'll walk you home" and she's like "K"...
Then we get to her place and she doesn't have a dog!!! I did the Heisman pose dude!!! Right then and there...I did it and then I fucking scored man. I was like 1996 and she was like UCLA. Stunned with her eyes popping out of her head, man. I ran the weave on her like Pete CarriI and I hit the game winner, Midas...and then...I hit it again!!! I'm the fucking man dude!!! She just sent me out for donuts and coffee and I'm going back for seconds. Yesssss!!!!
sent from this monkeys IPhone
Now that is the type of shit I like to see when I log in, monkeys. Your assignment (should you choose to accept it) is to out this monkey from the clues you received here. However, since there's no fucking chance I'm going to confirm this kid's identity let's make this thread about your greatest hook ups.
Word on the Street is that you young bucks don't know how to make it happen in the clutch. Prove the haters wrong. Let's go for some locker room talk fellas.
SB for the first guy to go into detail about falling on a grenade (AKA "setting a mean pick") to help a buddy score. Also, if you ever smashed something that looked like the belle of the ball before bed and you woke up to see her ass turned back into a pumpkin... now's the time, this is the place.
Cornell made it to the sweet 16...
All I'm sayin...
But for the story:
So I'm at my apartment complex playing Kings with 2 of my boys and 3 girls from the apartment complex across from us. Everybody's drunk at this point in time and paired off like lime & coke. One set is about to score, when BAM... in walks these 2 other girls who I know from work.
Ratio is all messed up now.
So one girl is pretty hot, nice shape, dances, athletic, all that. The other... if Sam Cassell was Suzanne Cassell... this would be what she looks like.
So the 2 new girls aren't really that tight with the 3 girls whose apartment we were drinking at. The hot apparently used this as a lure to go to my apartment and smash my roommate. So she leaves the apartment, heads to my place, but leaves Gargamel at the spot where I'm at.
So you know when it's a group of 2 different friend groups, you're the only one who knows somebody in both, and the oddball ONLY talks to you? Yea... I get put in that position. So Voldemort is only having a conversation with me, and the girl from the apartment I'm paired up with starts to drift away. At this point I'm thinking, "breezy needs to leave... she's cramping my style!" So I try and drift back to my original target.
About 5 minutes goes by, and Ursula slides back over to me saying we should go find her friend that left to my apartment. In my drunken state, I agree to this completely forgetting she's about to smash the homie. We head over to my apartment, and my roommate runs up to me asking me to PLEASE play wingman and entertain the girl. I agree, put family guy on and head back to my room.
Vulture-girl follows and I text my boy saying I cannot entertain this M.Night Shyamalan creature for too much longer. By this point I'm pretty wasted out my mind from all the wine and tequila so I lay down. I get the return text saying "please take one for the team" and pass out.
Apparently this is the moment that the Ogre was waiting on and seizes the opportunity. I wake up at about 3AM, naked, with condom wrappers on the floor wondering WTF happened. I roll over and BAM, there's the face only a mother could love. I ask her if we had sex... she responds "Yea, I could tell you were pretty drunk though." I promptly go downstairs, walk into my roommates room, and say "Never Again man..." as I proceed to hurl into his trash can.
Chick sees this, walks out, and the ogre friend follows. I tell my roommate what happens and he laughs hysterically as I have flashbacks of what occurred. I will never get that image out of my mind... ever.
Lol, that's fucked up bro. Could be a looooot worse though. A friend of mine got so drunk in vegas that he fucked a tranny.
"there's the face only a mother could love" classic lol
Feel bad for the schmo that wrote you that PM dude. He sounds like he may as well talk in emoticons.
from the mouth of a non target hater
for shame pants, for shame
So a Dude picks up a Chick in a bar? What's so Cinderella about this? That same night, thousands of other dudes did exactly the same thing, probably for the second time that week. And guess what? Thousands more are going to do the same thing tonight.
It's the easiest thing in the fucking world to pick up a chick. I like the idea of relaying horror stories though.
hatersgonnahate.jpg
the celebration for this seems a bit over the top. I'm not going to quite go to Clarkey's level of negativity, but I mean....over the top. If a friend of me told me that story with those exact details, my response would be "even a blind squirrel finds an acorn sometimes."
At least the poor kid got some though.
I call bullshit. That reads so fake. 0% chance that is true.
I dont care if it was true or not, original private message was pretty entertaining. Good stuff.
agree with ke18sb, even if that actually happened to the biggest tool in the world, he wouldn't relay it in such words
Midas, you're next few Saturday morning messages from this guy are going to look like this;
"Midas, Midas, I tied my own tie";
"Midas, Midas, I tied my own shoe laces";
"Midas, Midas, I wiped my own ass".
HAHAHHAHAHA, Priceless!
This thread is going to be so full of b... raggadocio.
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