im writing a cover letter for an ER position at a BB, and my first paragraph basically focuses on why i want to work at that specific company. here is the section of the paragraph i am having trouble with. yes, this will probably give away which BB it is, but i dont think it matters that much. i replaced the name of the BB with "YOUR COMPANY."
i dont like how im telling the reader about his own company, as if im trying to teach him something. any idea on how to reword this? i just want to demonstrate that i know something abuot the company and what makes it unique
"Among the many characteristics unique to YOUR COMPANY is its historic decision to unbundle research and execution services for ANOTHER COMPANY. Following YOUR COMPANY'S lead, many investment banks began unbundling these services for specific clients. This bold step in separating the cost of research services from trading costs has influenced money managers and banks around the globe, and such innovative decisions to maintain a competitive edge exemplify why a career at YOUR COMPANY appeals to me."
This sounds pretty decent to me:
"Among the many characteristics unique to "Lehman" is its historic decision to unbundle research and execution services for Goldman, Sachs & Co. Following LB's lead, many investment banks began unbundling these services for specific clients. This bold step in separating the cost of research services from trading costs has influenced money managers and banks around the globe, and such innovative decisions to maintain a competitive edge exemplify why a career at YOUR COMPANY appeals to me."
In cover letters, I usually vacilate from a short from of the company's name, to the company's initial to the actual full company's name.
For instance for Goldman, first paragraph, I'll say Goldman, Sachs & Co. Second instance that I have to mention Goldman Sachs, I'll say "Goldman Sachs", third instance GS, consequent Goldman, after that vacilate either ways.
Ultimately it all depends on flow. Use your sixth sense. Whichever sounds more polished given the sentence structure is the way to go
so you dont see anything wrong with the actual content of that excerpt?
Also, readers will feel more of a connection to you if once in a while you drop the formality about the company's name and show that you are in the know about how insiders refer to the company...
for instance, JPMorgan's insiders refer to it as JP, JPM or Morgan-
Merrill Lynch- Merrill, ML
Credit Suisse First Boston, Credit Suisse, CS, CSFB
and so on...it's a great way to sound casual while mantaining your professionalism
oh guess I'm giving wrong advice then
I mean, the whole paragraph is kind of unecessary--- Save that for your interview
too wordy, and emphasis is on them, not you. turn it around.
my $.02
i've found that if you're going to write about a given company that you must be spot on. Any slight errors or miscues and it comes off like you have no idea what you're talking about. stick to you, that's what they want to read about.
what's ER?
use down-to-earth words, don't try to be fancy
remember cover letters are sources of entertainment for ibankers.
and you missed the point of a coverletter, sell yourself but describe what they do in a fancy manner.
i think it sounds a bit too serious/formal/faked? relax a bit in tone and sell yourself more, with no disrespect, it seems like you're brownnosing too openly
and ER = equity research...
They know they are great, why don't you talk about yourself more and worry about that - its the important part.
Drop the paragraph - it's trying too hard and there are other ways to impress your desire to work there.
Do you really think that the senior executives are going about high-fiving each other about their decision? hmm...
...agree. But then again, it won't be senior executives that screen candidates for interview :)
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