Critique my Cold Email Format

Hey all, just wanted to see if anyone has any thoughts on my cold email format for alumni, as a non-target.

Hi Name, I hope this email finds you well.

My name is [your name] and I am currently a sophomore pursuing my BBA at College, interested in [area of interest] opportunities at [firm name]

I understand you are busy and may not have the time but I would value a brief phone call to discuss your experience at College and your role at Firm. I would be more than happy to accommodate your schedule.

I have attached my resume for more context on my background.

Best regards,
Name

Also, should I attach my resume, and should I include a line about my past experiences? I do have intern experience in corp. finc FP&A, so I'm hesitant about adding it as idk if it's relevant.

3 Comments
 

Instead of asking for opportunities which is more of an HR question, ask to hear about their experience at the firm in their role. Lastly, provide a list of times your available throughout the week already and at the end say I can adjust these times if they don’t work. This is important since it will give you a high likelihood the next email sent by them from yours is a time setup already preventing all the unnecessary back and forth

 
  • Always offer 3 time slots that work for you as separate bullet points

  • Write a one-liner about your interest or previous experience that has led you to pursue that person’s group

  • This is probably just how WSO formatted your post, but you should break out the whole message into different paragraphs rather than everything stacked together

  • Avoid using the word “but” or anything with a negative tone (e.g., unfortunately, however, etc). You can offer the time slots that work for you and say “I understand you are busy, SO I am happy to find another time…”

 

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