Critique my IB cold email
I'm currently a sophomore beginning the IB networking process, and I've been struggling with cold email hit rates. Can you guys give me some feedback on my email?
Hi ______________,
I hope you’re doing well. My name is ______________, and I recently transferred from _______ to __________ to pursue finance in NYC. Through the competitive nature of playing for the __________ Lacrosse team last year and the client-facing experience of interning at an M&A advisory firm this summer, I’ve become eager to pursue a career in investment banking.
I would truly love to hear about your experience at ___________ and any advice you may have. I’d really appreciate the chance to connect over coffee or a quick call at a time that works best for you.
I’ve attached my resume below for your reference.
Best,
________________
“I would truly love”… delete that, otherwise looks fine
I’d drop the lacrosse part unless emailing people that played in college
You don’t think it would be a clear way to stand out though if there is no other point of connection??
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