…Dad asking for money
So my dad got himself into a little debt with his rental property and asked me for a loan to pay it off. I was going to say no and hang up the phone, but I guess I felt like being a nice guy today. I told this guy to sell the property months ago and cash out, but no he can’t listen. My dad is terrible at financial management…and he’s a CFO. He literally has no cash savings. I’m in college and have more savings then the guy. I went into finance, so I wouldn’t make the same mistakes he did. He literally makes small financial mistakes that could be avoided and it’s annoying. My mom had to ask me for the money because his ego would be hurt. He’s also a narcissist and will brag about being financially secure, but it’s all cap. My mom usually lends to him but I could see him trying to pull this on me again. It’s sucks seeing an outflow when I’m grinding so hard in IB. I have goals of my own and not seeing the numbers add up in my account has a mental effect on me. Know it’s savage but should I just say no going forward. Would hurt our relationship but I honestly don’t care that much. Or would it be messed up to leverage my way into profit sharing on his real estate? Advice needed.
This struck a nerve so I’ll bite.
Felt like I just read my thoughts from 2 years when I went through a similar situation. Awful situation to find yourself in. Narcissistic fathers with money problems are a fucking nightmare and strain the paternal relationship to no end. Sorry you’re in this position.
With that, my thoughts are…
1) He can’t even ask you himself. A narcissist won’t feel bad for what they’re doing to you unless you make them admit to their wrong doing. Do NOT give him money without at least having the decency to admit how wrong it is and how it won’t happen again.
2) Even if he did ask you, I think you should say no. It is completely his fault for the situation he has gotten himself into. You shouldn’t be bailing out your parent for their irresponsibility.
Whatever you do, I hope you make him Atleast own up to it. It will be hard in the short term, but it will be better for your relationship with him long term. Best thing that I ever did for my paternal relationship was confronting my dad and telling him I wouldn’t give him money and how wrong it was for being so careless as to put our relationship in that position. Definitely tough for a week or so there tho.
First of all, do what you need to do for yourself. You and your mental and financial health are more important than your Dad's bad investment and if he ends up losing it, know you aren't to blame at all. I've had some experience with this from family though luckily it wasn't my parents and I know how much it sucks to be in your shoes. A few things to consider
If he is paying for your college, could be shortsighted to say no.
If he isn't and you want to give him the money, write a contract with a lawyer for the money. Make it either debt with interest or an investment in his real estate business and you get a percentage. If you need an excuse, say it's what you are learning in school and you want to see it in practice. Doing it this way will also help in the future as he may think twice before asking again.
Whatever you do, don't just give him the money carte blanche.
Good luck
Context is obviously needed here. Obviously your relationship with you father is frayed, but there are some tangible points that need to be considered. Full disclosure, this is coming from a guy who hasn't spoken to his dad in years.
1. How much money did your father put towards your education, living expenses at any point in adulthood, essentially was he instrumental in giving you advantages that put you in the position to give him a loan? Not that that alone makes him worthy of a claim on your earnings, but it is relevant.
2. Regardless of your feelings towards your father, how much more sympathetic do you feel towards your mother and how do you feel like your action/inaction would affect her in this instance?
3. How the fuck does your father have the title of CFO and have no savings?
Edit: Jesus Christ, I totally glossed over the fact that you're still in college and your dad's asking you for a loan when he has assets on the books. I'm assuming he's not footing the bill for your tuition otherwise that would be the first thing to go. Tell him to kick rocks.
that's why I don't want kids. especially if you raise them in US and give them a great life, they'll grow up ungrateful like OP.
your pops spent probably close to a mil raising you, providing you with home, food, care, schooling, clothes, toys, entertainment. he could be traveling and banging your mom in the ass. instead he sat at home and changed your crappy diapers and listened to your crying. you are in IB because he is CFO. you would be a fucking cashier if he didn't provide for you and paid for your way through life. and now you are thinking to reject helping him and want to take over his real estate. ungrateful bastard.
I think we found the OPs dad in the post…